#astrala

Pentru un aspirant al contemplării spirituale, de mare importanță este următorul exercițiu: el își imaginează un spațiu întunecat ce nu este afectat de lumina exterioară, apoi el încearcă treptat, cu ajutorul forțelor sale interne, să cheme la viață reprezentarea luminii. Această lumină devine revelarea înțelepciunii creatoare. Aceasta este ceea ce se numește lumină astrală. Cu ajutorul meditației, deci, omul ajunge la crearea luminii prin puterea interioară. Când cineva face acest exercițiu în mod corect, el devine mijloc de a realiza conexiunea cu ființe superioare, în special Elohim.

The cold wind blows past me, causing the tents to shudder and rustle. These poor things that are barely holding together. We are running low on cloth to fix these tattered tents. Most of my fabric had gone to creating his new fixations. Honestly pointless, but I don’t have the heart to tell him this info; even if I did, I know it would end poorly for me. No matter which way I lean, it leads to a less than favorable outcome. We are going to have to hope we start getting more people drawn out here, or we might have to start heading to one of the small towns to supply us. I adjust my sitting position, hearing the dead grass crunch underneath. This place has really become dilapidated in the five years since we got out here.    The light ghostly covers the ground, like a mist or fog. Almost like the light from the Lady Blue Moon is too scared to touch this cursed ground. Not that I would blame her, the history here is so dark that it taints the souls of every creature that touches it. Not that it excuses the actions that we have done here. If anything, it has further damned us, hasn’t it? Staring down at my amulet, I wonder if he would be proud of me, my lord, my savor, and creator. Or, would he be ashamed of the being I have become, judging me for all the manslaughter I have caused? Curse me for all the lives I have ruined or damaged beyond repair, would he cast me away and strip me of everything that he gave me? Would he hunt me down, like a wild animal ready to strip me of the humanity that I barely have? Maybe gun me down with his powerful spells, shooting me with the bright and deadly lasers, disintegrating me to dust and proving that I have failed him with no hope of redemption. I gripped the amulet hard, wishing I could feel anything in my hands, but knowing I will never again feel anything. They are far too gone, cold with my sins, ruined from all the actions that I have caused. Never to feel the warmth of love or kindness, the invisible puppet strings keeping me here till either he dies, or he finally destroys what’s left of my soul. I pray, my lord, you would send something or someone to free me from this curse… I wish to know if you truly are still listening. Or, if you are listening, if you are doing this to punish me for my actions I have committed before this, I wish you could give me a sign. Please, my lord, I beg of you - I need your help.    The loud crashing sounds and screams fill the air around me as I feel the magic in the air grow stronger and the light grow darker. The strings growing tighter around me reminded me of my place. I am a servant, and I am needed. I look up to the sky one more time, seeing the small glint of green in the distant sky. The solstice is here, and the ritual has been completed. The magic will keep us stable, at least until the winter solstice comes. I can hear the cheers and celebration from the flow of power filling their bodies, giving them the energy they will need. I know I need to clean up and get the meals around for those wretched beasts. These creatures that have long lost their humanity. Not that they could recognize it if they were told straight to their faces. The wind blows, carrying eerie feelings across the area and making the tents shake, as if calling me to my job. I know he wouldn’t be happy if I didn’t get moving soon, he was relentless and determined. I gather what little strength I can muster to pull myself off the dead and cursed ground. I head inside the tent, standing at the entrance, waiting for my eyes to adjust. The low lantern light barely lighting the inside, almost hiding the horror that lay within, waiting to be seen by any poor soul that happened to wander inside. Unfortunately, it was me who walked in - not that I was surprised by the results. I knew it would look like this. Blood dripping from the table that lay in the center of the room. His curled up form in the corner of the tent giggling into a mad laughter.    Do you know what you have become? This abomination, this damned elven creature, whose obsessed with an idea that may never be granted. Whatever happened to that small elven boy I once knew? Are you still inside that shambling thing that calls itself a man, or are you still in the past? Back in that town where we played games? I miss that pure soul that once had big dreams, and an aura that was brighter than the red moon. Thinking of the past sometimes hurts, thinking about what you have become. If only I could have protected you better, if only I could have stopped this sickness of the mind before you got it. Or, could I just be a fool? You could have already had this sickness before you found me in that alley. Me, sitting here, wishing for a chance to change my fate, yet I could never break the promise we made back when you were young. Maybe I am the one that is sick. I move slow, as not to startle him, heading to the table to start my job. The mangled body of the young girl that we had caught last year. The last of our supplies and the last of those creatures’ food. Her chest already ripped open with a strength he could not possess. Meaning I would have to clean one of your toys later as well. You could have been nice and made things easy for me, but that is not who you are. Picking up the tool book, I start cutting into her shoulder. The scraping against bone making the only sound that seemed louder than his mad laughs. As I saw, my eyes began to wander up to the girl’s eyes. They are such bright blue eyes, it would be a shame to waste them. As the arm is finally freed from the corpse, I drop it into the box and grab my spoon. If I move quickly, I can save these eyes and start the process, so they don’t grow cloudy.    I dig my spoon in, feeling the struggle the tendons make against my spoon and resisting the smooth glide I am used to with these spoons. I will have to warm them up and sharpen them again. I continue to dig into the socket of this girl’s face, making the slurping or squashing noises as I continue to feel the muscles and tendons tear and rip, yet still causing me to struggle to pull it out. After a bit of effort, the eye manages to pop free and I drop it in the jar and begin to do the next. When I felt hands slither across my back, it is now that I notice that the room has gotten quiet. His breath close to my ear as I hear him giggle, “My friend, you always are such a hard worker. I don’t know what I would do without you.” I flinch in response, as I was not prepared for him to get this close to me. That flinch caused him to tighten his grip on me. “What’s wrong my friend, why are you being so cold to me?” Knowing I was about to waste these eyes and all the effort I put into getting that one out, I breathe in a bit before answering, “I wouldn’t be so cold if you took a shower, Chip. Do you realize how bad you smell right now?” I can feel him pause in his actions, knowing I had given him an answer he was not expecting before feeling him pull away. I put my tools down to turn towards this man. This elven man, his hair a mess and coated with dirt, blood, and who knows what else, stares at himself as if this was the first time he’s ever truly looked at himself. For a moment, that small elf I met back in the village was there on his face. The small innocent boy who laughed with me as we played pranks on the other kids.    “Do I smell that bad, Tattle?” Looking at me with pure concern in his eyes. “Yes, Chip, you smell. Your beloved would not be pleased if she knew you could not take care of yourself. Come now, let’s go bathe, you must always look your best. You never know when she will come strolling into the tent.” I gently touch him and start to usher him out the tent towards the bathing pit. The look of concern turning into shock before morphing into a determined and strict face. “You’re right, my friend, how could I ever let myself go like this. I don’t know what I would do without you, we must fix this mess and make myself look presentable for my love.” I am thankful for his accepting attitude as I feel the eyes of those creatures on me, upset that they will have to wait longer for their food. They can wait, I have my own self to preserve. “You would truly be a mess without me, Chip. Come now, I must get you clean and then prepare dinner for the rest of the crew.”

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