I Know, Right? Whodathunk! || Pewdielew
It was happening again. And she was getting used to it. Shawna was sitting in the Gamma office, which looked like an extension of his room. She was tacking away at her laptop and doing spreadsheets and calculations. She originally volunteered her VP services to the Gamma house to help the school's budget and to do some research for her degree in project management.
"You guys bring in a lot of money. This is like the 3rd time this year you guys went over on community service hours and the 2nd with the budget," she whined, turning to the Swede.
"And what's the problem with that?" He asked indignant focusing on her.
"Ah, I dunno. How about when you gotta ask Theta for their extra money?"
"What do you even need the extra money for? Art supplies for your showcases?"
"No! We treat our whole house every year to a..um... ski-skiing trip," Shawna could explain that to officials, parents, hell- even her own family just fine. Right now, she struggled, something caught in her throat. A noise.
"A skiing trip?"
"It inspires us and we can- uhh..relax.." she trailed off.
"He told me he called you Ana since you first met, but the meaning changed after your first ski trip as vice president," Felix began, "He said it reminded him better of Anastasia Steel from Fifty Shades of Gray-"
"*gasps* He TOLD you that! He said he'd never tell anyone!"
"I'm not just anyone, Ana-" Felix couldn't finish before he had a pen flung in his direction.
"Look you two may be together and the Presidents of the houses, but..but.." Shawna began, getting frustrated and then looking at Felix, who seemed to be entertained by the fire he had lit inside of her.
"But...that's exactly what et means," Felix interjected, smirking devilishly, "I too get to go on those trips. And I get to give you a name. Cheer up, Ana. I'm very kind...at first. I really appreciate your hard work here but from what PJ told me you were fond of him. It just seemed interesting to me so I asked him why you two are like that and he told me to ask you if I felt so inclined. Why don't you take a break and talk about it?"
Shawna's shoulders dropped and so did her jaw. He was actually doing this, but she honestly felt better about him respecting her. She straightened herself and scratched the back of her hand, rolling down her sleeves and then took a deep breath.
I was sixteen.
Shawna had really liked Andrew and it was so out of nowhere. She and him had met over a book at their local library and simply agreed to read it together. From there, they had gotten to talking and a full year later he had asked her the question in front of her whole class.
She had never had so much kindness and romance showed to her before. He was even sympathetic to the times where she wouldn't speak, but back then she would just play it off like she had a throat infection. The infrequency of them made it seem like it, so she never brought it up. After about a year it would get old for Andrew and asked her parents what was wrong. Once he found out, he still couldn't wrap his head around her lying to him, but he put up with it.
Then, things got worse around seventeen.
Their playful antics were now full blown fights about her inability to fit in and how she didn't have any other friends. It wasn't true. She had friends. They were just online across the country. He claimed that didn't count. Her being pressured to have sex with him to the point that even his family turned a blind eye when she walked through the door to stay with him. He would force her to spend time at his house for weeks. He would simply tell them that she was fine and you know how young lovers are. Planned trips to places far as to stay off suspicion. Shawna knew he meant well. Shawna knew he loved her. Shawna knew it was going to be okay. She held her tongue and endured through another year and a half of being controlled, silenced, and pushed around.
If she was too sad, he'd leave her and ignore her knowing that he's all she's got. He became the cause of her silence, the lump in her throat staying for days. She lost her firsts to him- even her virginity. The night it happened was going fairly well as their "ok" days go until he started the fight about sex. She hadn't really been interested and he put their whole relationship on the line for it. Then-
She couldn't talk for weeks after that and took multiple showers a day just to think she could rinse off the memory. It just kept happening. Shawna put up with it. As long as it made them happy. They weren't fighting anymore, so maybe she was taking a little time to get over it. She never saw someone and would lie consistently to her friends(what little she had left that Andrew liked and trusted) and family; she would just try to talk to Andrew and he'd tell her how she felt or was supposed to feel. And if it fit and it came from someone she trusted, then it was okay, right?
Next thing she knew, they had been relying on one another, but only sexually. They would only work well and love one another when Andrew was in charge and Shawna was being the good girl she was supposed to be. This escape took over her whole life. Now those fun nights to spice things up were all they did, all that they talked about, all they wanted to do with one another. He would satisfy his sickest fantasies through her.
During one of their talks, because calm talks were hard to come by, Andrew explained everything about his childhood friend. She had known exactly who he was talking about and she had met her a few times. Then he said the most shattering thing to Shawna to date:
Look, I know we've been together for this long and I do love you...It's just, I grew up with Meghan and I just wanted to keep her close and made sure she knew that I cared. I had to make her believe I can be everything she wants me to be. And it worked! She really likes me for who I am. And she grew into herself so beautifully. Even more beautiful than you. So I just...wanted you to know that no matter what we go through. She's my end game. She's who I do all of this for. And with that being said, you will never be her. And you will never take her place. It's not like you can-anyway..
With such upset and frustration, Shawna understood and nodded carefully, tears streaming down her face and running her mascara. She really did know, but did he have to say it like that? Did he have to say it so far in?
Karma had a funny way of doing things. Even though Shawna had been not eating, not sleeping or never getting out of bed, and not going to school, she had taken to just being in her room. Finding comfort in the videos she made in secret to make herself feel better. For just a few hours, she forgot about Andrew. She forgot about Meghan. She forgot about all the things she endured. All the things she came to know, just to saturate herself in her imagination. And it was while she was editing one of her videos that Shawna had gotten a call from Andrew's mother. She had explained how Andrew was at the hospital and was being admitted for mental health issues.
She never thought there was anything left in her to care for this..monster, but there she was driving to the hospital. But slowly. She didn't feel like driving like a maniac, especially since he's already been admitted. More importantly, she was angry with the reason why he had gotten admitted: Meghan had gotten into an accident with a drunk driver and was reportedly DOA. He had left his friend's house immediately to the scene of the accident and said nothing to Shawna. He claimed to be the girl's fiance so they would allow him to ride in the ambulance. Once they had made the call that she had died in the ambulance, Andrew had lost his mind and began threatening to jump out of the moving vehicle to join her if they didn't try harder to keep her alive. After the EMTs continued to explain that she was DNR upon her request as an organ donor, he was calm but he still contemplated suicide. He got out the ambulance and was immediately taken to get admitted and a psychological evaluation.
It had really dawned on her that there was no real reason for her to go and check up on him, but she was trying to be hopeful.
"So what happened after that?" Felix asked, stunned in silence previously at how things went in a totally different direction, but he wasn't surprised. If she was here. The story was going to be intense.
"He ignored me and basically wondered why I had even come because I wasn't his girl, and it was off and on with abuse and ostracization until I came here. At first, he was healing and was still kinda sorta sweet but just wouldn't give me any energy whatsoever. No more being possessive or manipulative towards me to get me to do what he asked until he became my bully for the rest of our junior year together. I had to repeat my junior year because I didn't come to school or do my assignments. Same thing the first like 6 months of the Institute, but then I had met PJ and he made it feel like it was undoing everything he had done and it was working backwards," Shawna explained, "So when I told him I wanted to be his vice he said that I had to continue taking my medications, start going to therapy again and ask for help when need be and quit whatever craziness I was doing with Mitchell-"
"Who the fuck is Mitchell?" he cut her off.
Her face sank as she felt like those wounds were still new, but took a deep breath, "He went to either here or the Institute and him and I really weren't a thing but drugs were more his thing because he believed he didn't need to take his meds to get better, so one day I was blasted out of my mind because they were still figuring out my behavioural medications and like a dumbass I thought he'd stop me from taking his medications because I threatened to do it if he wouldn't take them...Yeah...PJ kinda stepped in at that point and got me all cleaned up and on a routine and someone to talk to."
"PJ..PJ made sure you got better. Wow..that...that's amazing because it really seemed like you were just very screwed in the head, but now I get it...And I'm sorry...So..what's going to happen at this year's ski trip?" Felix asked.
"Well, that's the funny part, he's very hardworking all year, so PJ said I get one day all day to do whatever I want with him. And after that it's just work and hang when we can," Shawna explained, "He explained that he had a soft spot but he's not ready to fully commit or even be with anyone right now, so it works in the meantime. And he taught me how to have healthy relationships by doing that, but he also turned me into a workaholic."
"Clearly," he chuckled, shifting and biting his lip then checking his phone, "He's a really alright guy, huh?"
"Yeah. I love him, but not like-love, but family love or something, but it's not incest?" she rambled. It made Felix laugh at her train of thought. Her cheeks started to turn pink and she covered her mouth, then cleared her throat as she addressed the Swede while checking her phone briefly, "Uhmm..ahem..Can I get this done? I think you have-wait- you're late to a meeting with PJ."
"Whahuh?" the other asked, not sure how he had gotten lost, but it was sinking in what PJ saw in her, and why he did what he did, "Uhm...Shawna?"
"Yeah?"
"How well can you multitask?"
"Pretty well. My record is six things..why?"
"Can you..come to take meeting notes for us? The school's cracking down and wants to make sure the meetings are getting things done for the houses...and this paperwork needs to get done while Cry's on vacation."
"Sure."
