#asphaltvalkyrie

“It’s not like it’s a big deal anymore... I’m sure he’s forgotten all about me, but... Wesley was... my first. Maybe that’s why... look, I don’t think of often, just... sometimes...

I’m so glad you’re in a better place. I often wonder what happens to the people that come by seeking advice, so many just disappear back into the ether, it is good to know that your life is getting better.

He is, thank you!! I’ll let him know you said that ♥ Have a couple more Burts!!

🍦  Ice Cream Headcanons!  🍨

Bwahahahahaha! 🐷

During a particularly bad drought for his reagent/taxidermy business(es), Boar accepted a bar-tending position in order to scrape up some extra gil. That happened. I was able to play it out, funnily enough.

What most of his friends and colleagues don’t know is that he spent the weeks leading up to said bar’s grand opening imposing a grueling cocktail obstacle course upon himself, practicing with a mixology book open on the counter. Never had he ever used a shaker or a bar spoon before. 

To be honest, his assumption was that no one was going to show up, that he’d essentially be minding a dank, cob-webby basement for a wage. Even so, he was committed to the idea of supplying a perfect and fully nuanced final product, just in case.

Unfortunately for him, a swathe of people poured through the doors at the appointed hour, and the massive, totally rambunctious crowd spooked him stiff. He only lasted three shifts before taking off his apron and walking out, breathing what was potentially a record-breaking sigh of relief.

10: What’s the hardest thing for you to write?

WOMEN WOMEN WOMEN

tbh, i gotta stop telling myself that or im not gonna get any better, but its a serious issue of mine. All my women have strong characters in my mind, but they dont have nearly the amnt of presence the men do, and whenever I try to write them, it comes out stiff as cardboard. I think my men are also walking wrecks and my women tend to be more sure-footed-- so with less issues to dodge, it makes them less nuanced and less interesting. I can’t have everybody always on the verge of disaster, but I definitely need to work on evening that divide.

That’s a tough one. Lots of strange things happen in veterinary medicine, but something requested by a human is a tough one to pick. Honestly I think your caller seeking a Beagle cadaver probably takes the cake, but some of mine are:

Owner wanting to keep dog’s testicles after castration

Owner requesting we collect a semen sample from his dog ‘just for testing’. Not intending to breed it or anything.

Owner wanting assurance that her deceased pet wasn’t going to get turned into pet food (I mean seriously, wtf)

Owner wanting to stay in consult room, cradling her deceased pet until it went cold.

Someone wanting to know what over the counter flea and parasite products they could use on themselves

The owner that requested her chihuahua only be given distilled water to drink, which had homeopathic drops added to it, in order to stop the ‘seizures’ it was having all the time. The ‘seizures’ which she pointed out to me as they were happening, were not only not prevented by this routine, but they were imaginary.

When my world’s on fire You kill the flames I love how you're always The beauty in my pain

-Beautiful by Duncan Laurence