#askavacyn

The first bite of the blade into her flesh felt good.

It was like every ounce of depression and anxiety was slipping out with her blood.

This was the only way. Vraska would leave everyone alone if she was gone, she was only after her right? And she was as bad as the gorgon, judging people and killing them without a second thought. She didn't deserve to carry the title of Guardian of Thraben, she couldn't kill a monster that had been stalking them and she was just as bad.

She was useless with her broken ankle and wounded shoulder and with Gerline attacking the city she was just a liability. She had slept with her best friend and she honestly didn't think things would ever be the same again because she couldn't control herself. 

And then there was Rem. He had left her and broken her and then he came back when she was finally healing and shattered her again. She knew that with time she'd get over him but in that moment it didn't see right. It just seemed...worthless. Everything was worthless. There wasn't a light at the end of the tunnel for her, there was no more hope for the Guardian of Thraben.

She closed her eyes and continued to slice her skin, feeling it pour down her arms. She dropped the blade, trembling. 

"Dear Avacyn, please forgive me for what I'm about to say, since I'm going to pretend you're my ex," she said apologetically to the angel. "You...you jerk. You broke my heart and wounded me in a place few ever have. I loved you with all my heart," she said, trying to remain calm, "I thought you were the one for me. It wasn't the fact that I received news of a friend's death that made me bitter. You just had to do it right before the beginning of the New Year, didn't you? I told you time and time again. As long as I knew you were okay and you were safe I was just fine. All the times you went away, why? Why were you away for so long, anyway? I won't deny the fact that I did worry about you.

"A couple people even thought that we were married, to be honest, and at the time it was kind of funny to tell them no we weren't. I thought...I thought you'd be my rock. You assisted me when I was injured and were there when I was pulling myself together mentally. Your love helped give me more strength to endure the impostor's nonsense.

"After you broke my heart and went to go after your next girlfriend, I bawled in private. On top of that I got so drunk I wound up with a hangover the next morning. A friend of mine helped me move back to my old place and my entire garden was transplanted. You wouldn't know her, though. She iced my wrists from using the second form of the beast. Voja would have thought I was a giant house cat with how fluffy I am because of the winter. Part of me is angry if only for how fast you moved on from me, and the one question that still floats around my mind is 'How could you?' Now you're acting like our relationship, where the last five months of it we lived together, was nothing, and now I'm a stranger, which hurts. I don't want another explanation. Just don't ignore me like you have in the past. That was one thing that did bug me but I didn't pay any attention to it because I was either concerned with the safety of innocents, helping Jace, 'walking to other planes myself, or just living on Ravnica.

"I'm just disappointed. I'm not hurting as badly, but there's still a nasty bitterness with when and how you did it. You could have waited till after the New Year. Now...now you're just someone I used to know, or rather I thought I knew. I'm moving on with my life. I will only wish you the best, Tolsimir Wolfblood.

I...

That honestly seems like such a low number.

Sigarda had managed to get away from Karn, but just barely. The golem was dangerous, he wasn't to be taken lightly. 

She exhaled slowly, watching as her breath came out cloudy. She wasn't alone. 

A pale hand touched her shoulder and the fallen angel turned so she could see who it was. A smile came to her face when she saw it was Avacyn. 

"Avacyn, did you take care of the things you needed to attend to?" she asked, eyes heavily lidded. 

The woman nodded, holding up a hand and examining the fingernails that were covered in blood. 

"Get on your knees Sigarda." Avacyn said, voice sounding bored.

The blonde angel cocked her head to the side. "Why would I do that?" she asked, face a picture of defiance.

"Knees. Now." Avacyn snapped, finger pointing down.

As if under a spell Sigarda fell to her knees, staring up at the other woman. 

She shivered as Avacyn leaned down, barely ghosting their lips together. "You obey when I give you an order. Do you understand?" she whispered.

Sigarda could hardly find her voice. "Yes Milady." she managed, colourless eyes wide.