#apogarena2

“Hey.”  I said, so she knew I was up.  I rubbed my eyes for an added effect and crawled over so she could sit against the wall.  “Your turn.  I’ll watch.”  I said.  She nodded, seating herself next to the wall.  I climbed out of my sleeping bag and let her have it.  Hopefully I wasn’t too cold tonight.  After her eyes were closed I rummaged through my pack for some food.  I found the can of stew I took from Starling’s pack and pulled it out.  I used the dagger to open the lid and folded the edges so they wouldn’t cut my cheeks.  It was cold, but it still smelled scrumptious.  I drank the broth, saving the hearty chunks of meat for last.  I sat across from Ara and watched her sleep for awhile while I drank my stew.  After I finished I licked the insides clean and stuffed the can back into my pack.  I didn’t want to leave any evidence that we were here, and the lid could suffice for a razor if I needed it.  I turned around and looked out onto the shore.  For some reason, my mother came to mind.  Small, fragile, and alone.  I was never home much, and when I was I didn’t pay much attention to Maria, but really, I was the only thing she had.  I was sure she didn’t love my father anymore, I mean, how could she?  Maybe she did, maybe that’s why she never did anything, maybe that’s why she refused to leave him.  I looked down, slightly regretting how I had treated her my whole life, now that I didn’t have a chance to say goodbye.  I wasn’t going back home.  I wouldn’t let myself.  It’s not like they wanted me to anyway...right?  They never loved me.  I ruined their lives.  They could have finished school.  Maria could work in a shop and Russ could be somewhere other than the mines.  But instead they were stupid and had me.  It’s their own damn fault really.  

I sighed, looking out onto the shoreline, trying to remain alert for any sounds.  I glanced back at Ara a few times to make sure no one was holding her at gunpoint.

Despite whether or not my parents loved me...I guess deep down, I did love them.  They were awful, and stupid, and had no idea how to fucking raise a child but I guess, without that I wouldn’t have become the person I am.  I wouldn’t have spent so much time on the streets.  I probably would have become some frilly dress wearing Pop like Maria, and I would be dead by now, that’s for sure.

So I guess in a way, I owe them my life.

I wondered if they were watching.

"It's going to be okay. We can't be near each other but it doesn't mean we can't stay safe right?" I looked up at him hopefully and I knew he just didn't feel the same way. I held his face in my hands and pressed my forehead his. "We split up, hide out. Don't do anything stupid Icarus okay? When it's over come find me at the lighthouse I'll be right there waiting for you okay?" I could tell he didn't want to, but we had no choice, we were never going to have a choice any more and it pained me so much. I kissed him softly on the lips and hugged him again before leaving his side.

Maybe she was right. Maybe I was better off alone, the only thing I brought people was misery. It was his hug that brought me back to reality, to the horrible reality. I hugged him back tightly never wanting to let go. As he whisper I took off my glasses revealing my eyes. "it was the best choice I ever made. Thank you."I whisper back hugging him closer to my chest. When he pulled away I looked into his eyes and shook my head. I was loosing him already.

I stood up along with him and swung my pack. As we looked at each other in the eyes I prayed that this would be the last time we saw each other. I gave him a smile. And just like in my dreams, just like Mark, Levi walked away from me and it didn't matter how much I wanted to run after him, or my brother in my dream. I couldn't because if I got near both of them they would die.

Anger build up inside me and without thinking I let out a scream of pure anger. "I hate you!"I manage to say through my teeth. Turning around weapons at the ready I headed Northeast, towards the other side of the island ready to take this anger inside out on anyone within my path.