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Sometimes
We exude apprehension when attempting to do something we're interested in from fear of appearing "corny". Whatever person or people make those comments are 0% part of your daily activities and shouldn't be given a thought, nor the time of day. Have fun and enjoy yourself without a care if you can because you don't want to look back and think you were too contingent on the opinions of unimportant people.
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Apprehensiveness
I'm afraid to fall No one ever helped me up Are you different?
apprehensiveness
rang bzhin brgyad cu'i rtog pa - Eighty inherent thought states. 33 resulting from anger, 40 from desire and 7 from delusion. First, the thirty-three thought states resulting from anger, according to the Spyod bsdus composed by Aryadeva, are: detachment, medium detachment, intense detachment, inner mental going, and coming, sadness, medium sadness, intense sadness, quietude, conceptualization, fear, medium fear, intense fear, craving, medium craving, intense craving, grasping, nonvirtue, hunger, thirst, sensation, medium sensation, intense sensation, cognizing, cognizance, perception-basis, discrimination, conscience, compassion, love, medium love, intense love, apprehensiveness, attraction, and jealousy. Secondly, the forty thought states of desire according to the spyod bsdus are: attachment, lack of clarity, thorough lust, delight, medium delight, intense delight, rejoicing, strong joy, amazement, laughter, satisfaction, embracing, kissing, clasping, supporting, exert! ion, pride, engagement, helpfulness, strength, joy, joining in bliss, medium joining in bliss, intense joining in bliss, gracefulness, strong flirtation, hostility, virtue, lucidity, truth, nontruth, ascertainment, grasping, generosity, encouragement, bravery, shamelessness, perkiness, viciousness, unruliness, and strong deceitfulness. The seven thought states of delusion are, again according to the spyod bsdus: medium desire, forgetfulness, confusion, speechlessness, weariness, laziness, and doubt [RY]
Word of the Day ~ Timorous
Timorous is someone full of apprehensiveness; a timid person.
Si and its anathema: new experiences
I've been thinking about Si and apprehensiveness in the last couple of days. I've noticed that before an unknown situation I will not trust assumptions because the situation feels important and too real to work with those, so I have nothing with which to support mental processing. I don't feel anything because I have nothing to give me feelings.
The one feeling I do get is sick-to-my-stomach apprehensiveness (which is getting worse). I feel a sort of slight paralysis and weightlessness, as though I'm going into a potentially challenging situation completely unprepared. As such, I will spend a lot of time observing and building up a context for myself to work within. Context is always the first thing I turn to when researching. It's a mentally spacial thing. I want to know where to put things in my mind in relation to other related things. I don't like things just being somewhere random with no categorisation.
When one of these situations involves meeting someone, I will often get a sudden burst of mental processing in which I consider literally five or six streams of things I need to say at once. I'll feel even more distanced from the world and my sensory inputs go fuzzy because Ti-Ne goes into absolute overdrive with trying to catch up. This isn't something I can observe and interact with later. This is happening right this moment and it matters to me. Often I will talk quickly (and probably incomprehensibly), trying to summarise everything that's happening in my head. I will also try to summarise how I will potentially interact with them in the coming moments. In a perfect world, they'd summarise too, but they don't. I need a basis to work with. It's a very good analogy to say that it's like the difference between doing something on the ground and doing something in the vacuum of space, a few metres from something. You can see what you're supposed to interact with, and you can probably imagine several different ways of doing so, but because you can't actually interact with it in a tangible way you can't figure out which of those imagined scenarios are more probable or more possible.
Coming back from all this mental overdrive can take a few minutes and involve me being light-headed and probably playing up my crazy side because that's the persona I have that is easiest to do when in that state of utter mental confusion. Imagine a train full of very late commuters. It pulls up to the station sedately, and then they all burst out all over the place and take a while to sort themselves out. It's like that. Imagine having to get all those under control without being able to use something to get everyone's attention.
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