#ask:kacey

"I do what I wanted at sixteen and go to the olympic trials."

"I am... seven-ish, maybe six, years old and having what we thought at the time was lung problems, turns out it was my heart failing, anyway, I'm left in the children's hospital by myself while they do overnight observations, delirious as fuck from a fever and medications. It's dark, it's storming outside, I'm pretty convinced monsters are still real and they are going to get me because I can hear all the other kids on the unit and the nurses outside whispering, the alarms, it's a lot for a kid." He starts to smile a bit at the memory.

"The thunder starts going off, and it's one of those storms where it's loud. Like, window shaking loud. It gets so loud and the lightning is crazy bright, and it's lighting up the room, making all sorts of shadows, I scream and hide under the hospital blankets damn near yanking my IV out." His hand absently covers his wrist where a little scar, weathered and lightened over time remains. "Things quiet for a moment, but it rolls through again and I can swear whatever shadow is in the room is getting closer to me with each burst of lightning. I start crying, calling out for my mom, my dad, one of the nurses, anything to save me from what I was pretty sure a monster coming to get me." A small laugh.

"I hear my sisters voice, and pull down the covers, and there she is. She had hid in the laundry behind this closet curtain so she could stay with me, but she'd fallen asleep and only woke up because the thunder had also startled her awake. Our parents never really took note of where we were, I think they assumed our older sister would watch us, but the nurses came in for checks and she was sleeping beside me, called our parents, I begged them to let her stay, she was my sister, my safety, y'know?" A solemn expression makes its way to his eyes, smile faltering a bit. "My other half, literally. If I couldn't sleep, she couldn't sleep and if she was afraid, I was afraid... From then on if I was in the hospital the staff would make sure it was a room with a cot so she could be with me. I think about that night a lot when there's lightning and thunder, and even though we grew out of sharing beds and hiding in hospital cafeterias together, I can still feel her with me during the storms." His gaze goes from the ocean view to his company.

Kacey laughs and shrugs. "I dunno. I like the idea of teaching someone to snowboard or surf since it's something I enjoy and if I had someone I was dating, would want to share that with them. My last girlfriend and I we cooked together a lot or often completed puzzles or crosswords together, it's a kind of intimacy I don't think I've ever experienced since and I wonder if I'll find that again." If I'll let myself find that again. He thinks with a slight frown.

"Your laundry's folded."

"C'mere, let me help."

Or just quiet acts of service that he notices because Kacey is weirdly perceptive.

"Uhhh, strained to say the least. Like, I love my parents and clearly I wouldn't be as far in life as I am without the boost I got, but... I dunno. I don't even know how to explain it. I didn't have a shitty childhood like a lot of people, but something is suffocating about suburban parents and the need to maintain image... And the lengths that are gone to for that image."