#applecrumbledore

This is a good and fun question!

So... I'm kind of an intense nerd who has people pleasing syndrome as well as fun traits like issues with choice paralysis, so picking one of my many many many ideas is very difficult, so in order to keep track of things I am interested for me, I have a document that is called "iddy ideas" which are essentially concepts that speak directly to my id. I'm gonna use the headers as way to answer this because otherwise I will forget something and it'll bug me, so things that live in my psyche re: Winchesters are:

→ DEAN & GENDER: I have a few asks in drafts that need answering about this topic, so I will keep this sort of brief—I am really into how Dean and his relationship to gender, and how the roles he plays in life force him into one box or another. I tend to headcanon him on the nonbinary/genderfluid spectrum, even if he’d never personally identify as either. I love exploring how he often uses toxic masculinity as a shield and how he uses it to cover up the more vulnerable aspects of his desires and identity. As for the Sam/Dean angle, I really love Sam figuring it out and using lingerie kink and feminization kink as a way for Dean to explore in a way that doesn’t completely freak him out. There’s a long fic in my head that I’ve been too nervous to write about this.

→ OMEGAVERSE & PREGNANCY: I have come up with so many ways to get Dean pregnant because I think about this topic so often. I won’t bore you with the list. I am unfortunately a sucker for pregnancy and kid fics as a trope. I don’t often read them because I prefer realism in the sense that the kid has to feel like an actual kid to me and not a symbol of happiness and completeness. For Sam/Dean, I enjoy the fucked up aspects of having a kid with your brother and how they would be so into that because it’s combining themselves into another living being, that they made together, ultimate symbol of their intense incestuous love. I also think Dean very much wants kids, but didn’t think he could have them with Sam, while I think Sam would really only want to have kids with Dean. I have many AUs where it is also the worst possible time for this to happen because I live for the melodrama. I also like post-pregnancy and seeing the kids grow up to be fucked up in their own special and unique ways.

→ DOMESTICITY & DISABILITY: I am simple and sometimes I want to force Sam and Dean to retire and live in a little cabin or cottage in the woods somewhere so they can grow old. Often, I think for the only way that makes sense for them to do so is if one or both were physically incapable of hunting anymore. I love them being forced to slow down and take care of one another. Given their lives, permenent injury is pretty likely and I love exploring the ways in which they'd have to grow and adjust to their new realities. Also, I kind of just want certain ideas presented in canon explored? Like Sam's issues with his sense of reality and hallucinations, or both of them having chronic pain. Plus, there should be more finale AUs where Dean lives, but he has mobility issues now.

→ WINCHESTERS & RAPE RECOVERY: Both Sam and Dean are rape survivors who repeatedly are sexually assaulted throughout the narrative, but they both react so differently to similar traumas and I would like to have this explored since the show wouldn't. Hell trauma also goes under this umbrella. I am fascinated by the ways in which Sam and Dean are mirrors and foils, and would like to explore the interiority of that. I’m also very into concepts and ideas that explore how their respective trauma informs some of their kinks i.e. I think post-s7 Sam especially wants more pain kink and D/s where he submits to get out of his own head and Dean struggling with the dom role due to his trauma from hell where he was put into the position of torturer and rapist, and them having to figure out to make that work without sending Dean into a tailspin.

→ CONSENT ISSUES: I love fuck or die, sex pollen, curses, and all related tropes. I also like "dark" versions of Sam or Dean (Demon!Dean, Soulless!Sam, Shapeshifters, Leviathans, etc.) menacing and putting the other in situations. I will never tire of this.

→ BOY KING SAM & MAGIC: Sam should be able to always have his powers as a treat. He should be able to be a little evil as a treat. Sam should get to go full on witchy as a treat. I love the demon blood arc, I love psychic wonder Sam, I love Sam who puts hex bags in witches mouthes and tells them he learned from the best. I am from the ancient times and watched the season three finale live, so my formative years were shaped by so many Sam becomes The Boy King and rescues Dean from hell fix it fics and AUs, and so it's always a favorite. I am currently writing one that is very slow going, but as a general vibe check I am calling it Sam's Moving Castle and "suiteverse but nice".

AWWW YESSSS, DO I EVER

okay so of course i could take the easy route and point to any scene in the first 3-4 seasons, because i have at least one moment in every episode from that era. HOWEVER. there is one that i believe trumps them all, and that moment is [pause for drumroll]

i don’t think this will be a controversial choice 😅 still, there’s a reason that this scene is at the top of a lot of people’s lists, and that’s because of what a great job it does to bring together a ton of threads from the previous episodes and lay them all plain, while also giving us one of dean’s Iconic Moments of Vulnerability™️ AND being a great example of how to write conflicting character motivations between two people who love each other. sam and dean are both heartbroken in this scene, but they’re both sticking to what they want.

one thing i find really interesting about it is how sam, the optimist, starts talking about “getting back to real life” to cheer dean up, as a way to get them both battle-ready and distract them from the possibility of dying in the next few hours. what’s always really drawn me to sam and dean is the way that their intrinsic motivations get in the way of them having a smooth relationship-- that conflict is catnip to me, and it’s something we get a TON of in season one. sam brings up what comes next because he’s genuinely trying to calm dean, but in doing so he brings up his worst nightmare because he doesn’t know!!! he doesn’t know!!! we don’t even explicitly know that sam leaving for stanford was dean’s worst night of his life until dark side of the moon, although he makes it pretty obvious in this scene. then we have dean revealing the only thing he wants for himself, which is having his family together. (and i find it really interesting how sam’s silhouette cleaves the sentence in half, placing “you, and me” separately from “and dad.”) you can see on sam’s face how much he wants dean to let himself have one thing when he asks him what it is, but dean’s only wish here is sam’s worst nightmare-- to be trapped in this life forever, stuck following john’s orders, and seeing them die violent and bloody.

i also love how this scene carries on sam’s theme of committing himself to dean while still chafing against him (”you’re my brother, and i’d die for you, but some things i need to keep to myself.” “dean, that guy was probably gonna die anyway.” “i’d do anything for you, but things will never be the way they were before.”) it’s laying the groundwork for the next [checks calendar] LITERALLY 14 SEASONS. this theme just keeps coming up, and every time it does it comes in a different form. it’s so clear even just from this scene how much sam would do for dean and how little he can conceive of a life together-- flash forward to season nine and you have sam who can only conceive of a life with dean and can’t handle the things they’ll do for each other. mmmmm.

THEN we have sam’s face after dean’s done flaying himself open, and that mix of love and pity and misery is fodder for thousands of fics. the way dean’s eye twitches right before he says “could be.” the weird undercurrent of desperation that shouldn’t be present in a conversation between two brothers about living with their father forever. the way dean can’t even look at sam while he’s explaining himself. sam’s rock solid response, knowing what it will do to dean and knowing it needs to be said. U G H

teen and up audiences

no archive warnings apply

9 752 words

completed

justin oluransi/adam birkholtz

daffodil: do you have siblings? if yes, in what ways do you think you’re similar to or different from them?

i have two older sisters! 

my middlest sister and i have the exact same way of speaking, apparently (to quote one of my friends when she met her, “now i understand why you talk so weirdly”) and we both like similar-ish music, but... i’d say she needs a cause to belong to in order to feel good whereas i don’t define myself by what (job/organization/social group) i belong to because i see it as an action instead of an identity.