#athi.post

It doesn’t matter though, the way you looked me in the eyes about 20 years ago will never leave me. I know, maybe some things I teased you about were a little far, but you should have just told me to stop. “what happened?” is all I wonder. I know it’s been years since that happened. maybe you’ve forgotten about me now, or better and worse yet, you still think about me like how I think about you.

All I want to do is apologize to your face. I’ll continue to search for you.

Signed, ______

You had folded this letter once again, pulling out one of your desk drawers and taking a cookie tin from the top, tucking it on top among the stacks of other letters that you had written to him. And as you close this tin that’s stacked on top of about eight, maybe nine other ones (four side-by-side), the familiar feeling of relief sweeps your nerves. Maybe he would forgive you if he saw the other 100 or something letters you wrote. maybe he would forgive you if you and he had sat down together—talked about what happened to his best friend, who was your best rival. But never mind that. You had to get some work down for your new research report for your co-worker—she’s been dying to get it for ages and peer review it since she’s been looking for something to do ever since her boss put her on review duty for missing class for an entire week.

You packed up your things, putting on some socks and your favorite shoes to go with, along with a long coat in honor of the late fall/early winter season. Why not take a walk to write at the Komore Teahouse? Maybe you could think about your late middle school days for the thousandth time—when you and Kazuha were somewhat friends. you see, moving on is difficult. ever since kazuha expressed such anger towards a person, you’ve always sat on it. More importantly, why did that person have to be you? Sure, maybe you took jabs at him for always being a bit of a nerd, but you never actually meant any harm. with every step, your heart seems to stay numb to that feeling of longing. You missed him.

More than anything, you missed him.

But the question that still remains is—do you miss him because you also miss Tomo? Or do you miss him because you were in love with him, and just didn’t realize it? Pangs of heartache left your heart wanting friends to spend time with like you did when you were in high school. The twins, Aether and Lumine, Albedo, Yoimiya, Gorou, Kokomi—what happened to them? Of course, you had to give it to Kokomi, she’s always busy doing her management stuff. Gorou? he’s teaching the kids how to fight—while you, on the other hand, are fighting your own mental battles. Yoimiya is probably testing out some sort of explosives somewhere, while Albedo is performing another experiment. You can’t just bother them and ask for their advice—their lives are busy enough… why burden them more?

Kazuha.

Kaedehara Kazuha.

Oh, how sweet his name feels as you mouth his name silently while fallen leaves carry on the wind. You almost feel pathetic, being so sentimental about someone you felt like you were always mean to.

[...]

“Kazuha—what are you reading? ‘How to Romance for Morons?’” you teased, crossing your arms as you peered over at the words on his page.

Kazuha just flipped a page, acknowledging your remark with a smile.

“Pffttt—you don’t attract anyone in this school, how would you even expect me to fall for you?”

“Do not raise your hopes, ______, desperation does not necessarily lead to fulfillment.”

“One, I am not desperate—and two, I don’t need any sort of fulfillment, especially romantic involving the likes of you.”

“Well..." he begins, "... judging by the look on your face, it seems as though—“

You clear your throat. “A-anyways—“

“Are you going to bring up your next fencing match results?”

“Y-yes, as a matter of fact—this time, I get to face off against Tomo!”

“Tomo?” Kazuha asks as he bookmarks the page and closes his book. “And do tell me why he is choosing to help you, I am quite curious.”

“That—“ you said as you leaned in close to his face before backing away. “—is none of your business, nerd.”

Kazuha smiles. “It is my business if you want me to list out all the mistakes you made at last practice.”

God, you knew your face was flushing. It was so ungodly apparent to the point where you’d actually rather read a book at that time than have to look at that Kaedehara boy’s face, with his stupid eyes and old-looking hair…

“And what are you going to do, get a career in writing lies and going to pointless interviews?”

“Well, I believe that it is better than spending my time doing nothing… unlike a certain someone I know,” Kazuha replies with a smirk before closing his book, packing it in his satchel, and slinging it across his shoulder.

[...]

It wasn’t like bullying, more like playful jabs. And yet, the stabbing that you feel in the pit of your stomach says otherwise. After all, you never know what could affect someone and what couldn’t.

Unaware before. Overthinking now.

Don't think about this now, you thought. there are more important things to worry about as it is.

As you come to creep up around the corner of the Crux Café, you wouldn’t have expected to see the same silver, maple-touched boy from your high school days in a gray apron and glasses, cleaning a counter.

You tried to speak. even though it was only you two in the immediate vicinity—and even though you wanted to apologize, waves of shock and fear passed over you. With only a chair and a few tables being the only space between you besides the counter, eye contact—added with a touch of anxiety, was the perfect recipe for instant regret.

You mouthed words. You stuttered. How could you be so stupid at this moment? You have it, just seize the opportunity!

“K-Kazuha, I-I—“

“We’re closed.”

He simply looks at you with defiant burning eyes of hatred.

“B-but—“

“Do not show your face here ever again—next time you do, i will not hesitate to—“

And both of you turn to see a curtain flip from behind the counter, and two other familiar figures emerge—one from childhood, another from family.

However, after the Windblume Festival and other official ceremonies held within the Knights, you found yourself seeking other jobs in Liyue, travelling through and eventually finding occasional banquet or two to accompany your time with

But life takes its ups and downs—after the death of Morax, the strangely organized chaos and rumors left you wanting to go elsewhere—and conveniently, a job had popped up requiring some shrinework in Inazuma.

Meeting Thoma was absolutely necessary, as per having to meet one of the main guys of the Yashiro Commission.

After spending some time around the retainer of the Kamisato Clan, Thoma found you to be quite the character, whether strong-hearted and eccentric, or timid and a lot more unspoken. Nonetheless, you piqued his fancy, and he wished to pursue his own desires outside of work as well.

After saying that you had a boyfriend already after his first attempt, he smiled and simply replied

“oh, i’m sorry! if possible—is it alright if i could meet him sometime? don’t worry, i won’t bite!”

Agreeing to it eventually was just in the plan, since when you went to visit the Knights (specifically Kaeya), he said:

“oh really? such a shame this Thoma had to be rejected—I would love to meet him.”

And it was arranged for both of them to meet Liyue, with gracious thanks and company by you.

After talking it out in Wangshu Inn, and after many flustered comments and devious smirks shot at one another—with the ocassional wink from Kaeya at both you and Thoma.

All of you came to terms to like one another more than just friends, and agreed between a polyamorous relationship.

In Mondstadt with Kaeya…

you basically spend your mornings with him. if you came back from inazuma, you wouldn’t wake up until 5 hours until he has due to time lag—and by that time, you feel sad that he had left.

however, when that happens, he always leaves a nice handwritten letter telling you how much he loves you, and asks you questions about plans for tonight. like “want to drink at Angel’s Share tonight?” or “i thought of a place overlooking the lake—want to visit later?”

it’s always a good mix between outside and inside dates with Kaeya—but half the time, you just accompany him to the winery as he pisses off Diluc—with you just being relatively entertained as Diluc says something like “don’t agree with him, (y/n)”

you still laugh it off, and sometimes, you and kaeya just spend the night at home, cooking a meal together or talking about matters that still need to be resolved

on some ocassions, you are willing to help him with paperwork—sitting across on the opposite side of his desk

if that happens, after a bit, he says your name before scooting back in his chair and patting his thighs with a smirk

sitting in his lap is relatively comfortable, considering how he isn’t just all bones (hengehe thats what she said)

on days off, kaeya just likes to cuddle with you

if you wake up before kaeya and try to get out of bed, he will just pull you down and get you to stay to snuggle up with him in the sheets

kaeya likes to hear you just hum to yourself—even if it isn’t good, there’s something about it thats makes the space fill, rather than just having it be silent the entire time

if kaeya comes home with bruises and wounds, you immediately run to his side and tend to him as he just kisses you on the forehead while you do

kaeya likes to teach you physical defense techniques from time-to-time, especially if you mentioned how you encountered some peculiar people trying to make an unwanted move on you

when just the two of you, he just likes to smile and gaze at you for a while. half the time, he zones out just looking at you.

kaeya wants you to play with his hair. he’s grown it out long, but always has to tie it up for his job.

kaeya likes to cuddle so much bc he’s got cryo vision—he’s kinda just naturally cold

has the tendency to carry you bridal-style around the house

sometimes, he just randomly tells you that he loves you or compliments you

“hey, princess—“

“what?”

“thank you.”

“for what?”