#asnf

Two nights ago, I was talking to my dad about his life - and the conversation led to my childhood.  From age 7-14, I didn't see him much - maybe once a year.

I barely knew him as I approached my teen years.  Except I do remember in vivid detail the love, affection and attention he had shown me before the separation.

There was a dramatic moment in my life when I was 14 that changed our relationship - but by then, I was on my way through puberty - so I resisted my dad’s affections.  It was a rough start.  I’ll share another time, the turn of events that drew me near.  But suffice it to say, I never really new “his” side of the divorce story.

We shared about a great deal of this thoughts, but I realized I didn’t know how he felt.  It prompted me to ask how he felt when my mom divorced him and left with me.  I had never thought about it until that night - and it was the most passionate I've ever heard him speak.  So I quietly pulled out my phone to record.

What I hadn't expected...

He said something that sparked a burning pain in me.  I think up until now, I’ve never truly shared, or even admitted to myself, how much pain I’m in every day.