#aplang16unmarked

At this years prom, it’ll probably be tempting to not walk up to Edu Usoro and tell her that she looks beautiful (as always) in her dress, but I don’t want to mark her, even though she’s already marked. Maybe this year, I’ll tell her that she looks strong and powerful instead.

Outside of the newscaster deal, though, I don’t mind being marked because of how I look. I think if I look good while doing a man’s job there should be no shame in that. I look good. It might sound a bit conceded but it takes a bit more skill to look decent and work hard at the same time. It makes it a bit more impressive. I would take pride in that. If men aren’t willing to find clothes and different styles that convey who they are and what their personality is then they can fit into the cookie cutter mold of what men should be and not be super special, fine by me.

I do believe all women are marked in our society and I don’t think there is anyway around it. Well there is a way...but it is nearly impossible. To unmark women you would have to change the thinking and mindsets of all humans. It’s hard to do because we are caught judging and labeling people unintentionally. After our lesson I tried to reduce the number of times I marked someone, but I found myself marking people more often then I thought. It became inevitable, I am going to mark people and there is no way around it. And men are starting to show markings too. From tattoos, haircuts, eyebrow appointments and pedicures, guys are starting to mark themselves like women do. Our society has already began marking guys. I believe there is no way around this problem, marking is inevitable, so you might as well drag guys into the mix. It sounds bad, but that’s how our society has worked up until now and women shouldn’t be the only ones being marked. 

It’s not impossible to give women the option to be unmarked some time in the distant future. But it would take years and years of a specific type of teaching from not only parents, but other adult mentors in the world as well. Despite this, I am pretty sure it would just be easier to start marking men constantly. It sounds kind of rude, but if this is going to be an argument about what is and isn’t fair, than it seems that marking men is what we’ll have to do. 

Saying someone is marked is another way of saying they have/are being judged by others.  Following that statement, I would agree that all women are marked [judged] mostly for what they wear/appearance.  People go around saying ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’, but let’s be honest.  Everyone judges everyone for their appearance.  For example, people dress really nice for interviews because that’s the employer’s very first impression of that person.  Women expect not to be judged, but they’re the ones doing most of the judging.  From that, men base their judgement off that of women.  I’m not saying that men are unmarked, but the reason men are able to be ‘less’ marked is that they don’t judge each other since they don’t care as much as women do about appearances.  In that meaning, we are not the ones that mark ourselves, but others around us who do so.  So even if it’s not said out loud, people are silently marking others.  

My first glance at “There is no Unmarked Woman” I shrugged it off not really considering how many signals women send when they do literally anything. Is it possible that we can perceive men the same way due to their actions, of course we can, but we don’t acknowledge them because “that’s just their personality” or “it’s just what they do.” Most people aren't trying to send these messages, but we can never change other peoples perception of our actions. We are all marked whether we’re trying or not and whether we like it or not.

Women constantly have to prove themselves to be worthy, when men can just exist. Women constantly have to think about how their clothing and makeup choices will be “understood” by their peers, when men can just dress how they want. There are less “standards” for men than there are for women, but there is no “standard” woman like there is a “standard” man. Women have to follow a long list of rules, when men can just live. Women have to act like ladies, which includes a long list of outdated social etiquette, when men are just told they have to be “gentlemanly”, which basically includes opening doors. When women decide to break away from this, they are considered rebels. When men decide to not open a door, they’re just considered rude. Now, I will never understand what it’s like to be a man. Never. So maybe there’s more that I’m missing to their story, but I sure as hell know that they will never understand the social pressures and regimen that come with being a woman.