At my work, the covid tests I run come in tubes of viral transport media (VTM) - a bright, fruity-red liquid that looks like it should be delicious.
I would never drink it.
You could not pay me enough for that resolve to waver.
As delicious as it looks, I know that the VTM would not be pleasant to drink! Even ignoring its potential taste, it’s full of nasal mucus - and possibly covid viruses. Even if I knew that a specific tube of VTM were covid-negative, just the idea of drinking someone’s nasal discharge revolts me. I don’t even get intrusive thoughts about drinking it!
So what would make someone do it?
It’s the core of one of the trickiest problems to square for Black Apple Blues - why does Night eat the dark apple? Given what is known about them, eating one is akin to drinking the Forbidden Hi-C: it’s not just stupid - it’s irresponsible. Night is putting himself, the villagers, and especially Dream at risk. So why does he do it?
In Main timeline Dreamtale, Night’s motivations make sense - Night initially goes for a golden apple to prove his worth, and it’s only when everything has gone royally fucked and he’s in immediate danger that he eats the dark apple in a desperate call for help.
But in BwB? The ghost timeline is inherently pre-apple incident, because it’s inspired by Quo’s (@the-kk-crow) DTS ukagaka. And being bookish and a guardian, it would make sense that Night would know the effects of the apples. In BwB lore, the consequences of eating a dark apple are notably dire. So what would make him do it?
Interestingly, the motivations in the appleswap ficlets came easier to me. Obviously, Night going for a golden apple makes sense - it’s what he does in the main timeline, and who wouldn’t want to experience some positivity in their life? The key difference for “Gold Apple Glee” would be to ensure that Night goes for the gold apple in a mindset that wouldn’t convert it. Having him ride on an excited high, pleased enough to not let small mistakes drag him down - well, it seems like an obvious choice in retrospect, doesn’t it? (Side note: one key aspect I wanted to foreground was Night’s positivity being derived from his success and self-worth. It is very easy to make a desire for positivity into a metaphor for drugs, and I wanted to avert that implication here. As Quo joked on the server: ‘they’re not drugs; they’re anti-depressants!’)
As for Dream going for the dark apple - look, there’s a reason their tag is #have a plan to kill everyone you meet. Where Night faces the villagers’ overt ire, Dream has to sit and smile against their two-facedness, because they’ve learned that speaking up rarely goes well for them. It feeds a bitterness that could easily spill into the reckless ‘maybe they’re all wrong’ nigh-spitefulness that causes them to go for the dark apple in “Resolutely Black”. And honestly, they do not care what happens to the villagers. From their perspective, it’s akin to growing up queer in a homophobic small town, and they’re just better at ‘playing straight’ than Night is. (Continuing this analogy, this makes the apple incident effectively a gay-bashing that ended with their brother in a coma.)
For BwB!Night’s motivation though? There were several things that I wanted to be incorporated to not break our established themes: 1) eating the apple must be Night’s decision (even if he’s in an addled state when he does so). He can’t accidentally ingest it. He must decide to eat the dark apple. 2) He can’t be ignorant of the consequences. Given his knowledge and the roles impressed upon them, it doesn’t make sense that he wouldn’t know the dangers. 3) Night’s primary mindset must be loneliness, (which sows the seeds (heh!) of Mare’s attachment to Night) 4) Night must not recklessly put others at risk. BwB!Night doesn’t want to hurt anyone; he just wants his mistreatment to stop.
While I’m not completely happy with Night’s motivation as described in “All-Natural Cyanide”, I think I covered these bases pretty well - a sleep-derived haze of self-loathing and maudlin over-identification with the dark apples leads to him wanting to punish himself with the dark apples’ foul taste. When it is sweeter than he expects, it doesn’t fully register as that thing that’s leveled the village before. He doesn’t tell anyone about it because he misremembers the events as a bad dream, and as the symptoms start to show, Night thinks back to how he vomited up what he ate and took the tincture of golden apple juice, which is pretty much all he can do to head off dark apple possession. By the time Night has concluded that yes, he is possessed by the dark apple, Mare has proven himself to be at least amenable to persuasion, so the responsibility to tell anyone about what he’s done lessens and lessens as time goes on.
It’s not a perfect motivation, by any means - Night is still acting recklessly and selfishly out of fear and worry - and how Night responds may change as the series unfolds, but it is sufficient.
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thank you @glitternymph for tagging me :3
(I learnt what otomes are and if you want you should totally recommend me one to start)
Last song listened to:
Favourite colour: Blue, cool toned purples, pinks, greens.
Last movie: Sister act
Sweet, savoury or spicy: Sweet. Big sweet tooth. I will also get fancy fruits the same way I get treats and lollies.
Last book: Halfway through Crowned by the Fae King by Mallory Dunlin (I love her books so so SO much. I'm taking forever reading it because it's rubbing an emotional sore spot rn)
Current obsession: Obsession drought (as an audhd, send help) Focusing on Sea of Thieves, music, making friends and honestly? Just being sexual.
Looking forward to: ..I'm surviving on a day to day basis right now. I have several things on my mind, but personal health is being a distraction.
a few tags @lavender-sub-boy @youcannotfindmybody @itsjustnausicaa @mysterybiguyrerun @stone-queer-crow @femmetragedyke @chaotic--nudetral @goth-vampy-enby
I've just had a realisation that whenever I feel less verbal or none verbal, it also tends to coincide with when I feel less affected/less sexual attraction or arousal from people and content. It defaults back to a lot of "that person is aesthetically pleasing/handsome/pretty" or "that's a nice story, that's something I know I'd like. Next" and less.. outward desire? Words are hard
When I'm like this I still feel like I enjoy pillow princess stuff. Being given sexual attention is still nice.
This is a very autistic thing for me and I've never connected this specific part to my sexuality. It's a weird combo of craving, needing connection whilst also feeling burnt out and none verbal and giving any sort of energy out, be it sexual or just conversation, feels so incredibly hard and smothered.
What is your banner a picture of? I’m assuming a game cause it has a skip button in the corner?
It's from Kena: Bridge of Spirits!
I love this game so much. The cutscenes are jawdropping and I loved the story of it. (I havent quite finished because life and ADHD) It's one of the main reasons I'm wanting to upgrade my PC so i can do it justice.
Name five song obsessions you currently have (on repeat…constantly)
💚
I forgot to answer this because it felt like something that needed answering from The Big Monitor (pc) which I'm at now!
I feel like my music is currently all over the place right now, lots of repeating but less specific than usual. I've got 3 playlists I've been nurturing that I have on repeat, you're welcome to ask for them. :) Without further ado:
1. Prateria by Mattia Turzo (turned up loud, this feels like a piece of my soul)
2. The Most Beautiful Boy - Felsmann + Tiley Reinterpretation by The Irrepressibles (SOBBING its so fucking precious)
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Anya is LIVE right now
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My timezone is GMT+13, I have a fucked up sleep schedule and I often come on here because I'm struggling to sleep and sometimes occupying myself is better than the purgatory that is no sleep but awake in bed.
😅if you msg me and I don't seem to have an ounce of conversational skills in me, please refer to above points and that I'm simply just an npc at times but ily and give smooches
🍎 Apples of the Gods, the Unseelie And A Legend of the Black Apple
A Pagan Fantasy Guide to Myth, Magic & Roleplay
Greetings, wanderer. Sit with me, for I am the Wild Elf, old and weathered, and I will tell you why the simple apple carries more weight in myth than its sweet taste might suggest. In Norse halls and Celtic groves alike, this fruit bound together gods, fae, and mortals. Let us peel back its skin and see what lies beneath…
Apples in Norse…
You’re not intimidating to message (though you are one of my mutuals that I’m always surprised follows me) I’m just deathly afraid of annoying a mutual I think is cool by dming them
That's good. At the end of the day we're all still on tumblr
Also to be blunt, if you're constantly worried about being annoying and expressing that? You're taking away from focusing on conversations, on connecting genuinely and actually interacting, in a way. I get insecurities, I get being shy, god knows I feel exactly that way but if I finish every interaction I had with people I don't know well with "sorry if I'm annoying you"? Idk are we sharing to be relatable or are we sharing to put ourselves down and put the other one on the spot
It makes me feel like I'm prompting someone to assure me out of obligation and that in itself IS annoying, if I feel like I'm obligated to do the same? It's also uncomfortable and feels insincere; it's not going to truly assure either one of us. Does that make sense? It's a little bit of a line between being openly vulnerable and honest vs. self fulfilling prophesy.
Ending thoughts, fake it till you make it paired with actually being grossly sincere and earnest. "I enjoy xyz interaction" "I thought of you when I saw this" "hey is it okay if I ask or talk about XYZ?" Little things that give the other person space to answer in a positive way? "Me too :D" "omg wait I love that thank you" "yesss tell me everything I'm all ears".
Idk I overthink A LOT so idk if this is at all relatable; at the same time I have a lot of thoughts that are from my point of view with insecurities.
I get very anxious when I'm in an social environment where like.. if I don't respond, I'm not denying it? But if I say something, I don't know what to say. "You're not annoying" feels insufficient and any more than that makes me feel like I HAVE to give energy to reassure someone? But if I don't have the emotional or mental energy to do so I feel like an asshole djdhfhs
There's nuance to strangers, moots, friends as well, because I do have love and reassurance to give, just don't make me feel like it's a social obligation.
Anyway. This is a moment where I'd be like, sorry you didn't ask to hear ANY of this at all. But that's pointless. Someone sends me an ask to my space I'm allowed to respond with as much or as little thoughts as I want y'know? I can't intrude on my own space. 🤷Maybe someone doesn't agree with me, maybe I'm exaggerating or being harsh. But maybe people also get a better picture of me as a person and I'm not making myself small. Baby steps lol
Also last side note. Real big fan of those reassurance life hacks where people are dramatic and kinda go like "clearly I've committed crimes can U forgive me?" "I've spilled a bag of peas all over your carpet AND smushed them in is that okay?" Or some such shit
