#aranea-plays

Your sense of timing. Impecca8le. 

youre another one of those trolls arent you

whats up im david strider movie maker extraordinaire

Lay on the floor

Try not to cry

Cry

???

Profit

No but honestly, crushes are perfectly fine! I mean they hurt yes and that is why they are called crushes but...

For letting me hangout, steal your food, and telling me stories, here's one of mine.

And I saw when the Lam8 opened one of the seals, and I heard, as it were the noise of thunder, one of the four 8easts saying, "Come and see". And I saw, and 8ehold a white horse: and he that sat on him had a 8ow; and a crown was given unto him: and he went forth conquering, and to conquer. And when he had opened the second seal, I heard the second 8east say, "Come and see". And there went out another horse that was red: and power was given to him that sat thereon to take peace from the earth, and that they should kill one another: and there was given unto him a great sword. And when he had opened the third seal, I heard the third 8east say, "Come and see". And I 8eheld, and lo a 8lack horse; and he that sat on him had a pair of 8alances in his hand. And I heard a voice in the midst of the four 8easts say, "A measure of wheat for a penny, and three measures of 8arley for a penny; and see thou hurt not the oil and the wine". And when he had opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth 8east say, "Come and see". And I looked, and 8ehold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him.

Holy shit the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are 8adass. There's only four fucking dudes 8ut according to some Christian scholar-types they're so wicked hardcore that they can wipe out all sentient life on the planet. That's pretty damn impressive. 8asically the story goes that whenever God gets sick of our 8ullshit he ccalls on these motherfuckers and each one of them manages to kill one-fourth of the world's population. So even when the 8iggest, strongest, most 8adass people to ever live join forces into a huge Voltron-like mega-8adass, they don't even stand a chance against the horsemen. Then once everyone's dead, the horsemen each pick up a corner of the universe and smash it together, 8linking everything out of existence. Which rules. Here's a little 8ackground on the various horsemen, and a little commentary on why they're awesome:

Conquest: The first horseman has 8een interpreted to mean "Conquest" or "The Antichrist". Either way, you'd pro8a8ly have to 8e out of your mind to fuck with him. I mean Antichrist 8y definition pretty much means "the meanest motherfucker ever", so this guy's pro8a8ly a total crotch-kicking face-smashing douche8ag. He rides a white horse, wears a ridiculous crown along with his even more ridiculous facial hair and shoots people in the face with a 8ow and arrow just to 8e a dick. So you'll just 8e walking along minding your own 8usiness trying to gra8 an Extra Value Meal at McDonald's when all of a sudden some fucking dude rides up out of nowhere on a horse and puts an arrow in your eye. That would suck ass. I'll 8et he's a pretty hardcore shot with it though. He'd have to 8e if he was going to conquer a quarter of the world using a weapon that's 8een o8solete for a8out two centuries. Like "shoot an arrow into the cockpit of a stealth fighter flying at top speed and kill the pilot" good. And you can't fuck with that.

??: Ah, war. It's 8een around for centuries and despite our 8est efforts there are still some people that haven't 8een killed 8y it. Well, that will change when the horseman of War comes along. He's the 8iggest, most totally ripped 8ar8arian to ever exist and he has a ten foot long sword which he uses to decapitate fools. I mean, look at the picture. He's so freaking jacked that he flexed once and his shirt and pants completely ripped into shreds and flew off his 8ody. 8ut he doesn't even give a shit. He's not going to let something like 8eing pantsless stop him from killing anything with a pulse with his Sword of Justice. Nothing in the universe can defeat him in single com8at, and on top of his a8ility to slaughter millions of people with a 8ig honking sword, he can also cause people to flip out ninja-style and kill each other for no reason at all.

Famine is pro8a8ly the 8iggest cock of them all. He doesn't waste 8ozos 8y impaling them on sharp o8jects, 8ut rather opts for the more "hands-off" approach. He just jacks up the prices of food, causes droughts and/or eats all the food that he can find. He's like a ten-time World Eating Champ, and he manages to kill people simply 8y either scarfing down every Moon Pie and Ho-Ho in a twenty mile radius or 8ecoming a corporate asshole 8ig-wig and getting rid of the Dollar Menu at Wendy's so college students around the world perish from starvation. He's like Arn Anderson in the sense that he's the craftiest and most dia8olical of the Four Horsemen.

Every time I hear Johnny Cash read that line a8out Death riding forth and 8ringing Hell with him at the end of "When the Man Comes Around", I get a chill down my spine. Death is without a dou8t the most 8adass of the Horsemen. He doesn't even have a weapon or a method of killing, all he does is show up and the shit hits the fan 8ig time. Who 8esides 8ill S. Preston, Esquire and Ted Theodore Logan can stand up to the physical em8odiment of death in a fight? No8ody, that's who. Death rides around on his pale green horse (The original Greek indicates the color of Death's horse as 8eing the sickly sort of pale green that people turn when they're dying or recently dead. Since "green horse" doesn't sound all that 8adass, the English translation is "pale horse") and everything that he comes in contact with dies. It doesn't get more 8adass than that.

Yes you do! I also want to get all of the money 8ack that I spent explaining things to people.

You.

Paid other people just to explain things to them?

No8ody appreci8ts a good storyteller nowadays, I swear.