Ace
When Vlad Masters was slammed into a brick wall by a teenager for the third time in as many months, he began to question his life choices a little.
“Why can’t you just leave me alone, Plasmius? I haven’t done anything to you in weeks!” Danny Phantom complained, his breaths slightly ragged as he floated above the man. His arms were crossed in defiance, a stance reinforced by his wild, unbrushed hair.
Vlad sighed and picked himself up, brushing dust and bits of stone from his white and red suit. “My boy, do you truly believe you have done nothing?”
Gathering up magenta ectoplasm in his hands, Vlad fired off an intense ghost ray at the child before he could answer. Much to his annoyance, Danny managed to deflect it with a green shield before swooping in close. Fists and feet flew in Vlad’s direction, each attempt at a blow punctuated by a few grunted words.
“I just-” sidekick. “Said-” jab. “That I haven’t-” uppercut. “TRIED ANYTHING!”
The younger hybrid’s eyes glowed a brighter green before two concentrated beams of ectoplasm shot at Vlad, who merely dropped lower in the air to avoid them. The man grabbed Danny by the collar. A smug grin settled on his blue face and he leveled Danny with a look that screamed condescension.
“I would presume, at this point,” He sneered self-righteously, “That you’d have realized that I didn’t come here to have a tussle with you. I have far better things to do.”
“Like getting cat foo-”
“I AM NOT HERE FOR CAT FOOD!” Vlad snarled, before calming himself. “If you would simply leave me to my… errands, little badger, we would not be having this spat, and you could be enjoying a nice time with your little girlfriend.”
Danny visibly gritted his teeth and haphazardly flung a pair of semi-spherical ectoblasts in Vlad’s direction. “Oh, get off my back! Why does everyone assume that we’re a thing anyway? Logically I’m not into anyone, not like that.”
That piqued Vlad’s interest. “Oh?” He prompted, one trimmed eyebrow raised.
“Yeah, duh.” Danny scoffed, pausing in his attack to roll his eyes and snap out, “Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about.”
“I don’t believe I do?”
Danny blinked, and floated a bit closer to the ground. “Wait, really? I thought it was obvious. I mean, of course I don’t want to have sex with Sam, or anyone else for that matter. It’s a ghost thing, and since I’m a ghost, I’m asexual.”
“...Daniel.” Vlad started slowly, taking in this revelation and the extent of his would-be student’s misinformation, “That’s not how this works.”
“Uh, what?”
“Desiree, the genie ghost, runs a ghostly harem. I’ve received news that the Lunch Lady ghost is expecting that idiot Box Ghost’s child. And I assure you that the spirit of nature and agriculture, Undergrowth, didn’t acquire several million ghostly plant children on his own,” Vlad allowed himself a chuckle, “He is not called a god for nothing, my dear boy.”
Now completely off guard, Danny lowered his hands from a ready stance and began twiddling his gloved fingers in thought. “I… I never thought about that. B-but then, that means it’s a hybrid thing! Right, yeah. A hybrid thing.”
...Dear god.
“And how, exactly, do you rationalize that your state of being… asexual, you called it? Is inherently a trait that hybrids share?” Vlad asked, halfway in curiosity and halfway in simple disbelief.
“Well,” Danny began, taking a deep breath, “Hybrids between two species are sterile, and with how different ghosts and humans are from each other, there’s no way hybrids like us are able to have any biological kids. So that means that we have no reason to have a sex drive! There’s no point in having sex, so we don’t want to.”
Vlad took a moment to respond to that, and even then his first reaction was to tiredly rub at his temples. Did the boy really not understand?
“Daniel, you do understand what I intend to do with your mother once your father is no longer in the picture, yes?”
Danny’s dark eyebrows furrowed, as if he believed the answer to be obvious. “I figured you’d get married.”
“And?”
“And run a bakery…?”
“No.”
“......oh my god you SICKO-”
