#artsyboy

I liked it, too. I liked it a LOT. a lot more than I should. but you know what? I don't really care. He told me he was going to, and then I let him. but he kissed me first. so you can't even blame me. I'm not going to just let you have him because he's never going to want that. like, at all. trust me. we've talked about all of this. him and I. yes. we've talked about relationships.

He likes me, too. But I'm not going to tell you that and let you get hurt by getting your hopes shot down. I love you too much to let that happen on my own accord, but not enough to stop what i'm doing. Yeah, I feel bad because now I look like you and you look like your "twin", but i'm not going to sit here and say that I feel so terrible and then go and do what I want. That's the difference between us. and you'll never understand that. You wont.

I was talking to him last night about a lot of stuff, and you were one of the topics. and guess what. you're annoying him. just that ever so little bit that he's starting to not want to always be around you like he used to. I'm glad you're happy, but honestly, lets be real. he'd choose me over you. in a heartbeat. Its not that you're gross or anything or even that I'm 'prettier' than you (as you keep telling me). it has to do with the fact that desperation gets you nowhere with guys. absolutely nowhere. I hope you know that he *knows* how desperate you are to sleep with him, and that's making him not want to. at all. the more desperate you are, the less attractive to him you become. I promise you that.

I'm sorry that this is going to happen again, but tell me, how does it feel to be on the other side of the situation? like, really. think about it. think of how *i* felt six months ago when you did the exact same thing to me. It's kinda fucked up isn't it. yeah. yeah it is. but I get my turn now. you had yours, now it's my turn to fuck you over. 

love&rockets.

You sit there all high and mighty, expecting me not to cave in. You are becoming one of the worst friends I've come across. Maybe sophomore year was the year I was making good decisions. I know we've been through a shit-ton, but babe, really, you're scaring me to the point that I'm starting to hate you. You're such a fucking hypocrite. Honestly. You talk about the guys I've been with, and yet just this afternoon, you were talking, *desperately* I might add, about how you're mad that HE's been the only one so far. Don't talk about my mistakes, when I've learned from them, and you're desperate to make the same ones without hearing my advice first. You know all about my past, my present, and my hopeful future. But I don't honestly know if I can deal with you enough now, to let you be in my present. Skinnygirl will be there. I can tell you that much. You on the other hand, I dont know about. I can tell she's a true friend because she promised me that she wont, and I believe her. I can't believe you anymore. Not after what you did 6 months ago. Yeah. It's been that long and I'm still holding it in. I'm still mad at you. I'm mad that you wont let him go, even though you or friendship was on the line. You still chose him. Fine. If that's a fuck you to me, just let me know, and i'll take the hint. I'll be fine without you, I can guarantee that. And it's apparent that you can't live without him or me, but honestly, you'll have to choose, because one of us is hurting you without caring, and the other is caring about you without hurting you. And to be perfectly clear, I'm the second one.

You wouldn't know that he doesn't love you. You wont admit it to yourself. But you sit there and think about everything that's gone on, and you realize he will never look at you like he used to look at me. I'm not trying to sound like he'll always love me and never you, but honestly. He looked at me differently, he talked to me differently, and he actually put in effort to see me. I bet I could still get him to see me before you could. And it's because he knows you're in love with him, and he doesn't want to be a part of "you guys" anymore. Honestly, just give up. I'm giving up on partyboy, just give up on artsyboy. You, my dear, are stuck in love with someone who doesnt and never will love you back. Sucks to hear, doesn't it? 

You promised me that you wouldn't do it again. Not him, I mean, the skin thing. You made me that promise almost a year ago. Now we're getting ready to go off to the same university, and here you go again. I dont know if i'm going to be able to deal with it there. Like, I really doubt I will. Only because this happened last year, and I'm not trying to put the same stress on me again. Sorry if that's not okay with you, but I have to make sure I'm okay. And if I'm not okay, I wont be able to help you be okay. I wont want to. Your depression affects me, but you don't seem to give a flying fuck about me anymore.

So suit yourself. Its your choose. Who're you going to choose?