#asynjja

River eyes Moa in complete bewilderment before bursting into laughter. "Please tell me that the poor sod who used that line is far away from here." She shakes her head at the sheer idiocy.

Pale pink lips curl at the corners. Brown eyes twinkle under lantern-light. "I'm sure you could come up with a better line in your sleep."

˚₊‧꒰ა 💚🫒🟢 ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ -> HEAD BURIES ITSELF UNDER .. her pillow. the sun that was suddenly streaming into her bedroom was offensive. steph remembered drawing her thick blackout curtains closed when she went to bed last night .. and now steph regrets ever giving moa a key to her apartment. it was almost as bad as allowing fox to have one. her brother would show up at all times of the day and night unannounced. especially if she wasn't working. no wonder fox and moa liked each other so much. they were pretty much the same person. one hand flew out from underneath the blanket. slim index finger pointed straight at the ceiling - before it moved and pointed in , what steph hoped was moa's general direction. ❝ it's so early. ❞ came the youngest mulder's whine. ❝ why are you here ? and where the hell would we be going ? ❞

"  –  oh,  this  is  fun.  you're  back  in  town?  curt  said  you  went  on  a  '  mission  to  find  yourself  '  but  I  always  thought  you'd  just  sunk  into  a  work  blackhole.  which is it? self-actualizing or work? "

@asynjja: ❝ i would've come sooner. i would've been here if you'd only asked. ❞

Tatia’s body trembled with a joyless laugh, her forehead staying pressed to the window pane she'd been sitting at. How long had she stayed there, nearly motionless? She wasn’t quite sure. Hours passed by without her noticing, and it was possible that two or more sunrises saw her sitting by that window. With the blood that stained her hands already dried up to the point that it cracked on her skin.

❝I know,❞ she said at last with a heavy exhale. The warmth of her breath clashed against the cool glass pane, leaving behind a small patch of fog. It wasn't until the fogginess dispersed that she spoke again.

❝I think that’s precisely why I didn’t say a word.❞ Her hands laid open in her lap, still carrying the bloody evidence of her second nature taking control over her actions. And even though centuries should have desensitised her to the bloodshed that followed her... it barely got any easier.

❝After all, it’s my burden,❞ she continued, her eyes dropping to her hands. My blame, my punishment.

For a moment, her hands closed into fists... before she released the tension with a heavy sigh and looked up at Moa.

❝I appreciate your presence. Believe me, I do.❞ It was one of the few comforts eternity had to offer; another soul who would also see the world until it all burned into nothingness... And perhaps even after that.

❝But sometimes I need to let the weight on my shoulders settle. I can’t let myself forget what it feels like.❞ Her gaze returned to her hands then, memorising the sight. Letting the image burn itself deep into her memory, among the countless others similar to this.

Since the victims' faces escaped her memory, it was the least she could do to honour them.

❝You understand that, right?❞

literature and media themed development q&a / @asynjja

flori oscillates forever between (contemporary) fiction and non fiction. sometimes, she leans more towards reading fictional books - sci fi, historical fiction, magical realism, urban fantasy, stuff like that - and other times, she leans more towards non fiction books.

currently, she's in a non fiction phase.

that, and reading books by queer authors and/or queer authors of color is personally important to her.

contemporary fiction:

woman, eating by claire kohda because it's about a mixed race vampiress - or, rather a dhampir - living in london while dealing with her vampire mother and her own eternal hunger as she tries to find her place in the world.

aubrey wants to die by pip knight because, well, it's a book about a girl who's been turned into a vampire and has to deal with the consequences while also dealing with a shitty sire. technically not contemporary fiction but it's fiction all the same.

vampires of el norte by isabel canas because, again, vampires. again: technically not contemporary fiction but it's fiction all the same.

ditto for vampire weekend by mike chen.

red string theory by lauren kung jessen because the title intrigued her, considering she believes in the red string of fate and the silver cord that delineates soulmates / people bound together through the soulmate principle.

the stand in by lily chu because it was a quick little read with a happy ending. flori loves happy endings.

panic by lauren oliver because she's watched the show and she wanted to see what they changed or didn't change. that, and she read the short prelude stories too.

(flori has listened to lauren oliver's book delirium but hasn't made any further moves to continue or finish the series.)

sublimation by isabel j. kim because it's about dopplegangers and other such weirdness and maybe she can glean something from it or learn something from it.

non fiction books:

catullus' bedspread by daisy dunn because flori loves words and language and poetry, especially poetry that dances on the knife's edge of being raunchy.

the book of everlasting things by aanchal malhotra because the prose is lush and beautiful and she loves love stories, whether they're tragic or not, so this book is going to break her heart and put it back together again.

all about love by bell hooks because you can't go wrong with bell hooks and flori loves love and loves reading about how people interpret love.

the origin of language by madeleine beekman because, again, words and language and especially where language comes from and how it has evolved over time and will continue to evolve.

humankind by rutger bregman because it argues that people are decent at heart and argues against humanity's egotism and malevolence and floribeth does believe that.

in the dead of night (i have to have you) / @asynjja

all flori wanted was a cocktail. the sweetest one. one she could drizzle a bit of o neg onto, but instead, she was quickly becoming a witness to yearning that was most... dramatique, as they say.

"then, please, for the love of everything that is sacred and holy: get to know her." the younger of the two sighed, then, already mourning the loss of the drink she would have gotten if it weren't for this. "ask her what her favorite drink to make is. or her favorite drink to, well, drink. and then you ask when her shift ends."

˚₊‧꒰ა 🤎🚪💛 ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ -> IT WAS LIKE SOMETHING UGLY .. had crawled in through her ribs and came to sit on her chest. seeing chris again .. for the first time .. since everything that had happened. since her dream - was like getting hit by a truck. but she was still standing. somehow. maybe it was because kelly was at school. theo was at work. she was in the apartment alone. and alone meant that there would be no consequences right now. they would arrive later. they would gradually appear. one after the other. slender hand rests on the door frame. as she watches him take the last couple of steps up , her apartment sat near the end of the hallway - across from the stairs. ellie tried to swallow the lump in her throat. but she couldn't. blue eyes met his. and she instantly knew that chris knew. somehow they both knew that the dream they shared wasn't even a dream. it was a shared memory. somehow. she didn't say a word. not in greeting. and not begging him to stop. to turn around - to go back to emily. to leave her alone. before everything that happened .. chris had been family. theo's brother. emily's husband. her niece's and nephew's father. he had been normal. but that dream had left her with emotions. feelings. she didn't know where to put. and she felt dirty. ugly. like she was cheating. like she was betraying emily. he made it to her front door and she chickened out. her body snapped back to reality - and she instantly shot back .. her front door started to close but she didn't get the chance to shut it .. because chris' larger hand had wrapped around her wrist. causing her to stiffen. to stop. the door reopened .. moving back on its hinges. eyes stared up at chris and her brows furrowed. ❝ let go. ❞