#argent bashing

Kate Argent

It was hard to decide whether Kate or Gerard deserved to be first in my rant, but after some deliberation, I realized that Kate’s crimes definitely earn her the top spot on my shit list.

First of all, she’s a rapist and a pedophile (I’m aware that she’s technically an ephebophile, but that doesn’t carry the same weight as pedophile). She went after a teenage Derek, who was probably still suffering from the death of Paige and was definitely vulnerable, and used him to gain information about his family so she could trap his family in their home and burn it down (one of the WORST ways to die, btw).

And why the fuck does this never get talked about more in the show?! Is it because Derek is a man and Kate is a woman, so that means it “can’t be rape?” Anyone wanna bet if the sexes were reversed, everyone would’ve been talking about it?

Also, you can’t convince me that Derek was her only victim? For something like this, it’s never just one and done. Chances are this is her preferred method of operating because it guarantees results and she can indulge in her sick little games. Imagine, Derek’s probably only one of who knows how many innocent boys who were used, abused, and manipulated before losing everything. When it comes to pedophiles, they never stop at one. I’ll bet my last dollar that Derek wasn’t the first, nor was he the last.

She also used her position as a substitute teacher at BHHS to get close to Derek and seduce him, so we can add abusing authority to her crimes. Why the fuck did no one see what was going on and report her ass?! If she did that in front of me, I would’ve dragged her ass to the office by her hair and had her arrested then and there!

Plus, I think we know her preferred method is fire. Remember that scene where she and Chris are in the living room and she lights a match, stares at it for a worrying amount of time, and lights the fireplace. That shows that she has a sick love for fire! She’s a confirmed arsonist!

And she also loves manipulating her “family.” We saw her getting close to Allison, abusing the girl’s trust in her “cool aunt” so she can go behind Chris’ back and turn Allison into the next her. And while Chris is either stupid or willfully ignorant, we can see Kate using her brother’s sense of family, trust, and honor (whatever those are to a fucked up family like the Argents) to get him to house her and protect her during her stay in Beacon Hills. If it came down to it, she’d sacrifice her own family to serve her own purposes.

Next, this bitch is obviously a psychopath. Seriously, look up “psychopath” and you’ll see Kate’s picture. This woman LOVES to inflict pain on others! I think it goes beyond simple joy and enters sexual thrill. Example A: the scene where she and her little simps barge into the ruins of the Hale house looking for Derek and as he’s on the floor after being tased, she talks about how he “grew up in the right places” and how she “doesn’t know if she wants to kill it or lick.” Example B: when she had Derek tied up in his basement and she licked his abs while taunting him. Anyone wanna bet she was wet both instances?

While I’m not sure how Derek and Laura were able to escape the fate of their family, I think Kate may have allowed him to live because it’s part of her MO. She manipulates and uses teen werewolf boys so they spill their secrets, burns their families and homes, and leaves her victims alive so they run the risk of turning into Omegas, but so they forever have to live with the knowledge that they helped get their packs killed and probably hate themselves and are disgusted with their bodies and the thought of sex altogether. It adds another stone to the path of misery she’s paved and she loves it.

Of course, we all know that she NEVER followed the “code” the Argents claim to follow, but we can call her a hypocrite because of how she acted during her time a werejuguar (why Jeff Davis decided to bring her back, I will never know and will never forgive). She made it clear that she hated werewolves and anything not human, but when she was no longer human, she didn’t kill herself and decided to continue her murdering and personal mission to make Derek Hale’s life a living hell.

And of course, we never get to see if she was killed at the end of the show? We know Gerard died by her, but we never got the pleasure of seeing her disgusting corpse. Yet another thing to I will never forgive Jeff Davis for.

If I was able to decide her fate, I’d be stuck between 2 options: give her a taste of her own medicine and burn her to death, nailing her to a stake and burning her like the witch she is or use the old adage that revenge is a dish best served cold and freeze her to death; I’d tie her up like she did to Derek, strip her of all clothing, dowse her with water until her entire body was soaked, and then slowly spray her with liquid nitrogen, going up and down over and over until it seems she’s frozen solid.

Kate Argent deserves to suffer every agony and every violation and her avoiding a slow, painful, miserable death is nothing short of a tragedy.

Gerard Argent

Kate is a disgusting human being and deserves the number one spot on my list, but rest assured, Gerard is right behind her! I guarantee you he taught her everything she knows. Kate’s a monster, no doubt about that, but Gerard is the one who created that monster.

First of all, you can’t convince me Gerard didn’t help cover up Kate’s crimes. Sure, she knows how to murder innocent people, but all her brain power is reserved for seducing innocent werewolf boys and burning their packs, so she doesn’t have any left to cover up her crimes. I bet her strategy after killing is to leave town and you can only do that a few times before someone catches on and arrests you. We know that the insurance investigator who handled the Hale fire was bought off and we can assume that Gerard had his hand in it to make sure that Kate’s crimes got covered up. We know that Kate is arrogant and thinks herself untouchable, but if it wasn’t for daddy cleaning up after her, she would’ve eventually gotten caught.

Next, we can lay all of Kate’s crimes at Gerard’s feet. As stated above, he definitely helped with the cover up, but despite Chris claiming their family is a matriarchy (though I think that’s what they told him so he would shut the fuck up and follow orders), we can see that Gerard is the puppet master of the Argent Family. No doubt he was the one who targeted packs and sent Kate out to kill them. Gerard obviously runs a tight ship and I highly doubt an Argent minion is allowed to sneeze without his say so, let alone a member of his own family to go out and kill without permission.

Hypocrisy is another thing that makes me hate him. As stated before, the Argents are supposedly a matriarchy, but we obviously see him running the show. It’s never explained why this is, but I think it was the reason Gerard gave Chris so he could be left out of the loop whenever he and Kate discussed plans behind closed doors. Next case of hypocrisy is him wanting the Bite; he’s made his hatred for all things not human very clear and encouraged Victoria to kill herself after being bitten by Derek, but when he was dying from cancer, he was more than happy to throw all that away so he could prolong his disgusting life.

We can also see him being a master manipulator when he took advantage of Victoria’s suicide (that’s he’s solely responsible for) and turned Allison into the next Kate (even though I think it didn’t take much to push her over the edge). He doesn’t care about anyone but himself and he’s more than happy to put even the lives of his own family at risk if it serves his interests.

Then of course, there’s the scene in the forest where he slices that poor guy in half. He declares war like he’s on some holy crusade to avenge his “beloved daughter,” but that’s a load of shit. He talks his daughter-in-law to killing herself, holds his granddaughter hostage, and threatens his son, so we know he doesn’t give a shit about family. He views everyone around him as pawns in his schemes and the “loss” he felt for Kate wasn’t the loss a father feels for a child, but the type of loss you’d experience if something happened to a dependable tool of yours; I think it’s a safe bet to say Kate was his favorite because she was just like him and because she got results. She was his dagger in his boot, his ace in the hole and he no longer had his most reliable tool to command.

Lastly, there’s the scene in the basement where he has Boyd and Erica tied up and hooked to a generator and he beats the hell out of Stiles. We were cheated out of seeing Papa Stilinski going John Wick on the Argents, storming their house to castrate Chris, beat the mountain ash and cancer out of Gerard, and burying Allison under the station. I’m by no means a fighter, but I wish I’d been down in that basement with Stiles; all it takes is one strong kick to the nuts and this geriatric fucker’s on the ground with tears streaming down his face. After that, find the heaviest object nearby and bash his head in until it’s mush, problem solved.

I know Kate ends up killing him, which is a delicious twist of irony, but I hate that we never got to see his mangled corpse. I have no idea what was done with it, but whatever happened to it, I hope it was disrespectful as fuck. Like, grinding it up into mulch and using it to fertilize trees at a dog park or something.

If I had the power to decide his fate, I’d tie him up and hang him up like he did to Boyd and Erica before getting a metal bat and beating the shit out of him for hours without end. After he was beaten beyond recognition and clinging to life by a thread, I’d set up several hoses into his back and have acid pumped into his abdomen that would eat away at him from the inside out. I know the cancer was already doing that, but it was way too slow for my taste. It also comes with the benefit of him realizing there’s no escape and no one’s coming for him as his disgusting insides are being dissolved in real time and all his plans have come to a humiliating and gory end.

Chris Argent

Look, I hate Kate and Gerard with a burning passion, but the hate I feel for Chris reaches the point it makes my blood and insides boil. Like, when I think of torturing the Argents in their own basement, it’s Chris I imagine having the most fun hurting. With the others, it would be like doing a civil service, but Chris is the only one in his fucked up family I would take true pleasure in making bleed and savor the pain I inflict upon him.

I think it’s because this fucker was just given the status of “good guy” because the writers and plot said so. Like, did he ever apologize for his actions during the first two seasons? No. Did he ever apologize to Derek for the actions of his sister and father? No! Did he apologize to the sheriff for the attack on the station his fucked-in-the-head daughter led? NO! This fucker is never confronted on any of this! He’s just written to be an “ally” to the cast, it gets called a “redemption arc,” and we’re just expected to welcome him with open arms!

And I know that many people see him as a “DILF” and while I can acknowledge that others see JR Bourne’s attractiveness, his role as Chris Argent in the show has just ruined him for me. To me, Chris looks like a drowned rat that’s just begging you to put him out of his misery, has all the personality of wet cardboard, and has a voice that threatens to send me into a murderous rage.

He also has a smugness that I know this man does not deserve. Like, why the fuck do you have that smirk and swagger in your step and acting like you’re him when you’re a pathetic little whelp whose family has no respect for him! Think about it, Kate was clearly using him to shelter her while she was staying in Beacon Hills and showed disdain for his sense of “honor,” Gerard was just able to commandeer his home for his little war with no resistance, Allison let all the power and the thrill of hunting go to her head and just openly disrespect and disobey Chris, and I’ve seen very little evidence that he and Victoria were ever happily married.

I headcanon that Chris’ marriage to Victoria was an arranged marriage to join the Argents to Victoria’s family, who was also a big player in the hunter community, but not on the level of the Argents. It was most likely arranged by Gerard behind Chris’ back and that makes me laugh so much; imagine, this sad sack of shit is unable to get bitches on his own, so daddy has to arrange for him to marry one and his wife is just as likely to kill him as she is to kill werewolves.

I also headcanon that Chris never had much control or affection in his life growing up. Think about it, Gerard is the type of parent who manages every aspect of his children’s lives down to the friends they make and Kate was no doubt his favorite and all his time and energy went into raising her. Still, Chris was still his son and Gerard had to make sure the boy lived up to the Argent name (if only to save himself from embarrassment), but I’m pretty Chris showed early on he was nothing like his sister. Chris strikes me as they type who wanted to be an artist/musician/actor/etc when he was a child, something that would bring a smile to his face and would allow him to actually bring something into the world instead of taking it. Needless to say, Gerard stomped that dream out early on and the Chris we see in the show is what was left.

I think that’s why Chris eventually took up the mantle of a hunter. Not because he really thought he was doing any good in the world, but because while he was hunting down and shooting innocent werewolves, he felt some semblance of control in his sad, miserable life. I don’t feel bad for Chris, that man can go hug a land mine, but I feel bad for the boy he once was. Children are suppose to have fantasies about their future, it’s a milestone we all go through. Even if nothing ever comes from those dreams of ours, they give us hope for the future. And I have no doubt in my mind that Gerard took a sick kind of joy in crushing his son’s dreams. That boy is long gone by the time we see Chris in the show and I have nothing but contempt for that bastard.

Look, I don’t advocate for shaming men for things outside of their control, but for Chris, I’m more than happy to jump on the shame wagon and go to town on him. Like, I’d be going around Beacon Hills saying that he suffers from a microscopic penis and can’t satisfy his wife, so she has to get pleasure from the men he’s always seen around town with. I’d go even further to say those are his wife’s boyfriends and while they’re going to town on Victoria, he’s sitting in a chair in the corner of their bedroom, watching as his “wife” is making noises he’s never gotten her to make. I think the only time Chris and Victoria were ever “intimate” with one another was on their wedding night, and that was for the purpose of creating Allison rather than mutual carnal bliss. A part of me thinks Victoria only agreed to the marriage because she knew he was a spineless coward who would’ve done whatever she said, no matter what it was or how much to bothered him. I think it’s safe to say he didn’t fuck her, she fucked him. And with a strap-on to boot.

I’d like to continue on with this line of thinking and say Chris probably genuinely cares for Victoria and that’s what makes it hurt even worse. He probably grew up without his dad or sister caring about him and all his hunting “buddies” are only following him because of his last name. They probably have no respect for Chris, just fear that if they insult him, Gerard will see that as disrespect towards himself and act accordingly. He probably thought that he’d never have anyone to really care for and then out of the blue, he’s told he’s getting married. At first, he hates it because it’s not his choice (as per usual), but the more he thinks about it, he’s happy that he’ll have his own family to care for and call his own. That fantasy falls through he realizes he has no idea how to please a woman and she’s only sleeping with him because it’s expected that she provides an heir to the Argent clan; the whole event takes less than five minutes and she rolls over and that’s it. As time passes on, he finds out he’s less of a husband and more of a co-parent, the only one truly happy to see him is his little girl, but as she grows up, he sees the stars in her eyes when she sees him begin to fade and she starts distancing herself from him, leaving him feeling all alone in a house no one wants him in.

And don’t get me started on his appearances in S1! First time we see him is him shooting at Scott, a werewolf he had NO evidence had committed any wrongdoing, so we can add hypocrisy to his growing list of unlikable traits (although, the Code the Argents claimed to follow was total bullshit from the beginning, they just said that to make themselves sound holier-than-thou and legitimate). And then there’s the scene where he cornered Stiles at the hospital. If I was in Stiles’ shoes, I would’ve kicked that man in his nonexistent balls and snapped his neck for good measure.

Gerard probably considered Chris a failure and I agree with that, but not in the same way. He failed to be a good father by keeping his keeping Allison under control during her descent into madness, he failed to be a good husband by aiding Victoria kill herself after she got bit, and he failed to be a good man by keeping Gerard far away from his family and forbidding him from even entering Beacon Hills.

In addition to being a failure, I think he’s also a coward. Like, you can’t convince me he had no idea that his sister was batshit crazy. They grew up together with Gerard as a father, he had to know what that meant. Hell, I think we all knew Kate was a psycho long before we found out about her crimes and if Allison had no idea who Gerard was when they met at the funeral, I think that;s because Chris wanted that man to have no part in her life. I think the reason he did nothing was because he would be expected to actually do something for once in his miserable life and because that would’ve meant going against his family, he tried to justify it, claiming that werewolves are dangerous and they needed to be hunted. And because he knew his family was wealthy and had connections everywhere, he knew that they could skirt around the law and get away with it. Actually, nightlark100’s (Not) Helpless touches on this beautifully and I highly recommend you go check it out.

Like, he knew just how fucked up his family was and we know he was very hesitant to bring Allison into their world, probably because he wanted her to live the life he was never able to. If he really cared, he would’ve taken Allison and gone into hiding, running to some distant corner of the world where not even Gerard would’ve been able to find them. He would’ve had access to the Argent fortune and his own wealth since he was running the family’s gun manufacturing business, so he definitely would’ve had the money to set them up with fake IDs on the opposite side of the globe where they could’ve lived out their lives in peace and safety. But he didn’t, because that would’ve meant actually doing the right thing for once in his life and standing against his family and we all know he’s incapable of doing that. And look how that turned out.

Lastly, let’s not forget this is the dumb motherfucker that cured Gerard’s poisoning with the yellow wolfsbane. Everyone, let’s give this dumb son of a bitch a round of applause! It wasn’t enough that you helped your father escape after EVERYTHING he did is S2 (he threatened to kill your daughter and said he’d have no problem killing you if it got him what he wanted! Wtf is wrong with you?!), but you gave him the cure that would make him a threat again when he inevitably decides to betray you again and exact his revenge on you and everyone in Beacon Hills! Seriously, the Argents must be inbred as fuck because that’s the only excuse I can think of that would excuse this level of dumbassery!

After the events of S2, he and Allison left Beacon Hills to go to France for the summer so he could properly teach her what it means to be a hunter before coming back for school. It would’ve been better writing if they had left and never came back, giving up hunting and trying to live a peaceful life! Think about it, Beacon Hills was where they learned how fucked up their family is and where Victoria died. Does it make sense to not only come back to such a place that’s caused such trauma, but also take up an occupation that you clearly have no business being in?!

Fair warning, this last point is dark, even for me, so you may want to scroll down to Victoria if you don’t wish to see Chris get the Kate Argent treatment.

If it were up to me, I’d have Chris stripped, tied up, lying on his back, and his limbs spread wide. Then, I’d take a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire, drench it in oil or lube, and shove it right up his ass, going deeper and deeper until it was just the handle. Once it was that far, I’d rotate the bat like it was an oar on a boat, and once I had my fun, I’d either rip the bat out of him so he can bleed out or attach it to a generator and shock him from the inside out with enough volts he gets cooked to a crisp. I would bash his balls until they were mush and he was pissing blood, but I think Victoria got them as part of her wedding dowry.

Victoria Argent

Alright, guys, if Kate is a lesson about not putting your dick in crazy, Victoria is a lesson about not marrying crazy.

Seriously, look at this bitch! Anyone wanna take bets that in a past life, she was one of those animals that eats the head of its mate after breeding? If I didn’t hate Chris so fucking much, I’d tell him to sleep with one eye open and keep a weapon under his pillow! Then again, I’m convinced they sleep in separate beds that they keep together during the day to keep the illusion of being a happily married couple alive, but when it’s time to sleep, they pull the beds as far apart as they can and go to sleep without so much as a “good night.”

As stated before, I don’t believe that she married Chris voluntarily. Their marriage was done so her family could have ties to one of the biggest hunting families in the world and Victoria’s family probably only had her to marry off to the only available Argent. And since Chris is a pathetic little worm, I can bet she was not happy to be his wife. Like before, they probably only had sex on the night of their wedding and that was only to create an heir to the Argent clan. Once Allison was born, there was no need to have sex again. Didn’t bother her since she probably was getting pleasured by the countless Argent minions on the side, but Chris was left to his own devices.

In all the scenes we see her in, does any of them radiate anything that says “wife” or “motherly?” No, we don’t. Because she didn’t marry Chris for love, she did it out of obligation to her family so they could have ties to a powerful hunting family. And she didn’t birth Allison out of an urge to be a mother, she did it as part of a bargain to provide an heir to the Argents (and probably to have someone to make as fucked up and miserable as her). Remember that scene where she just invalidates Allison’s feelings about going to her school dance and how she’ll be “way more” than all her classmates that go. I think she says that because no one ever asked her to a dance because anyone with eyes can see she’s batshit crazy.

And we know she used her position as a member of BHHS’s faculty as a means to spy on teens which she only got thanks to Gerard being principal (and we can all assume that the Argents did away with the previous principal, so another example of the Argents’ “code” being bullshit), but does anyone wanna bet that she’s the type of lady to butt her way into every important social group in her area before slithering up to the top? Like, as soon as they moved to Beacon Hills, she was probably joining the PTA, the town council, and other important social groups in Beacon Hills. Not just to help in their hunting activities, but also so she can lord over those beneath her and be the top bitch in town. Hell, if her neighborhood had an HOA, she definitely would’ve become the HOA president. Doesn’t she look like a stereotypical HOA president?

Then let’s not forget the part where she tried to kill Scott, a sixteen-year-old werewolf whose only crime was dating her daughter! Of course, I blame Scott and Allison for sneaking around everyone’s backs and continuing dating when they knew just how dangerous the situation was, but instead of confronting her daughter and telling her that she knows and to stay away from Scott, she just goes straight to running him over with a car and trying to kill him via a wolfsbane aerosol. Yeah, real pillar of sanity over here, people. I’d say she got what she deserved, but let’s be honest, she deserved a much gruesome fate than dying by her and Chris driving a knife through her heart.

Finally, there’s her suicide, which I have two things to say about. One: this is definitive proof that she was never a wife to Chris and a mother to Allison. “Code” be damned, if you love your husband and daughter, you’ll go through hell itself to stay with them. But she proved that she could never love Chris and Allison more than she hated werewolves and would rather die than even try to adapt to her situation so she could be with her family. Two: it was bad enough that she killed herself after attempting to kill her daughter’s boyfriend, but doing it in her bedroom? Like, it’s not enough that you’re leaving your daughter without a mother, which is already traumatic enough, but you doing that just says to me that this is less about following your “Code” and more so you trying to fuck your daughter up so badly that she just snaps and goes on a killing spree. Maybe that’s what she wanted, for Allison to be the next Kate.

As for her fate if it were in my hands? Well, she’s a witch, so she should be treated as such. Nail her to a stake, dowse her in gas, and set her on fire.

Allison Argent

Like her father, Allison never really has to face any accountability when she goes through her “redemption arc” and I think that’s because she’s Scott’s crush. Like, Scott is such a “good person” and if he likes her, then she must be good. Yeah, sorry, Jeff, not buying that for a minute. This bitch thought she was grown up enough to lead an attack on a sheriff’s station and hunt down two of her classmates, so she should be grown up enough to handle grown up consequences, but she gets to get away with it and we’re just suppose to accept it? Fuck no!

While most of her crimes were done in S2, it’s worth noting that in S1, she knew about Kate having Derek tied down in the basement and she obviously was upset about it and wanted to do something about it and when she got pulled over by the Sheriff after leaving the Hale house, she could’ve said something to him, but she didn’t. She also could’ve said something to her dad (although I doubt he would’ve done shit). While she had nothing to do with Derek’s imprisonment, she also did nothing to help him, which I would think would warrant the death penalty, but whatever.

Then we get to S2 and we see proof that psychopathy is definitely hereditary and it runs deep in the Argent gene pool. Like, after learning of Victoria’s death, does she go to Derek or any of the others to find out why her mom was bitten? No, she doesn’t. Instead, she goes right off the deep end and starts acting like she’s Katnis or some shit and starts shooting arrows at people for no reason. Like, it didn’t take much to get her to accept her family’s bloody legacy and take her place in it.

I know Gerard had his hand in her decent into madness, but that kinda works against her. The man obviously wasn’t a big part of her life and when he was living with her in S2, she knew the man was up to no good and had an obvious bias against all things non-human, but she allows herself to be fooled by him instead of going to her friends so she could find out the truth herself. She’s easily manipulated, which makes her an unreliable person you definitely don’t want in your life.

Then there’s her attack on the sheriff’s department. You knew that there were officers there working and you still decided to attack, not caring you were killing innocent humans with friends, families, loved ones. This is just more proof that the “Code” is bullshit and the Argents are more than happy to break it when it’s inconvenient for them.

Then we have the scene where she hunted down Boyd and Erica, shooting them with arrows and before she could become a murderer, Chris intervenes (probably the only useful thing he’s ever done in life). Of course, she was more than happy to drag them down to the basement where her grandfather tortured them. And you can’t convince me that she had no idea about Stiles being kidnapped. Hell, it may have been her idea the way she spiraled in that season.

Also, I’d like to point out that she let the power Gerard gave her go to her head and start blatantly disrespecting Chris. Look, I know Chris is super easy to disrespect and if I ever saw him in real life, I’d go out of my way to spit on him before kicking him in his nonexistent balls, but this bitch is still super new to the supernatural world and she’s acting like she’s been doing this for years. I’m betting Victoria was the one who had to punish her because all Allison had to do was quiver her lip a little, bat her eyes, say she was sorry, and Chris would crumble like a house of cards during a tornado.

Then there’s the scene where she stabbed Issac with her ring daggers and when she was “apologizing” for it, she was doing it while she was flirting with him. Like, this bitch needs to be beat within an inch of her goddamn life with a belt because she’s clearly never faced consequences a day in her life.