#ask thangs

Who does your character look up to? If your character had to have a specific role model, who would it be? 

// I missed this for a long while, I’m sorry random OC question fairy. Janijaire realistically wouldn’t be able to tell a role model from a hole in the ground. He’s only had two good influences in his (younger) life that meant well and while they both did their best, they were both very biased due to their own upbringings and backgrounds.

Nowadays, he doesn’t so much look up to but tries to make himself better through the influence multiple people have on him:

zombie by jamie t

I got bloodshot eyes and there’s blood in my teethI got a ripped up jacket and a friend who’s a thiefWell, I'mma coughing out my mouth, trying to pull it outBut the fire inside keeps burning, burning out

“I like him more than Brimaine’s previous friends. Hopefully he sticks around; he’s good for her, and I actually find him quite charming. In that... rogue sort of way. I can’t believe he got her to go camping...”

// This was actually supposed to be an OOC ask answer but then RP happened and my brain wouldn’t shut up. Since there were two questions, this is just the first from @taetelli : character has been granted 3 wishes; what would they wish for and why?

@atomicdeke and @astrolevitation for mentions~

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While the director rests, he talks. It's not for any actual reason. There's no cause to think that Vander's tonics won't work, so it's entirely likely that the woman is completely out. Still, he had found it comforting when she had quite literally talked him to sleep just a sennight ago, so perhaps he just wants to repay the kindness. 

He really isn't one for talking just to fill silence. Usually. Better to have everyone think you're a fool than open your mouth and prove them right, as they say. Maybe a part of him simply hopes that it might help to keep those afterimages away, even if he has absolutely nothing to prove it might.

It's just about the book he'd brought with him, at first. Idle comments about the subject and then some paragraphs until his back starts to ache and he has to stand. She'd given him permission to use her astroscope, so he lets curiosity take the reins and open the window to put the thing to use.

“I’ve never really been good at this sort of thing–the talking. A product of my upbringing, perhaps, if you could call wandering around the woods an upbringing at all.”

As she'd warned he has to adjust the thing to save his neck, but does his best to remember how everything was before he touched it.

"I met Itonne and Ladroix right after the growth that took me from very nearly normal to... well, this. I was seventeen, or 'roundabouts, as I've told you before. I walked around like a newborn fawn and was just as clumsy with words."

It's a clear night, at least, so he actually has something to look at in the sky which helps to draw his focus from his words. It's easier that way, not thinking and debating over every word as he is wont to do when anyone conscious is around to hear.

"Even after a few years, I think 'tis less that I got better at it and more they simply knew what I was trying to say. There lies a harsh difference between being well spoken and speaking well, I think you'd agree."

// Jani: Generally does not care. He was previously the ‘stay at home’ parent even if it didn’t exactly fit the ‘at home’ idea because he took his daughter with him when he went to work. He’s never truly put much thought about what his proper role should be and still doesn’t.

Hiss: Gender what now

Tarkhan: A mix. It’s less ‘gender role’ and more that he has a hard time breaking from the idea that he is meant to be a Provider and should have All The Answers. He has a hard time with a lot of things people might consider feminine, but that’s not where his worries really come from. TL;DR: It’s Complicated.

//

Jani: Does not actually know when his birthday is, besides that it’s sometime in the winter or early spring, maybe. It’s really just a guess. Because of this and how he grew up, he’s never really considered it important. He tends to forget that birthdays are a thing, but he’ll get you a present if you mention yours is coming up!

Hiss: Used to care and want to celebrate his birthday, but ignores them now because of some things that happened on his 18th. He mostly just doesn’t want to Think About It.

Tark: Like celebrating others, but doesn’t care much about his own. That sibling-turned-parental-figure mood.

// You come in to my house and make me feel these feelings? How dare you.

He does not even know where the comment comes from, truthfully. An idle yet heartfelt breath at Bokh, or the baths that tend to come after? Somewhere in between? Perhaps it was neither, something he overhead whilst he shopped in Ul'dah. No ill intent at all.

And yet.

And yet.

He punishes his violin, unfairly so, notes harsh and unforgiving in the early hours of the morning.

It takes more courage to suffer than to die.

Uttered somewhere, anywhere. It does not matter where he heard it but he did all the same and he is very   nearly frothing at the mouth even now, hours later. He would have some pity for the rooms that neighbor his own within the clinic, were he not otherwise occupied. They have never voiced a complaint--why would they now?

Fuck courage, he thinks, teeth clenched tight while he plays.

A part of him thinks he should not be dwelling on this.

What has courage brought?

Death, that voice inside says, and his own continues--those seeking honor and glory with courage in their veins--what did they earn?

Nothing. Nothing at all.

He alone upkeeps a grave and a hopeful marker to prove as much.

A vital string of his instrument snaps.

Frustration boils and erupts before he has any true say. His notes screech, harsh, before halting entirely. The violin is tossed to the far side of the couch--he will not trash the instrument, even in his anger--the bow, however, bounces with his tantrum-inspired throw. Above the mantle, back over the couch and clattering among the bookshelves in the front section of his chambers.

He can not bring himself to care. He curls upon the couch, making himself as small as he can while his hands reach in to his hair and pull, seeking any, any kind of thing that might ground him.

// Short answer: Yes! It has been a theme in each of their backstories, really.

Janijaire: First when he was growing up and then living in Coerthas as an adult. First he didn’t really know where else to go and then later his family was there and he wasn’t willing to leave them behind. Currently, he’s feeling trapped by a Certain Situation and Does Not Like It™

C’ahis (Hiss): Basically his backstory in a nutshell. Everything about his life was strictly controlled--what he learned, what he did, what he ate, how he spoke--everything. It’s why he’s so recklessly impulsive now, because he never had the chance before.

Tark: Slightly lesser than the other two, but there was a period that he was Stuck in Kugane with not enough money to go elsewhere. It’s a period of his life he still doesn’t like to bring up, because he did a lot of things he isn’t proud of just to get by.