Endings
I’m witnessing an ending (with freshly made banana bread) the ending of a self, one that disowns responsibility to one that owns it. Responsibility to itself and others, not environmental impact, but care and attention - to its needs, its words, its body. The ending of a self that second guesses itself. That shrinks from the decisions that responsibility throws up, perceiving these as challenges. Instead I will attend to them while fully present. As new choice paths to be attended to.
I choose to welcome the ending of the self and relationships that keep me inattentive, disowning and dissociating from responsibility for myself and others, at the choice paths I come to. No matter how scary, weighty or new these may seem.
Happy (belated) May Day. I often think of workers’ rights as empowerment, but less often do I think about how it also implies conscientisation and self-knowledge. as sovereignty over oneself and solidarity, attentiveness to others.
I choose to end what’s androidic or machine-like in me, understanding this will unsettle boundaries, temporarily. But this will soon be accepted.
The fully autonomous subject, or the fully self-accepting subject, able to change: autopoeitically, to evolve, to learn: that is autonomy. Freedom. A character’s freedom. A life’s freedom. Mine too.
