#arcade spirits zapper

Gavin: The human equivalent of yogurt, good but a little boring. And nutritional.

Naomi: You definitely married Maru when playing Stardew Valley.

Ash: Went in for the cosplay nerd, stayed for the gender crisis.

Teo: You're the most introverted of introverts and never leave the house, you need someone with his energy.

QueenBee: You need someone with you when you go out to eat so they can tell the waiter you ordered mashed potatoes.

Percy: You want a daddy, but not the sexy kind, the kind that wiggles his fingers in front of a buffet and says "Don't mind if I do!"

Juniper: You are a whore for the friends-to-lovers trope

Rival/Hunter: You are a whore for the friends-to-enemies-to-lovers trope

Grace: You just want good things for Iris.

Jynx: Despite her glaring flaws, you truly believe that a big tiddy goth girl can do no wrong.

Grace AND Jynx: You couldn't decide between the cute softgirl and the big tiddy goth girl, so you decided, "¿Por qúe no los dos?"

Locksley: You are me. Or you read too many romance novels.

Zapper: This is the same joke as QueenBee but you also want a chubby girl to sit on your face.

Domino: Mentally ill and gay (applies to every option but especially here). Also you watch ProZD.

Rhapsody: You want to get bridal-carried into the sunset by a chill enby who will make you breakfast every morning after the best sex of your life.