#asa's asks

[Asa's eyes widen in shock at the sound of Jude's voice. How long had it been since he's last seen the boy? He'd been so caught up in his spiral he's forgotten Jude was a real person. His mind twisted people in evil way, tearing them apart and pasting them back together into something unrecognizable. The innocent concern on Jude's face though brought him peace.]

Jude! I've missed you so much, I thought you'd never come back! I-

[He flushes, chewing on his chapped lip]

You really went searching for me? I'm sorry I've been difficult to find, I've been all over the place as of late. Oh it's so good to hear your voice again.

[Asa's eyes drop to the tank top he wears, a chill running through him. He'd forgotten about his predicament, the anxiety the change brought about had long since calmed when nobody seemed to notice it.]

[And now someone has. What should he say to Jude? Certainly not the truth! He'd despise Asa for what he is, shun him for deceit. Yet his sweet gaze lulled Asa into a state of hope. Maybe he could confide this one to him. Maybe he could have someone know his whole being and not hold it over his head. Boat had taken one of his secrets surprisingly well, maybe the same could be said for Jude.]

[Oh who was Asa kidding? Boat was a queer, of course he didn't care Asa was queer too, and he didn't even know Asa's biggest secret! If he couldn't tell a kid he considers his own brother that he was born woman, how could he tell a boy he's only known for a few months?]

[Asa stumbles over his words, realizing he's been quiet for a while.]

I just wanted to protect myself from the sun, is all. There's been so many cases of sun burn, I ought to keep myself safe.

-🦉

Mentioned:

Jude - @white-wysteria

Oh that's nice-

[Asa freezes at the mention of Jude. Nausea overtakes his senses as his chest tightens.]

So that's where he's been...? He disappears for god knows how long and doesn't even trust me to handle a bloody headache? Half the people I see come complaining over headaches! Yet he goes to you for some god forsaken reason! What do you have that I don't?

[Asa grits his teeth.]

Go away, Wilbur! Don't flaunt your victory over me! God, I know you're dumb, but you can't be that unaware! Do you ever know when to shut up? All you do is scream in my ear and waste my time! And then- and then you have the audacity to-!

[Asa clenches his hair in a white knuckle grip. "Keep your hands to yourself," he thinks, "You are not a violent person."]

Fuck, I don't care anymore! You can have him! Take my job while you're at it too! I quit! I'm done! None of you are my fucking problem anymore! What use am I for if every goddamn person on this island is better fucking medic than me?!

[Asa tears off his arm band and slams his bag to the ground. Adrenaline rushes through his trembling frame. Short, desperate pants escape his lips. He clasps his hands over his mouth, all the anger drained from him.]

I have- I have to go now.

[Asa turns on his heel and runs. Deep enough, he hopes, to never be found.]

-🦉

[Asa glances around before snatching the gubby with childish glee]

Ah, what kind of creature are you? You look like a bunny rabbit!

[He squeezes the gubby, nuzzling against its head]

What to call you...? I can't call you Usa-chan, I already have one!

[Asa freezes, a wave of nausea flooding him.]

I hope Wilbur doesn't go through my bag. If he sees her, I just know they'll all call me a sissy! Not like I wouldn't deserve it...

[Asa shakes his head.]

I'll call you... Bun-Bun for now.

I... suppose you may, however you are.

[The owlish boy's eyes narrow as he stares at him]

Y'know you remind me a lot of that odd little boy who insists he's a cat. Well your face paint reminds me anyhow. What are you supposed to be? A cat? Some sort of uhh tiger perhaps?

-🦉

[Asa startles at the sound of Boat's voice. He frantically wipes his face, trying to clear the remnants of his tears. He knows Boat's alliances, he can't let him see him like this!]

I don't- I don't know what your talking about-

[Boat's gentle touch and kind words frighten him. Asa vaguely remembers their time in the choir. Boat was a tall, tan shadow for Roger and Jack's other friends. Jack... just the thought of him makes Asa boil with disgust. Those evil bastards don't deserve the good will Asa extends towards them. They don't deserve his civility- his generosity.]

[He was so sure Boat was just like them- a cruel beast that would delight in his suffering. Was this manipulation? A tactic for him to drop his guard and be ridiculed for being so stupid?]

[And yet... he can't help but be drawn in by Boat's warmth. He feels so tiny in Boat's grasp. "Just like with papa" a voice in his head provides.]

I- thank you for the offer but I need to find my things. I- um- I left them somewhere in the forest.

[Asa's head starts to spin when he stands. How long had it been since he last ate?]

But- ah- maybe after foraging. Foraging would be nice...

[He pauses before tilting his head to the side.]

What is your real name? I can't keep calling you boat.

[Nothing good comes from denying what you are.]

[Asa Damon was not the type of boy others liked, that much was obvious. He was weak, boring, and down right annoying at times. He'd accepted this fact a long time ago.]

[Yet that never stopped the stabbing ache in his heart when he saw others joking with their friends, playing without a care in the world. How he wanted so badly to be like that!]

[He remembers the way his ribs ached and blood dribbled down his nose. He remembers the way concrete felt as it tore up his soft skin. He knows the way antiseptic burns and bandages cling to torn flesh.]

[He'd show them. He'd show them all that he wasn't weak. He'd make them respect him- fear him. He's make them cry and bleed and beg for forgiveness, just as he had.]