#aplang15epiphany

In third grade, school became an organized chore rather than fun. I used to think it was just a fun experience. Learning was just like any other game. In third grade though, that changed. I suddenly realized that in the day of an elementary school student, with all their subjects mashed together into a single day under a single teacher, each subject was separate. I never realized this separation of subjects before, and with it my view of school became that it was less enjoyable than it had been before. My learning turned from a fun mash of subjects, snack times, and books, into an organized day of different classes every hour, with no relation between them whatsoever. I still think back to this, and I realize that it still affects me today. Some might ask how I know it was an epiphany. I know because it’s one of my few unique thoughts that remember from that time. 

Wrote this is my notebook and forgot to post, oops. The only epiphany that I could think of from middle school is that I understood how mean people can be, and I shouldn't try so hard to impress people that wouldn't like me anyway. I tried to change my hair, my style, and even my personality, but for what? I didn't see a point in doing that. I needed to be myself, and I still need to think that way.

Coming from a different country, I wasn't familiar with the culture here in the US. I knew that where I came from, we wore hats when we were cold. Nobody wears hats in the summer, so when I come here and go to the park for the first time, I see kids playing, and most of them were wearing hats. Am I not seeing clearly? It's sunny outside. Is this national hat day or something? Of course not. After weeks of going to school and to the park, I decided to wear a hat, to see why everyone was wearing them. I look around me, and see that the reason they wore hats is because it didn't get in the way. I knew why I didn't wear hats in my country unless it was cold; it was because we were too active and were too energetic and playful to take care of the hat; we didn't have time to keep picking it up every time it falls of your head. Here, however, the kids weren't active, they were ... calm while playing. Their hats weren't going to fall off if they just ride a bike or go on a skateboard.

That moment when you realize the life you had been attempting to create was not the actual life for you is the worst. This became my reality sometime during 8th grade year. One day when I was sitting at home in my room alone it dawned on me, I don’t really have legit friends. Alexis (i said to myself) you don’t hang out with anyone outside of school really. You stay to yourself most of the time and never go out. In that moment I became lost. I had no idea that I had just opened a door in my mind that would never completely be closed again. As I sat there in my room working on my math homework I was in aw of this realization. I tried to deny it and begun listing off people who I considered my friend, but every single one I only hung out with once or maybe twice outside of school. I never had a real conversation with any of them and I felt like I didn't fit into any of their friend groups. I began to feel totally isolated and secluded, yet in a weird way I enjoyed it. I liked the way it felt in a twisted and painful way and this soon became my biggest danger. 

Throughout my life I was raised in a majority white elementary school, and then I moved to Avondale when I was about twelve years old. I never thought about my race being different then their race and neither did they; but either way we all got along. It wasn’t until I moved to Avondale I experienced life in a whole new way. When I first moved to Avondale, it was the first time I ever went to school with people the same color as me. I didn’t know how I would cope with them, if they would act like me or would act the same way they acted outside of school. Either way, I found myself being with them in a majority of my classes. As time went on, many of them started saying I acted “white”. I didn’t know what this term could mean or if it was bad or ultimately good; so I just went along with it. After about a year, I realized what they meant that whole time. Not acting like them or having the same interest as Caucasians made me one of them. Being proper, showing manners at all times is something I thought all people should do, but makes me white if done at all times. Overall, I see aspects of both races and realized that we’re all the same as children, but grow apart when we get older. No race should be classified by their actions or attitude because in the end, we are all human.

So I was never really happy in high school, I would dread going everyday and be scared to talk to certain people because I didn’t know what they would think of me. I’m one of those people that everyone knows but I don’t have a lot of friends. I tried to be happier by doing different things like joining the theater company, taking different classes, hanging with different groups of people. But nothing seemed to change. In fact some of the things I tried doing made me feel even worse. Not too long ago I was talking to Tessa, one of my friends, and she invited me to go to her youth group at church. I’ve been wanting to go but never really had the chance to, and I was scared that people would judge me for going, but I eventually gave in and went. We arrived at Kensington: Lake Orion and they did a session of just music, and in between the songs they would talk about how they understood that we were all going through a rough time whether it was high school or personal things, and started talking about the Lord and all the amazing things he has done. And in just a few short hours, I felt changed. I gave into Him and finally accepted Him. I started going to Kensington: Troy and a few weeks ago, I got baptized. And to be completely honest, I gave never been happier. I realized that all I needed to do was accept Jesus into my life, and I am so thankful for all the people I have met during this journey and I hope I can help bring people along with me.

My Epiphany was very relatable to many others, but it was around the 7th grade. I always thought grades represented how successful I was going to be. I thought if I didn't have all A’s it wasn't acceptable. It was one overwhelming 7th grade Monday night when I knew I wasn’t going to be able to complete all my assignments and attend my sports practice which felt equally important. My mom had told me to do what I can and thats all anyone can ask for. I left one assignment incomplete by the following morning and decided not to worry. My teacher moved the assignment due date to the following day and I was able to finish it all. I saved many long nights of freaking out and worrying by just doing what I can and leaving it at that.