#archivist.

HE THINKS OF PRENTISS       —       she of the corruption,      of the filth,      she of the rotting worms and the skin crawling,      and jon is sure he has seen decay walking            :            the very concept of it,      its essence in holes and squirming things and infection.      prentiss had nearly killed them all.      (   THE CRAWLING ROT,      THE HIVE.   )      they’d said prentiss had died in the aftermath of it all,      archives doused in carbon dioxide,      but jon still startles at the sight of silvery insects.      if anything could be described as such,      it would be jane prentiss.

IF THIS IS A STATEMENT,      IT IS HIS OWN      :      a rare near - trembling anger sparking to life,     fists curled heavy at jon’s sides.      difficult to forgive.      if that was the whole of it,     this would be simpler.      in the past several years,     jon’s workplace has chained him to it with a supernatural power,     claimed him as the human entity embodying that power      (   though human does not quite apply anymore,      does it,      jon?   ),      has claimed the lives of multiple people he cared about            —            and for what?      a war too large to comprehend with a feeble,      probably - still - mortal mind?

some part of him had thought elias,      all - seeing eye of the beholder’s force,      being imprisoned and away from the archives would free the rest of them.      that part was naive.

he has just said all of this,      give - or - take the more intense elements,      aloud to elliot.      jon is not the one who can be compelled to speak truth,      but it turns out a desperation to say something,      anything,      can work just the same            :            jon,      restless to return to the archives but fighting against the pull,      frustrated that there is something to fight against in the first place,      has spilled the truth of it all out into the air.            —            there'll always be a few things you’re going to find difficult to forgive.

perhaps he hasn’t explained it,      really.      perhaps he’s just said some cryptic bullshit      (   as tim would have put it   )      about his anger,      about being tied to something he is not sure he ever agreed to be tied to,      about how much has gone wrong.      jon is prone to that.      it’s as if he can perceive others with perfect,      20 / 20 clarity,      but speaking about himself his brain swerves ‘round impossible corners and comes out all      . . .      jumbled.