#askingforhelpisokay

Written and posted on February 5th, 2022

Proud disabled cat mom moment! A couple of weeks ago, I was with my mentor Nikki and the person she was training. We were bagging up my groceries to carry them up to my apartment. I thought to try putting this 20 POUND BOX of cat litter into my basket. We weren’t sure if it would fit, but IT DID! I was so excited! This is the first time that I carried litter on my own. It’s still heavy, and makes my walker harder to move, but I’m proud to say that I carried this litter and some groceries. 

I will say, I had it in my head that I was going to carry ALL of my groceries on my own, and got a bit upset when I realized I wasn’t going to be able to. My mentor reminded me that helping me with that is part of her job. I think I have just been so excited about all the new stuff I have been attempting and been able to do since moving out, that I get a bit carried away. Just because I can do a lot of cool stuff (and am super strong physically) does not mean that I can physically handle doing everything that I try. I had to remind myself that I am doing great, and that having help is okay. It is not bad. Sometimes I just get this feeling of I WANT TO DO IT ALL BY MYSELF, like a toddler or something, who is learning new things. 

I can’t do everything I try, sometimes it’s faster and easier for others to do something for me (this is hard too at times) but it’s all okay. If you find yourself feeling this way, as a disabled person, you are not alone. I suggest focusing on the stuff you can do, reveling in that glory and remembering that help is not a negative thing. 

*Disclaimer : I recognize that my level of ability is only mine, and so people who read this may have more or less physical ability than me. What is hard for me is easier for some. What is easy for me is harder (or not possible) for some people. Wherever you’re at is okay, whatever you can do is awesome, and help is a friend. As my mom says, part of independence is being able to ask others to help you. Independence doesn’t mean doing it all on your own. It means doing what you can while also weaving together a web of help (whether you are disabled or not) to get your needs met. 

Have you ever felt this way? What were the circumstances? If you are disabled, how do you manage these feelings and situations?