#aselfunknown

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“…………..don’t…………….understand…”

Pride had picked up on the point that Greed seemed to like having stuff. Not just the books that used to be Father’s, but other things too. Things that were “useful” or things he said he’d wanted. Pride tried telling him once that he couldn’t carry enough bags for everything. He wasn’t really sure it changed Greed’s mind about it. Or changed anything, really.

But he hadn’t heard it be used towards people. Let alone him.

‘The Devil’s Carnival’ sentence meme

“......................why?” he tilted his head and blinked at the other, “..................not......enough bags.....”

Everything was a lot. It was probably going to be heavy too. Was this a “Greed thing”? Like how always being hungry was a “Gluttony thing” and wanting to nap all the time instead of dig was a “Sloth thing”? Pride wasn’t sure he was supposed to get it if it was. He was sure he had some kind of thing of his own, other than shadows. Or being sneaky.

Pride frowned a little and looked around. There wasn’t much in the underground to have either. A lot of old books about alchemy that Father had, he’d looked at some of them now that there was no threat but didn’t understand any of it. As far as he knew, none of his siblings kept much of anything either. Lust had some clothes to wear to trick humans, Envy had an old coat like Pride did to go out in sometimes. As far as he knew, Pride was the only one with any possessions outside of Father. A music box, and the few things inside of it, which wasn’t much.

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Nothing brought it on this time, it just happened.

Pride had stumbled up and off to somewhere else. Away from the destruction and rubble, from scorch marks and transmutation circles. From the slaughtered remains of the chimera he’d found just yesterday in the tunnels above. His legs gave out and he finally let himself cry. Body wrecking sobs and cries until his throat went raw from his spot on the floor. It hurt, and he couldn’t stop it from spilling out no matter how hard he tried to put it back. He wasn’t even sure where to put it if he could gather it all again. The flood rose so high he was drowning and now it just had to come out.

Everything reminded him. Everything. No matter how far away he got it still reminded him. The quiet and the empty, how cold it felt. His nightmares mixed burning buildings and twisted corpses and the pain of his body being torn apart in his own skin, with gunfire and the smell of burning flesh and the cold eyes of humans looking for the next sin to burn away from their world. Pride couldn’t get away from it, and wasn’t even sure he wanted to. Too scared to stay and too terrified to go outside yet and leave.

He didn’t know when Greed had come to find him, just looked up when he did and waited. To be scolded, to be told a real homunculus doesn’t cry, to be angry with him. It never came, and he cried harder letting himself slump against the other as he sobbed. Cling and hold onto Greed in desperation because anything was better than the feelings inside. Crying as his voice crackled out. He wasn’t family, Greed made that clear, it wasn’t the same and it didn’t make the pain or the empty cold go away. His stomach felt hollow with pain, scraped out. Like claws from the chimera when he’d watched them scrape the last of the meat they could from a carcus they were eating. There was no meat left in him, but the claws kept scraping for anything that was left.

His lungs. His heart. His mind.

There was so much happening, he didn’t notice the body until it started to move.

Pride had hidden from the fight, witht he man who looked like Father, and the woman, the boy and the man he thought were fake...the eye was gone from his stomach and his hands still shook as he touched his own skin to see if if it was really gone. The strangers looked shocked to see him, they called him a name that wasn’t his again, the Boy in Red was yelling, everything outside that he’d seen and hearing screams and fire in the tunnels....Pride remembered covering his ears and shrieking until his throat was raw. The fighting was so loud then, he didn’t understand why, he just screamed until he coudln’t and just cried, exhausted listening to the fighting...

And then it moved, Father left, they followed him. The people in the room didn’t know where he was, they’d left him alone. That was when he saw the movement from the body and jumped. Shadows sprang to life under him and stretched along the wall behind him, eyes opening to stare at the threat. They’d lashed out at Father, he’d be furious with Pride when he came back. His stomach lurched at the thought but the eyes showed him...him?

Slowly he’d gotten up and walked over, making no sound and ready to run if it was another threat. Instead he saw someone who looked kind of like him. Pride felt a moment of horrified dread hit him at the thought that the Boy in Red was real too now, before he caught the stranger’s hand, seeing the familiar red serpant curled there.

Greed.

Envy had told Pride about him, he ran off, he was melted he was...somewhere else? In someone? In Father? Pride couldn’t remember, but he hurried over as the other moved again. Gone for a long time or not, he was just relieved to see another sibling that was alive in the wake of the death of the others, “.............Greed?.............Greed, hurt..........stay still......” he ignored the mumble that the other was fine and reached up to help steady him.

Hmm... Starters

Pride felt his shoulders sag a little in defeat and he gave the other a pleading and almost desperate look. But he was so bad at talking, and even worse at trying to explain things. At this point into their conversation, Pride was amazed that the other was even willing to sit and listen to him still. For not the first time in the past few days, he really wished someone else was there. Was still there. Who was definitely smarter than him and could do a better job if nothing else. 

Everything still hurt, inside and outside, since the day of the fighting. Since he watched exactly what Father had been planning all this time, since he watched how dangerous and yet truely helpless humans and the military could be. Since Sloth and Wrath were killed, since Father was sent away, since Envy...

He rubbed at his eyes and sat back, struggling but trying again, “................gate open...........Father did it..............with humans........and me....” he didn’t understand that part, just that it happened and there was a lot of screaming and swearing in his head from The Boy in Red, who was eerilie quiet now. Watching, Pride guessed, “................wanted..................god? I think..........lots of humans got hurt..............family is gone..........and you got here..............after gate opened..........but not my brother.” that, was the hardest thing to wrap his mind around. A whole other place with others like him? Were they dead too or were they missing and looking for their Greed?

The kid really didn’t get it. There was no way he could… right? It wasn’t as if he could hide how he really felt either, despite the words themselves, Greed picked up on the twinge of hurt that was there. That was for the best. He tried to convince himself of that anyway.Things were already fucked up enough…

The homunculus found himself casting violet eyes to the rain of gold on his shoulder and running a hand over it without even realizing it. “No kid, ya can’t…” voice quiet and vaguely distant. No one could, not even him most of the time. The ghosts of someone who had the same name as the one beside him… but wasn’t him… a ghost that was supposed to once have been the homunculus. Greed didn’t always know who he was himself. How could anyone else know him?

But the one thing that Ed would never understand, at least Greed was afraid he wouldn’t, was that there was plenty to read between the lines when he called him his possession. How many did Greed outright say that to? If Ed paid close enough attention he’d realize he was the only one Greed outright claimed like that. Sure, if anyone came after anyone here in the Nest, Greed would rip them apart… these people were his possessions too but not like Ed was. Ed wasn’t to be touched by anyone, not even the others in their circle. Ed was special… special in a way no one had been since… since Roy.

Greed’s answer spoke volumes, though the tone of voice gave Ed pause. It almost sounded like doubt... Ed pushed that thought away. Even if it had been, if Greed held a certain uncertainty in what he said, he didn’t lie. He believed it, and it could have easily meant that Greed was lost in thought.

He exhaled a quiet moan as his hair was stroked. Not many things felt as satisfying to him than they way Greed would automatically respond to him. Ed loved it. He also knew that was the problem, though. Ed knew his feelings for Greed went beyond like, and sometimes it blinded him from looking objectively at their situation. When he first fell into this world, he had had every intention on finding a way back home to his family and friends. Getting back to Al had been what he wanted most. Now... he already knew he wasn’t leaving. Ed had stopped trying to find a way. He wasn’t even entirely sure Greed would let him go, but it didn’t matter. This was his home. Ed couldn’t even find it in himself to feel guilty about it.

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He hadn’t meant to stay out so late nor had he meant to get too drunk to walk back to Greed’s. Time had  easily slipped through his fingers after the third beer, and by then another had been placed in front of him. Followed by a few more. Calling Greed hadn’t been his intention either, but Ed had the misfortune of getting lost when he finally decided to get up and leave the bar. Maybe it was his hazy mind or maybe it was those small, yet noticeable differences in streets and locations. Either way, the end result was the same. Ed needed to get home, and he had no one else he trusted to come get him. No other friends, only a few acquaintances he had met in passing.

His head had been resting in his lap to stop the vertigo he had ever since he sat down when he heard footsteps. Looking up, Ed let his vision settle on the familiar boots, then worked its way up before settling on Greed’s eyes. There was actual concern and worry in them. Ed could tell that much even though he was drunk. It felt nice to have someone else concerned for his well being. It made his stomach do that weird little flip flop thing it did occasionally when Greed came near him. Even though the other’s facial expression seemed crabby and annoyed, Ed couldn’t help the soft smile that crept up over his face. “Hey,” he said softly. He managed a half-assed wave of his left hand before letting it drop back down. Ed propped his chin up with his right and tilted his up upwards so he could get a better look at those violet eyes and simply allowed himself to sit there for a moment and take it all in.

Greed had come to pick him up. Ed had known he would, yet having it actually happen made his stomach to that weird flippy thing again.  The empty street suddenly didn’t make him feel alone or isolated. He was in good company.