#astronyaps

my friends hate me and i don’t know why except i do, it’s because i’m annoying

i’m annoying and introverted and allergic to social queues,

i can’t help but talk about myself all the time

i get why people hate me

i would hate me too

maybe it’s better if i just isolate myself

don’t subject myself upon anyone

back in my shell

i don’t think i could live like that

but

i can’t live like this either

and others shouldn’t have to

not like they want to, anyway.

i don’t think i’m okay

and i’m not going to be

unless i go back

destroy my progress

revert to the miserable soloist i was a year ago

i don’t have a choice

…

i miss saying good night, even if one of us wasn't online

i miss spending all my spare thoughts on her, and whether she sent me something new

i miss getting long-ass voice texts about really just whatever

i miss talking about our day

i miss hugging my pillow at night and knowing that she's doing the same, wishing for the day to come that we might hug each other the same way

i

can rest now

only a little more, but there's a little bit of time now i can fully use to rest