#appacha

I have been blessed to grow up around my grandparents ... all four of them actually. I have met a lot of their friends. I have even been fed by a lot of their friends.

Honestly ... one of the greatest things is to look back and try remember my earliest memories (which are of my grandparents and India) and realize how active my grandparents' friends were in their lives. And these are friends that they made in childhood or soon after they got married. And...they got married really young. By young, I mean...around my age. But to see how close they were with their friends and others around their age -- man...I'm getting feels thinking about it =p 

And thinking about them ... I really hope that some of my current friends will remain in my life in the same manner my grandparents' friends did in theirs. 

Although they are not my grandparents .. I do consider a lot of the people around my grandparents' ages like my grandparents. I look up to them and they truly mean a lot to me. This is the one age group that I actually can communicate with and that I actually care about what they think of me.

And...because I can actually speak Malayalam ... I think they actually like me too. It's just because I can speak Malayalam though...they're just like OMGOSH...YOU SPEAK MALAYALAM SO WELL...and then proceed to make fun of all my speech impediments. But it's cool. I just love being around that age group. 

Honestly ... that's probably the one age group in my community that I have nothing against. That generation is just filled with so amazingly good role models. 

HAHA...ANYWAYS...THAT WAS JUST A HUGE TANGENT TO WHAT I REALLY WANTED TO SAY....sorry for shouting. 

Since the dawn of my memory, when a grandparent (who was getting weaker/frailer...cause of age and such) gets up or sits down or lies down or wakes up or anything...they say "Daivathinu sthothram" or "Daviame sthrothram" meaning, "Praise be to God" and "Praise you God" respectively. 

And I never really questioned why they all did this. It was just a part of life for me. I hear either phrase and I'd just know .. Oh yeah... that Apachan (Grandpa) ... or that Amachi (Grandma) ... is making a movement. 

And for some reason...I just started to think about it. (Yes, I'm really missing my grandparents' physical presence in my life atm...haha). 

And I at first thought ... oh...they're old...and and when they have to sit down or get up .. it hurts them .. because they're old ... and arthritis .. and stuff. And they're just praying that God takes their pain away. 

And I realized ... that if they were saying "Daivathinu sthothram" or "Daviame sthothram" because they were constantly in pain....wow...what a way to suffer. Like...in their sufferings they can constantly remember God. 

I remember thinking about what I do -- when I find myself in those sudden painful seconds. Like when my knee(s) fails me or I turn my bad shoulder the wrong way or everyone's favorites: when I stub my toe or I smash my hip bone into the side of the table ... in those moments ... I go "FUU...." 

In my sudden pain, God does not come to my mind. I crumple to the floor and wallow myself in self pity after saying a few cusses in my head. 

I look at my grandparents..and all the other Apachans and Amachies and dang...I'm so ashamed of myself. Why do I let myself forget God when I am in pain? 

Then...recently ... I was watching an Amachi stand up from her chair. "Karthaveee....STHOTHRAM!" [Praise you, O Christ]. And yes...she shouted that sthothram (praise). 

And I went over to help her stand and I asked ... "Amachi, are you feeling weak (are you hurting)?" And she gave me such a strange look. "Moleh (daughter/child), I feel wonderful. God has blessed me with so much...It's His right to be praised and it's my desire to praise Him." 

And...I just stood there in shock. She probably thought I was just being my awkward self  or that I was as Malayalee adults like to say .. "a little loose in the head". lol. But I was just in shock. 

They're not praying that God take away their pain or anything...with every movement they are just praising God. 

They are praising their Maker and the One who loves them beyond imagination. 

They are praising God in the good times AND in their pain. 

They are praising God as they see their close friends departing from them. 

They are praising God as they see themselves in their loneliness ... and so close to death. 

They are basically praising God with every single move they make and with every single breath they breathe. 

May the good Lord bless this generation. As I look into my childhood ... a lot of my favorite Appachens and Amachies have passed on. They have blessed me with so many memories and so much happiness. As I look into my life now ... so many Appachens and Amachies are able to make me feel so much better about myself and life in general better than any other age group. 

So many in that generation have shaped my life so that I am who I am today. And quite frankly, I am quite happy that I am who I am today. 

Oh..man...these tears ain't stopping..I should just stop now...haha.