#aspiewolf

Light it up TEAL for Autism ACCEPTANCE.

Honestly, I'm twenty-five, and no one knows the whole, entirely true story of me uncut. I wonder how normal that is, to never have been known by family, friends, or partners for nineteen years. I've worn masks, lied for the comfort of others, purposely omitted details, played the spy and detective within my own story. If anyone knew the real me, I'm pretty sure they'd all run screaming and leave me bleeding and alone. I need somebody to know me, not necessarily a partner (though I'd like that to be the case). I need somebody to know the whole me and choose to keep me around anyway. I need this. It is no longer a want. I need to trust someone. I can't trust anyone I know right now not to look at me differently and think of me differently for my life. I'm not sure that I can trust them period. I've been pathetic and weak while simultaneously being strong, fierce, and brave, stupid while cunning, a rule breaker, a somehow wholesome deviant, and all the while finding ways to do the right thing, most of the time with zero thanks, sometimes completely anonymously. I've almost died a few times, gotten low and had to see myself out a few more. I'm so tired of being everyone's rescuer including my own. Somebody save me. I'm fine with myself alone, and don't need to be with anyone, but I just need someone to know and to not run away, that's all. A partner is a want, a gentle friend who can be there is an absolute need, if that friend wants to date me, good on her.

I also realize that some of you smoke weed to deal with a harshly neurotypical and judgmental world that can be overwhelming. I dated a stoner for six weeks, and I understand the impulse, but just like with alcohol, do it safely and responsibly within your own home (hell, do them together for some added fun), but don't drive or do anything that could recklessly endanger your life while high and/or drunk. Stay safe, stoner wolfies. Huff and puff and try not to blow your house down.

You are autistic. You are not only autistic. Don't sell yourself short, wolfies.

I've had three requests for the manuscript of my novel featuring an autistic mystery solver, no offers of representation yet, but I'm hoping. Also, there are plenty of agencies who haven't responded one way or another, and it has only been a few days. They say it takes weeks, so here's hoping that I'll have more requests by the end of the month, and offers by the end of the year.

2. I'm writing a novel, and I'm really close to finished with it. The main character is autistic, and he's trying to prove that he isn't the murderer that's terrorizing a small town in New Hampshire.