#atheanas

36. “please don’t leave me behind” : Clace (set during cob)

Clary’s eyes flew open on their own accord, darting around the pitch black room. Reaching over to the nightstand, she grabbed her phone to check the time and groaned when she saw it 4:40 in the morning. With a sigh, she places the phone back on the nightstand and plops back onto the bed.

For the past couple of days, she couldn’t seem to shut off her mind, forcing her body to stay awake. She would take that over staying asleep and waking up from nightmares any day. But now it was getting old. She wanted her goddamn sleep. She didn’t care if it was for three, four hours. Anything to re-energize her body. 

Knowing that attempting to go back to sleep was useless, Clary grabbed the black robe Izzy gave for her to borrow off the side chair, put it on, and headed for the kitchen. 

“Oh, right,” Clary mumbled as she looked through the fridge. “Isabelle’s cooking is horrible. Better not chance it.”

Closing the fridge door, she pads over to the pantry and looks at her options. After a minute of debating with herself, she settles with Honey Nut Cheerios. The thank God that there was milk, but stopped short when she realized she had no idea where to find a spoon and bowl. 

Finding a spoon was easy, but locating the bowls were harder. She winced every time she closed a cabinet door. She didn’t want to wake the rest of the institute trying to find one frickin bowl. 

“Ah ha! Found you, you little sucker.” she said under her breath as she pulled a bowl off the shelf. 

Once her cereal was ready to go, she sat herself in one of the stools and started eating, quickly getting lost in her thoughts. How could her life go from completely normal to utter chaos whiten a blink of an eye? The second her mom disappears, she’s thrown into a world full of magic and supernatural creatures that are told to be legends. On top of that, she’s told that she’s a Shadowhunter, a half human, half angel being that hunts demons. But the cherry on top of all the mess was knowing her mom lied to her, basically her entire life. 

She didn’t know who to trust. Luke, he apparently wanted nothing to do with her. Isabelle was questionable. Alec hates her guts for some reason. She knew she could trust Simon. He was her best friend, after all. And then there was Jace-

“What are you doing down here?” 

“Jesus, Jace!” Clary exclaimed as her spoon clattered against the table top. She put here hand against her rapidly beating heart, taking deep breaths. “Give me a heart attack, why don’t you?”

“Sorry,” his mouth quirked up in a small smile then went flat. “But seriously, why are you down here? It’s five in the morning.”

She looked down at her cereal and shrugged. “Couldn’t sleep, so I thought I’d get myself a snack,” she looks up at him. “You?”

“This is about the time I get up for some early training. I was getting water, but you decided to grace me with your presence instead.” 

Clary rolls her eyes and looks back down at her cereal, not bothering to come up with a witty comeback. 

Jace realizing something was off furrows his eyebrows and tentatively takes a seat next to her. “Are you okay? You seem a bit off.” 

Biting her lip, she argues with herself whether to spill her guts to Jace or keep her mouth shut. She wants to tell Simon wants going on through her head, but she feels like he wouldn’t understand. And with Jace, she barely knows him. So why should she tell him anything?

But as she looks up to gain his reaction, she can tell he’s genuinely concerned for her. She felt that maybe in due time, she can come to fully trust in him. All she had to do was take the plunge.

“I just feel so lost right now,” she admits after a long moment of silence. “I love my mom and I want to find her, but I can’t help but feel bitter. She lied to me my whole life about who I am. Now I’m in this whole new world were I don’t know anything and I don’t know who to trust. Simon is my best friend and I can count on him for anything, but he doesn’t understand. Luke doesn’t want anything to do with me, Alec hates me, and Isabelle….I don’t know,” she pauses. “And then there’s you.”

He tilts his head to the side. “What about me?” 

She sighs. “Ever since this mess started, you’ve always been there for me. You’re the only one who believes in me when I get questioned about my worth. In fact, I think you believe in me more than I believe in myself. You may be an ass most of the time, but I feel like you’re the only person I can really turn to right now,”

Jace looks momentarily speechless when she finishes her sentence.

“So can you promise me one thing?”

Composing himself, he nods. “Anything.”

“Please don’t leave me behind.” Her voice shook, but kept her eyes steady on Jace.

She didn’t realize until that moment how much she needed Jace whether she liked it or not. She needed reassurance that she wouldn’t tumble and fall in the shadow world and only Jace could give her that. She needed to know that at least one person had her back in this new world. And if he were to say ‘no’ or ‘I can’t’ would break her. But her worries were for nothing.

“As long as I live, I’ll never leave you behind. You have my promise.”

14. “stay with me, goddammit!” : Bellarke (my take on episode 3x03 on a different way it could have gone if Bellamy couldn’t keep it together)

Bellamy was doing everything in his power to keep himself together. Acting like the devastating news he received from Raven didn’t bother at him at all,but he could feel his resolve slipping. And to finally have Clarke in arms reach didn’t help matters. 

He could finally tell her to come home with him, but he had a gut feeling that wouldn’t be happening from her stance and Abby’s reaction to what Clarke said to her.

If she needed to stay, fine. But he be damned if he didn’t get a word in.

“We need to talk,” he said as he walked up to her. “Alone.”

“Bellamy…” she shook her head.

He leaned in close. “You owe me this.” His tone was flat and hard, not giving room for any excuses. 

Clarke knew she owed him. Big time. But couldn’t he see she was going to break if she did? Didn’t he see it was killing her to stay behind? She wasn’t done punishing herself.

But as she looked into his glassy eyes, she could tell he was also trying to keep it together as much as she was.

He was right. She did owe him. She left him to lead on his own because of her own cowardice. She would talk to him, even if it broke her.

“Okay.” She said with a sharp nod.

After being escorted to an empty room, Bellamy wasted no time in getting down to business. 

“You’re not leaving, are you?”

Fresh tears welled up in her eyes. She blinked them back before answering. “You know I can’t leave. If there’s a way to look out for our people-”

“You can look out for our people at home, Clarke,” he interrupted harshly. “What can you accomplish here? How can you trust that bitch for betraying us at Mount Weather?”

“I don’t trust her. I hate her for what she did. But I need to make sure she keeps her word about the alliance.”

“And look how well that worked out last time.” He scoffed.

 She lets out a deep sigh. “I don’t know what else to tell you,” she bit the inside of her cheek after looking at his pained expression. “What do you want me to do?”

“Stay with me, goddammit!” 

Not only did his outburst render her speechless, but so did the tears that trickled out of his eyes and down his cheeks.

Clarke knew Bellamy well enough to know he would suddenly burst one day. But that was not the reaction she thought he would have. Far from it.

“Ever since you left, I’ve been holding it together for everybody at Camp Jaha. Everyone besides Jasper is doing their part to keep the camp running. We’re barely keeping it together, but we keep our heads up and bear it. That’s what I’ve been doing. Bearing it for the sake of our people. But I can’t do it anymore. We’re a team. We’re the leaders. Without you around, I’m lost. I’m second guessing every decision I make, and it fucking sucks that I don’t have you there to back me up or tell me I’m wrong. Whether or not they want you back, they need you. I need you.” 

Clarke didn’t know what possessed her, but she walked up to him, grabbed his face between her hands, and kissed him. Before he had time to react, she pulled back.

“I’m so sorry, Bellamy,” she rasped, a tear escaping her eye. “But I have to stay here. Until everything is settled and war isn’t looming over us, I can’t go home. I need to make sure Lexa doesn’t betray us again. But i will return eventually. I promise you that.”

Bellamy nods slowly and lets out a shuddering sigh. “May we meet again.”

“May we meet again.” Clarke echos and lets go of his face.