If you're going to ruin this little game by sending literal garbage choices, I'm going to stop humoring you.

Theo is the only one on that list that holds any appeal whatsoever but pay to lay then leave is obviously not one of the options.

@ffsfckerman @starshineblaine @serpentjake

☯ for an adoring text

[✉ TO PUCKERMAN]: This is the mushiest you’re ever going to hear me get, but I’m glad you’re my kind-of-friend-ish-thing. You actually really don’t suck like at all, Jake.

$ for a lying text

[✉ TO PUCKERMAN]: Pffft, like I care about the fact that I’ve never snogged anybody but Hugo, and that was a stupid mistletoe kiss that didn’t mean anything to him. Kissing’s just a distraction anyway, I don’t know what you think is supposedly so great about it.

October 2023

Dear Diary,

Why is everyone in my year so obsessed with Jake Puckerman all of a sudden?

Don’t get me wrong, he seems nice enough, and he’s fairly interesting, but it just seemed like it happened over night. I don’t understand if there’s some sort of memo I missed where it said ‘if you want to be relevant and liked and a success during fifth year, you must befriend this random Slytherin boy’, but it certainly seems that way, and I don’t want to get left behind.

I guess I need to talk to Jake Puckerman more now too, don’t I? Even if he did date scary Kitty Wilde...

Ugh, what on earth do I have in common with a grumpy jock? I need to make a list of possible conversation topics to ensure that I don’t fall completely flat on my face when I talk to him; that would be embarrassing, and then my friends might replace me with him since he won’t like me for being completely awkward and spazzy.

Merlin, why is fifth year so much more complicated than our first three years were? I really wish I hadn’t zoned out so much last year, I feel so behind.

Merlin please help me to not mess this up.

xoxo,

Becca

Dear DADA homework,

I’m supposed to be doing you, but I don’t feel like it.

I’ve known Jake Puckerman for years but I never really paid that much attention to him until lately. He was just some Slytherin git that hung out around Ari and her crew, so it didn’t seem like there was any point in getting to know him.

And then we had to do this assignment together today.

He got inside my head. Like, really inside my head.

And he called me out on my shit with how I’ve treated Ari, which is... surprisingly cool? Because I’ve thought for a while that maybe I fucked that up when I shouldn’t have, but no one ever says anything to me, they just leave it alone whenever it gets brought up.

But Jake’s not afraid to speak his mind and tell me when I’m not treating people right.

He really should have been a Gryffindor, the hat was right. Too bad he didn’t listen and asked it to be somewhere else, it might have been cool to get to know him better.

Plus I bet he’s good at snogging. People would stop accusing me of still being into Hugo if I snogged him, right? But I can’t snog a Slytherin, then creeps like Dolohov will get ideas.

Oh well. I’ll just... let Jake know he doesn’t suck and that hanging out with him isn’t awful, once he’s less pissed at me for having to do that dumb assignment.

My abs are better than yours.

I never meant to like you.

A mystery I’d love to solve.

Send “✉” for a text that WASN’T SENT. 

[TEXT]: I don’t usually like Slytherins, but you don’t act like the average one. I don’t know what it is about you, Puckerman, but you just... aren’t like the rest of them, I guess. 

Send “✘” for a HATEFUL text.

[TEXT]: HOW DARE YOU SHOW UP TO THE GAME WEARING BLUE.

Send “%” for a CURIOUS text.

[TEXT]: Has Scorpius ever trained you guys on trying to take shots upside down? Because my team aren’t that great at it and I’ve been needing someone to surprise me with upside down shots for practice.

Send “$” for an ACCIDENTAL text.

[TEXT]: Bed: Puckerman, Wed: Lynn, Behead: Dolohov. That one was a no-brainer, Roxy, honestly.