Fear of Fear (Rainer Werner Fassbinder, 1975)

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Fear of Fear (Rainer Werner Fassbinder, 1975)

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Asta Scheib, Sonntag in meinem Herzen
Am Anfang:
Es fröstelte ihn auf dem kalten Tisch, auf dem er abgelegt worden war.
Am Ende:
Der Tod hatte seine langsame Arbeit begonnen, Carl war auf dem Weg in das Schattenreich, wo er vielleicht auf sie warten würde.
Writing delights me. That's nothing new. That's the only thing that still supports me, that will also come to an end. That's how it is. One does not live forever. But as long as I live I live writing. That's how I exist. There are months or years when I cannot write. Then it comes back. Such rhythm is both brutal and at the same time a great thing, something others don't experience.
Thomas Bernhard, interview with Asta Scheib
I prefer to know everything. And I always try to rob people and get everything that is in them out of them. As long as you can do so without the others recognizing it. When people discover that you want to rob them they shut their doors. Like the doors are shut when someone suspect comes near. But if nothing else is possible you can also break in. Everyone has some cellar window open. That also can be quite appealing.
Thomas Bernhard, interview with Asta Scheib
I'm not impressed by anything any more. One still likes some old philosophers, some aphorisms. It's almost like fleeing into music. For hours you enter into a wonderful mood. I still have plans. I once had four or five, now I have two or three. But it's not necessary. I don't need it and the world doesn't need it either. When I feel like writing I write, when I don't feel like it I don't. Whatever you write it's always a catastrophe. That's the depressing thing about the fate of a writer. One can never put on paper what one thought of or imagined. That gets lost when it is put onto paper. All you deliver is a bad, ridiculous copy of what you had imagined. Basically, one cannot communicate all that. No one ever managed to do so.
--Thomas Bernhard, interview with Asta Scheib (1986)

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AS: Have you accepted your existence as a writer?
TB: Well, one wants to get better at writing, because otherwise you become crazy. That happens when you get older. The composition should always get more concise. I always tried to do something better when going on. To take the next step depend on the one before. Of course one always has the same theme. Everyone has his theme. He should move around in that theme. Then he does it well. There were many ideas. Maybe one wants to become monk, or work on the railroad, or cut wood. One wants to belong to the very simple people. That's of course a mistake, because you do not belong. If one is like I am something like that is of course impossible, one cannot be a monk or work on the railroad. I was always a loner. Despite that one strong relationship I was always alone. At the beginning of course I thought I had to go somewhere and join in the conversation.
--from an interview with Thomas Bernhard conducted by Asta Scheib (1986)
One never knows who one is. The others tell you who you are, don't they? And as you're told so a million times if you live a long life, in the end you don't know at all who you are. Everyone says something different. You yourself also say something different each new moment.
--Thomas Bernhard, interview with Asta Scheib (1986)