Man, why is dating such a hard concept for me. I feel constantly stuck between a rock and a hard place. Every time I think someone is cool, they're not into me. I don't market myself in a "dateable" way, and I can never work up the courage to ask people out. I wish they would just ask me out, but I constantly feel like because my body isn't femme, and I'm not plus sized and thus exist in this weird middle ground, I'm not attractive. And I know that some people do find me attractive, but it's never the people I feel attracted to. I'm in this constant gridlock and keep feeling like I have to lose weight to gain appeal. I think maybe it's just because I don't put enough effort in, or maybe it's because I'm simply destined to be "the friend." I do like that as a concept, but it just makes me repress everything about myself, sexually, physically, and romantically. I keep repressing these things because I think that it will make people around me feel safe, which I know is strange, but as a kind of masc presenting AMAB person, I worry that I'm going to hurt or scare people that I like. I am a sexual person, and I think I keep trying to hide that because I'm scared it's a defect. I wish I could make it go away, but maybe embracing it will make dating easier. I need to date when I'm not in the middle of bumfuck nowhere though.