~~ Hate you ~~
Relationships - Argall/Thaedus
Rating - Teen and up
Premise - exploration of Argall's feelings while Thaedus killed him
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~. .~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Argal shouldâve not been surprised.
He should have always expected this, he shouldnât have lost his composure, he shouldnât have thought something wouldâve changed.
He feels stupid for even thinking that, he feels weak for almost running to the throne room simply because Thadeus asked for a private meeting and he feels betrayed by his stupid emotions more than from the blade piercing through his skull.
This was completely on him, it was an obvious trap to which Argal willingly stepped signed into, despite knowing full well Thaedus was beyond ever coming back to him, he was beyond ever forgiving Argal and accepting him back.
He is weak for hoping that. He is weak for letting Thaedus toy with his past affection like that. He feels fury wash over his head with every droplet of blood pouring down his open brain right onto the pure white stone of the throne hallâs floor, but he canât simply stand up and beat Thaedus despite still having a chance of survival if he does -
Thaedus was holding him the whole time he was slowly dying. He never held him like this again after what felt like decades of quiet infighting and arguments behind closed metal doors.
Argal was once again weak for wanting to feel Thaedusâs chest close to his head, he was weak for feeling a burning sensation at the contact to his skin of the hands hugging him, he was weak for looking straight into the beautiful light browns and genuinely hoping he wasnât hallucinating something akin to the quiet love they once shared.
This whole situation could have not happened if he had simply contained himself as usual, if he simply didnât sprint to the throne room like a hormonal teenager in search of the kiss he was promised.
His moans of agony and pain were echoing like thunder in the silent big room, there was only Thaedus and himself in the whole wide palace in this point of time and Argal let this happen for the mere possibility Thaedus would simply apologize for embarrassing him for far too long to be considered tolerance.
Argal was still holding onto him, still accepting the comfort he was giving him and still could not look away from those betraying light browns like it was the last thing he hoped to see in the living world. It felt like agony he felt weak and childish andâŚ
Gosh, so many things couldâve prevented this. Not even him himself cutting these cancerous feelings by simply killing Thaedus when he separated from him. Not even Argal listening to his motherâs words and killing Thaedus, or if heâd directly order Thragg to take him out.
Argal couldâve talked with him.
Argal couldâve proven why his inferior feelings towards the other creatures were weak and stupid.
Argal couldâve saved Thaedus from doing something this horrible to the only person in this whole wide Empire willing to turn a blind eye to his stupid antics.
Gosh, Argal wants to feel one last kiss so horribly. He wants to feel young again, he wants to drag Thaedus to a silent corner, whisper horrible disgusting things to him, promise him so many things he simply was never capable of fulfilling and just indulge in this sinful and wrong actions, waste every bit of his energy onto Thaedus simply because there was no one else willing to keep up with his bullshitery.
Argal was the mouth to his and Thaedusâs worldviews. Thaedus was a silent shadow of his, keeping him company, staying at his side, breathing in the same space, fighting battles for him, willing to die for him, willing to stay silent for him.
To think there was a time when his mother would suspect them, to think there was a time when they wouldnât leave each otherâs side, to think Argal deserved to hear his ideas, speak with him about his own ideas and then just fuck the shit out of him, to think all of that just being flushed down the toilet simply because of a one unfortunate solar system operation mission, the simple thought only made Argal angry.
Angry enough to clench his fingers so hard at his chest to leave marks and draw blood. Try and hit his head and immediately get grabbed by his.
Thaedus was always a coward.
Argal had the unfortune of knowing that firsthand. He cowarded from Argal, he cowarded direct confrontation, he cowarded from his violence, he indulged in viewing Argal through the rose tinted glasses of âbeing the voice of reasonâ, forcefully removing an undeniable part of Argal just to fulfill his desire of a better future for the Empire.
Argal sometimes wonders if Thaedus loved him, or he only loved the fact he was the face of the Empire the second that old hag died.
The separation happening the second Argal had to put his fist to the table and them acting like theyâve never even met each other before that point.
The last council gathering probably being the boiling point of Thaedus trying to avoid confrontation, to force his ways, fully expecting Argal to indulge in his stupid ideas. And Argal spitefully killing millions for the sake of showing how little he cares now.
How little their life-long bond meant to him. How little he cares for Thaedusâs opinions now, in sharp contrast to him letting Thaedus take a lead whenever he thought to fit.
If Thaedus wasnât the one speaking his mind, Argal wouldâve agreed to not kill millions.
Thaedus knew that and he acted the only way he knew how to - seduce him and put a lovingly kissed blade through his back while actively whispering how much he loved Argal.
Argal shows his teeth. Heâs coughing brain juice and blood plasma and he hopes some of it falls right into Thaedusâs eyes so at least he can pretend he cried while killing him.
The betrayal is so bitter and the brain juice tastes like Thaedusâs mouth. Sweet, sour, the softness of his lips that seemingly never disappeared even after years of Argal biting harshly into them.
Heâs hallucinating Thaedus kissing him, doesnât he?
Well.
At least the hormonal lonely teenager got the kiss he was promised.
Argal fucking hates Thaedus.
