#ateez source

CHOI SAN

"Pour yourself into me and I will not let a drop of you hit the ground"

MR. PARK SEONGHWA

a.k.a Boyfriend 🖤🖤🖤🖤

I don't know what to feel and think. i'm definitely not okay..not fine..not surviving this... 😭😭😭

astronomy

part 1, part 2

seonghwa x non-idol!reader

seonghwa is worlds away from you. breaking up with him has become the best, and only, option left.

wc: 1.1k

warnings: angst, crying, breaking up, heartbreak, insecurities, talk about tour and idol life, pet names (star, my love)

as i sit on the edge of our bed waiting for seonghwa to come home, i think about all the memories we had together. the good, bad and ugly. the laughter, the tears and arguments, the kisses and 'i love you's. i sit and reminisce on when we first met, when we first started dating, our first kiss, and every other little moment i spent with seonghwa. and now i have to think about what i'm going to say when he walks through that door and i have to explain to him that i'm leaving.

i hear seonghwa open the front door and then the bedroom door. i stayed unmoving on the edge of our shared bed and silently watched him. he had his bags in his hands from their tour, similar to my bags packed beside me. seonghwa looked up at me and we made silent, knowing eye contact for what felt like hours. no one moved, no one said anything, the only sound in the room was the busy street outside. that was until seonghwa broke eye contact to put his bags down on the floor with a heavy sigh. i continue to stare at seonghwa and couldn't help the tears that welled up in my eyes, but i'll be damned if i let them fall this early.

"it seems like we need to talk." seonghwa said but he spoke towards the ground. you could hear the strain in his voice but you weren't sure if it was from his tour or if he was trying to hold back a heart-shattering sob.

"i don't know what you want me to say, seonghwa," i look into his eyes that refused to look back at mine, "it's time for me to go."

"but it doesn't have to be" seonghwa answered back quickly and desperately. his eyes glancing between my folded hands in my lap to my packed bags at the end of our bed. i stayed quiet, wanting to see if he would add anything else; if he would beg me to stay. but seonghwa didn’t speak up again.

“please don’t make this more difficult than it has to be” i say softly. i knew breaking up with seonghwa wasn't going to be easy, but his silent desperation was eating me alive.

“then let's stop all of this. here, i'll help you unpack.” seonghwa still refused to meet my eyes as he grabbed my luggage, opened it, and started putting my clothes back into the closet. with shaky and fast hands, seonghwa opened the closet and dresser drawers. the only noise in the room was the sound of coat hangers hitting each other and the tussle of fabric. i could feel his heartache from miles away. finally, i let my tears fall as i glare at seonghwa’s back.

“i can have someone pick up my stuff some other time, seonghwa. that won't stop me from leaving.” i break the silence this time. he goes completely still, like he's frozen in place. eventually, seonghwa lets his arms fall, slapping his sides, and hangs his head down. the recurring silence is eating me alive. i want him to say something, anything. i want him to scream at me, yell at me, tell me to leave, tell me that he never even loved me.

seonghwa slowly turned around to face me, his eyes meeting mine for what felt like the first time. the tears welling up in his eyes made me choke down a quick breath and bite my tongue.

“you're my star, y/n” whispered words spill from seonghwa’s lips. words that made my heart clench and my tears fall faster.

“you can't force the stars to align, seonghwa, we’re two worlds apart.” i raised my voice slightly at him. i hate playing this back and forth game.

“two worlds apart? what do you mean, y/n?” seonghwa takes a hesitant step closer to me as he searches my eyes for the answer.

“isn't it obvious? you're an idol, seonghwa. aren't you tired of having to hide our relationship, having to pretend i don't exist, having to constantly check up on me when you're on tour? i'm doing us both a favor.” i speak loudly with my hands but the words falling from my mouth were quiet and broken up by my sobs.

“is that what this is all about? we can go public with our relationship. i don't care what happens or what anyone has to say, i just want to fix this,” seonghwa spoke rationally but i can tell by his body language that he was getting just as frustrated as me, “don't leave over something like this.”

“i guess distance doesn't always bring fondness,” i sigh and haphazardly wipe away the tears on my cheeks, “i wish i could stay with you, seonghwa”

“then stay” he makes no move to wipe his cheeks like i did. the pleading was evident within his voice, but i wasn't going to change my mind. this was the only option we had left. this was how our relationship was destined to end. we used to fantasize for hours about what our future would look like. we would stay up all night talking about our hypothetically wedding and children, but in the back of my mind i knew our words would never become a reality. i'm surprised we got as far as moving in together let alone being together for the past 5 years.

i have nothing but love for park seonghwa. that's why breaking up with him is the right thing to do. “stop trying to keep us alive”

i grab the only bag of mine that seonghwa didn't unpack and walk out of the bedroom, making a b-line for the front door of our apartment. seonghwa was close behind me, spewing incoherent sentence after sentence, begging me to stay. he grabbed onto my arm once i had reached the door.

“we’ll never be two worlds apart, my star, we’re both mars.” i can’t bear to face my soon-to-be ex-boyfriend; i just keep my head down as i silently cry.

“you're mars, my love, and i'm saturn. its been like that from the start. we’ve been two worlds apart for the past 5 years,” i gently shake seonghwa’s arm off of me and grab the doorknob, “i was never your star, but you’ll forever be mine.” i give him one last tearful look before i opened the door and left what is now seonghwa's apartment.

requests are open !!

It’s been about a month since I received (what I’ve been calling) the Ateez Lore book, also known as Dear Diary it contains the diaries of Fever pt 2 & 3; Fever Epilouge; The World 1, 2 & 3; and a final new, extra diary entry called Your Thunder.

In the time since I’ve received it I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen any reposts of it online anywhere, and since it is a very interesting piece of the lore puzzle (and because my friend suggested it) I’ve decided to post it here. Tbh I’ve never scanned anything before but I’ll try my best to format it exactly as it is in the book. So without further ado, Your Thunder:

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧//✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

“My dear ATEEZ

The sibling tree we planted together has grown much taller than me. It might not seem like a big deal, but shortly after you left this place, the tree trunk got badly split. I quickly put a splint on it and wrapped it well, but I was worried it might die. Fortunately, it has grown well, so isn't that impressive?

Looking at the much-grown sibling tree reminded me of the child and his older brother.

"If they had grown up, would they have looked like this? Would they have been this sturdy and strong?”

I asked you this question to myself. I imagined your playful yet proud responses. Only then did it hit me in a concrete way: the reality that you had left for your world, and the fact that I could no longer see you.

Until I passed Z's test with flying colors, no one expected that we would part so suddenly. We were so focused on being happy that I was accepted into Z's protocol management position and the next mission. Indeed, the protocol management position was the best way to access the system Z had built. And the hint you gave me was a huge key. 'The leader of Sciensalvar, Henry Jo.' Knowing the identity of someone who looked like Z helped me find the system password. (Did I mention that there were records of Z accessing your world in there? When Z briefly had the Cromer, it seems he met Henry Jo in your world. If my memory is correct, it was in 1999 in your world.)

While it was difficult to access the system, the system itself was designed with a simple structure. It wasn't that hard, since after the central government took emotional energy, all humans were no different from programmed machines. The structure of a dictatorship is obvious. We decided to use the well-built system itself. We just turned things upside down. Wag the dog, a strategy where the tail wags the dog's body to grab the head and take control. By tweaking the input values of chips implanted in people's ears, the tail became the head, and the head became the tail. Do you remember? Z desperately searched for the Guardians while surrounded by people in the square. It was so pathetic that I thought I was the villain at that moment?! What a joke…

So… What I'm saying is… If I hadn't been swayed by that pathetic act, we wouldn't have let you go. Just when I couldn't pull the trigger, Z took an old man standing nearby hostage, and as always, you used the Cromer to save the hostage, but Z used that to take your Cromer. Then Z immediately threw the Cromer to the ground. Probably intending to escape. You all ran towards the falling Cromer reaching out to stop it, but just as you touched it, the Cromer hit the ground and shattered into pieces. As the flash was about to engulf you and Z, I realized what it feels like to be overwhelmed with rage. I pulled the trigger at Z, who was clinging to SEONG HWA to somehow survive. After the flash disappeared, Z fell to the ground of the square with a thud. But you guys… You were gone.

You probably returned to your world, right? Even though you're not in our world, kids who followed your music, dance, and performances have become another ATEEZ, remembering you. You're not here, but ATEEZ is still here. Oh, by 'here', I mean 'the zone liberated from control.' After Z disappeared and you left, a lot has happened. We were divided into those who decided to live free from emotional control and those who decided to continue under the system's emotional control. We tried to make a unified decision, but it wasn't easy. After a prolonged period of indecision, we decided to respect each other's decisions. We couldn't force them to believe what we believed was right. We chose to coexist peacefully and divided into the 'Liberation Zone' and 'Control Zone', each establishing its own order. It's sad to think that, over time, we might become different nations, but what can we do? If I may be just a bit greedy, I just hope we don't treat each other with violence or coercion.

Thunder's headquarters now acts as the interim government of the 'Liberation Zone'. So, unlike before, it's become a place where people frequently come and go. The sibling tree stands in the most visible spot in the garden, and the injured trunk has healed, leaving bumpy scars. I wondered if the scars were too unsightly and whether I should cover them with a ribbon, but then a child walking with his parents saw the sibling tree and said this.

"Oh?! These trees have unique patterns unlike other trees. Wow, they're pretty."

'Patterns? Now that I think about it, I've only ever thought of them as scars, not patterns.' The patterns created by the scars distinguish the sibling tree from other trees. Scars can become unique patterns. Realizing that made me look forward to the 'Liberation Zone' that will have unique patterns in the future, and to myself.

I'm writing this letter because I miss you, but I don't know if it can cross the universe to reach you, if we can hear from you, or even if there is a way to send it.

I wonder if you safely arrived back home. When the first Cromer broke, you said you arrived in the past. Did you arrive on time this time? Are you still dancing and singing together there? I hope all your wishes come true finding your family, gaining independence from your strict father, standing on stage, meeting many people, and making lots of money. You've changed many people's lives, so I'm sure you've succeeded. Whatever it may be, I hope you remain 'free' without being too tied down, just like she said, the one who resembles me. :)

I miss you all. The Black Pirates, Thunders, Left Eye, and everyone in the Liberation Zone all miss you. Will there be a day when we meet again?

Hoping for that day….

-Your Thunder”

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧//✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Wow, it looks small in the book and long in a post. ToT

I’ll be posting my own ideas and theories on it soon, maybe, probably, but I wanted to get this out into the world first as it’s a very relevant lore drop. You can thank my friend @cyberkiddie for giving me the idea of posting it in the first place!

(*^v^)//💕 As always good luck to my fellow loretiny and I hope those who haven’t been able to find this yet make good use of it! Feel free to correct me if I messed anything up!