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hi everyone. iām here to address the questions that i know many of you will ask. my sudden departure from the dolan twins fandom was not an entirely impulsive decision, so iām here to explain.
first and foremost, i deactivated because of the sheer amount of blatant, cruel, and unacceptable disrespect i endured while writing for fun and for free. i would spend hours, upon days, upon weeks, upon monthsĀ working on projects and i still got this disrespect. people were critical of my appearance, my strong-willed and passionate nature, the way i presented myself online -- but, amazingly, never of my writing. see, truth be told, arrogance in tote, my writing is phenomenal. it was rare that youād catch a spelling or grammatical error (which is a direct result of my educational privilege, i recognize), each plot was well thought-out, each descriptor would bring the scenery, the characters, the erotic scenes to life; you name it, i took the time to near-perfect it. i wrote, edited, sometimes went as far as rewriting -- my point is, i was dedicated.Ā
a few weeks ago, i even took the time to completely reorganize my blog; i gathered and linked all the small concepts & blurbs i wrote and put them into a masterlist, on top of updating my fic masterlist to be more aesthetically pleasing, cleaner, and editing pictures myself to put them on both masterlists. i did this because i was excited to continue the two short series which i had started: Let Me Get That For You and A Girl is a Gun. additionally, i had ideas, WIPs, and other projects i was planning and writing for that i couldnāt wait to embark on -- and then, it was like something changed in the fandom.
well, i suppose i canāt say changed. letās say more like... got exponentially worse.
from the very beginning, there were two types of people who i noticed in the twinsā tumblr fandom: there were those who earned their numbers, and there were those who preached ideas of entitlement. there was also a hierarchy: big blogs, and small blogs. it was like a caste system of its own kind. iād like to discuss this for a brief moment.
when i first started writing, i was absolutely nobody in the fandom. i wasnāt on other platforms, i hadnāt been a stan for very long, i didnāt know anybody -- the tumblr fandom was where i wanted to start and, for the most part, ended up staying. i mention this because at the time of aphroditedolanās deletion, i was considered a ābig blog.ā how did i go from small to big, then? if itās a caste system, how could i have transitioned?
the answer is simple. the system you all created doesnāt exist. in this fandom, you are either entitled or you are talented, and thatās about it.
i never sat around begging people to like, reblog, or read my work, and i never pleaded for followers. i got them because i put out good, consistent, beautiful writing. i interacted with people, i wrote for prompts, i reached out and cultivated friendships, i did what i went to tumblr to do: write and be part of a community that loved the dolan twins. thatās it. the numbers came through hard work, dedication, and most of all, earning every one of them.Ā
no one on this earth or any other is entitled to likes, reads, reblogs, comments, kind words, attention, followers, or anything of the sort. yes, everyone deserves those things;Ā no, you shouldnāt just get them. you should strive to earn these things. and honestly, while i think everyone is deserving of a chance, not everyone is cut out to be a writer. not everyone is made or meant for this art. because itās an art. itās a skill that needs to be developed and practiced. you canāt just sit down and bang out some writing. you absolutely must be dedicated and passionate about it if you ever want a taste of being successful. and thatās just it; some of you are doing this for the wrong reasons. you do it for the numbers. numbers do not fucking matter. they arenāt even real. itās just a count of people who have physically interacted with your post, or people who actually decided to follow you.
everyone deserves to have their craft appreciated, but when you just start writing for the attention you think itāll get you, thatās not a craft. thatās you doing the things you see others doing because you see the attention they get and you want a piece of that for yourself. itās a shitty, horrible motive. and then, when itās obvious that writing isnāt your strongest talent or even a genuine passion of yours, you whine about some system that isnāt fair, you create something to blame for your lack of success -- of course, it must be the bigger blogs.
iām proof that that just isnāt true and yāall are lying to yourselves. in less than a year, i ended up with 4k followers and extremely successful pieces. again, because i earned it. through time, effort, and dedication, i earned it.
another thing that came with the culture of entitlement in the fandom was people being self-pitying in order to evoke guilt in their audience, so that people would go and tell them, no, your writing is so good, keep it up. they did it as a means of getting the attention they hadnāt earned. people got into the habit of trying to use me for more attention. they would feign friendliness, interest in my blog, etc., all to say, hey, can you check out my writing and reblog it?
i donāt fuck with that shit. itās a huge part of why i had to turn my submissions off and my messages off from people i didnāt follow. i donāt like people who only care about numbers and want to use me for more numbers. it was beyond disrespectful that people thought i couldnāt see what they were trying to do; honey, manipulation is a skill just like any other, and iām better at it than you are. donāt try it on me.
besides the overly-entitled, suffocating people who would shit on, criticize, and blame others for their low numbers which resulted from their sheer lack of effort and self-awareness (and by this i mean actually stopping to question 1. what is your motive here and 2. is what youāre producing actually good or is it slapped together messily?), there was also the culture of feedback to the writer from the audience.Ā
it was rare that iād get any other response on my writing besidesĀ āpart 2?āĀ āmore?āĀ āpart 2 plzzzzāĀ āyou need to update thisā and etc.
how many times is the writing community gonna have to say that those comments arenāt helpful, kind, supportive, constructive, or ANYTHING besides annoying? theyāre demanding. they push the idea that they just want more of the same olā shit. even after i made it blatantly clear on more than one occasion that i donāt take requests and would not be adding a part 2 to something unless it was upon my own discretion, there were still constant, never-ending, tireless requests for more, or requests in general. it was frustrating and infuriating. i was so tired of repeating myself. and when i stopped repeating myself and started linking people to asks or my FAQ where i had already answered that question, people wanted to act like i had an attitude. people gave me endless grief that i was a bitch, aggressive, had a shitty attitude; no, babe. i just wasnāt tolerant of poor treatment. you should try to start adopting this attitude for yourself. respect yourself and know your worth. itās really as simple as that.
when the biphobic comments rolled around, iād had enough. itās when i decided to take my break, truly because i was furious (as i had every right to be) and because that whole situation made me not want to write at all. all my passion and motivation to finish projects iād been so excited to do for you guys went out the window. itās sad that yāall pushed me over the edge this way. i gave it time, i let the wounds heal, i let the anger fade, and i started an official hiatus to do this. iām also in school again, which meant iād be less active anyway, and it felt like a good idea to just put some distance between myself and the tumblr fandom. but the distance has only solidified the feeling that iām just not appreciated as much as i deserve to be. and i donāt mean in numbers. i mean for the amount of effort i put in to get constant backlash on things that donāt even have to do with my writing, to work so hard only to be pissed the fuck off, to dedicate so much time and energy to a group of people only for yāall to erase my identity, send me hate, try to act big and tough and like youāre the shit behind anonymous... iām good luv, enjoy.
there are also other factors; truths about some of the people in the fandom that are idolized, the constant plagiarism of my work, the overwhelming sense of responsibility that came with keeping up with my blog like it was a job, among other things that i donāt care to elaborate on.
so thatās it. i got tired of the same old shit and i know i deserve better. below, iāll answer some questions that i think some people may be left with:
are you and luna still dating?
yes. for the last time, yes. we are dating. we are a couple. we love each other. we are in a long distance relationship and we are actually dating. not like two besties pretending to date because itās quirky -- we are actually. fucking. dating. and no, nothing happened between us to make me make this decision. we are doing great.
are you gonna write ever again?
in my life? yes. for the twins, in this fandom, or on this platform? fuck no.
are you still a fan of the twins?
yes! oh my god, probably always. no matter where they go or what they pursue, iām there with them. they have made my life better, and i have a lot to thank them for. iāll just be enjoying their content from alllllllllll the way over here.
are you gonna be blogging about the twins?
not at all. in fact, i donāt even follow rockstardolan because iām keeping my dash away from all of that. iām not following any dt related blogs. iām gonna do my thing over here, and love the twins in private, on my own terms.Ā
why did you delete all your writing?
in truth, after everything, i donāt even want it to remain there. i essentially wanted to erase my contribution and my footprint on this fandom. plus, having my writing just out and about, having already been plagiarized so iām sure you can find some things in various illegal wattpad compilations, makes me worry about more people doing that. i wanted to keep that damage to a minimum. so yeah, theyāre gone forever.Ā
what about your friends, people you interacted with, etc?
the people who matter will stay in touch. there are some people iāve cut out from my life for good because theyāre toxic and quite frankly i just donāt like them. iām done subjecting myself to people i donāt even fucking like for the sake of keeping others happy. but, the good friends who respected me, treated me well, etc, theyāll reach out when they can. iād say i encourage it, but i have a lot on my plate as is and have a hard enough time keeping up with things in the real world, let alone things online. thereās still love there, iām just keeping a safe, healthy distance and doing whatās best for me.Ā
if you have other questions, you can feel free to ask, but iām really not in the market for new friendships. itās not that time in my life. i literally cannot handle more than what iāve got on my plate, and iām keeping my priorities in order. i donāt care if you think iām rude, if you think iām a bitch, if you think iāve got a bad attitude, if you think iām a piece of shit, if youāre angry, if youāre sad, even if youāre gonna miss me -- this is for me. iām letting this out as a big, fatĀ fuck you to the things and people that ruined my experience on aphroditedolan, and as an explanation for the few people who deserve it.
take care of yourselves. do the things that make you happy. donāt tolerate things that donāt make you happy. do no harm, take no shit, and most importantly,
stan the FUCKING dolan twins.
signed,
daniella/dani/aphroditedolan, however you have known me.Ā
so,,, i have a confession to make. the tl;dr of this is:
my name is not asteria, it is daniella. i used to be a part of the dolan twins fandom here on tumblr, and after a series of unfortunate events, i deleted my blog, aphroditedolan, and distanced myself from the fandom entirely. however, i am back. going forward, this will be a multi-fandom blog, which currently includes content about colby brock and the dolan twins.
for a more detailed explanation (for anyone who cares), feel free to click below the read more.
as some of you may remember, i made a post on my personal blog (which i no longer use, but that is still up @psychicnymph) explaining why i decided to leave the fandom and swearing that i would never ever write for the twins or on this platform ever again. when i started getting into sam & colby (and, really, the whole traphouse), i felt that desire to write fanfiction again. i started reading some here and there, just indulging in my newfound love for colby brock, and then i started having these ideas for things i wanted to write. i debated it for a few days before deciding to sit down and write bad guy, and writing it was cathartic. i had just finished my semester at purdue, and i had taken an intermediate fiction writing course where i had spent so much time and energy on my short stories that it was so wonderful to write for the fun of it.
now, bad guy and the whole where we go series was an idea iāve had since last summer. i had intended to write the series of fics about the twins, and i was going to alternate between ethan and grayson (meaning there wouldāve been 6 ethan fics and 6 grayson fics). the plan was to finish let me get that for you and a girl is a gun before starting it or even mentioning the series. and then, an absolute shitstorm ensued.
the hate i was receiving, and especially the biphobic comments people were making, was inexcusably and unnecessarily cruel. i had reached a point where i had had enough, and rightfully so. there were things i didnāt like about the fandom (which i addressed) and there were people who i wanted to distance and protect myself fromānot to sound dramatic, of course, but i mean what i say. i felt criminally under-appreciated in the community i had given so much to. and to be clear, i wasnāt hurt by it; i was angry. i could not believe the sheer audacity of some people, and iām sure any of you taking the time to read this feel or felt the same way. i didnāt want people to be able to enjoy what i had spent so much time on after being treated that way. so, i left, and took away the opportunity for people to enjoy my writing on the principle of being disrespected. and obviously i know it was not everybody, but we learned as kids that a few bad people can ruin something for the whole group.
when i started to write bad guy, i originally considered just writing the fics without posting them. you know, just get it down and get it all out and move forward. but,,, as a writer, i felt two things:
sad because no one would get to appreciate or enjoy my writing
guilty because i knew people would really like the fics & my ideas
so i started to consider writing under an alias. i created the identity iāve been writing under for (at least?) a month: asteria. after creating the identity, i set up a pinterest account, a twitter account, and spotify account under the name āasteriasyzygyā in order to interact with the fandom essentially in incognito mode. i really, really didnāt want people to figure out or even speculate that it was actually me. i didnāt want to subject myself to the toxic parts of the dolan twins fandom again. what had been a wonderful experience was completely destroyed by a few assholes on anonymousāi didnāt want to allow that to happen again. i wanted to be in complete control of how i interacted with the sam and colby fandom and enjoy the experience without my past attached to me.
and that was going great! iāve really enjoyed talking to the people in this fandom and, similar to the dolan twins tumblr fandom, i found that tumblr was the best platform to be on while interacting with other fans. i seriously smile so big whenever i see my mutuals interacting with me on here. i barely know you guys but i would absolutely lay my life on the line for all of you (once again, not to be dramatic, but... š„“). so, that begs the question that this entire post is centered around: what changed?
i was looking through my google docs and i saw a few old fragments of pieces i had started, and even just a few fragments of middle parts of a story that i wanted to build around, and as i was looking through them, i saw that i could go through my deleted documents. i clicked on the trash icon and at the very top of the list of deleted documents was the fic that turned me into a classic writer: hate fuck. i was so happy to have found it again and i was forever grateful for google having that feature. i opened the document and started to read it. of course i remember writing it (it had legitimately taken me almost two months to finish), but the details of it werenāt fresh in my mind, so i got to read it almost as though it were for the first time. it was 14.3k words and was a good, lengthy read. i was astonished at how well-written it wasālike, not to stroke my ego in public, but i was in shock and repeating to myself, āi wrote this???ā
after the initial disbelief of my own skill, i settled on feeling nostalgic and sad. i remembered all of the people i had come to love, all the insane experiences i had, all of the kindness i had been shown, how much fun iād hadāand i yearned for it. i missed it. for the first time in a while, i felt that my passion was back, and it weighed heavier to me than any anger or bitterness i felt towards the people who had sent me hate. i couldnāt give less of a fuck about them in that moment. i also thought about all the people who had shown me that kindness, and i remembered the people who adored that fic, and i had been reminded of those posts that talk about how special finding that one fic is, and i just felt so sad for taking away what i knew had been some peoplesā favorite fic! i had my reasons, but those reasons have lost importance to me.
i especially felt a yearning to return to the wonderful parts of the fandom and my time in it when i found the unfinished pieces i had been working on. again, there was quality writing and talentāand i say this as humbly as i canāthat i felt impressed by. since i was reading it with fresh eyes, it felt almost like i was reading someone elseās work. and, i shall reiterate once more, not to be dramatic (but), i practically was. iāve changed so much since then (though iām still aggressive, opinionated, and a bitchādonāt get too excited š„°) and iām in a different headspace now than i was thenāas iām sure literally every single person is! itās been a long time and a lot has changed for everyone.
what iām getting at here is:
i miss the parts of the dolan twins fandom that i loved and that were kind to me
i wanted to post hate fuck again for the people who deserve it
i found old pieces about the twins that i really want to continue and am planning to continue (and am planning to post)
plus, i think thereās a part of me that doesnāt want to live in fear of people from my past returning. i donāt want to have to hide behind a fake identity to be able to enjoy the things i love. i deserve to peacefully love approximately three (3) men on a platform thatās near and dear to me. i deserve to do one of the things i love most, i.e., write, and i deserve to do it uninhibited and unafraid. i am not afraid of hate, and i am not afraid of biphobia, and i am not afraid of my past.
i want to make it clear iām not expecting anyone to pick up where we left off, nor am i expecting that anyone will care that much that iām back. those who loved my writing, and especially hate fuck, are offered the opportunity to enjoy it again. i wanted to give an in-depth explanation of everything for anyone who might wonder why i chose to write under an alias and also make sure no one thinks that my work is being stolen by anyoneāitās actually me :)
if you have any questions, comments, or concerns, please feel free to reach out in my inbox. just as it was when i was aphroditedolan, it is always open to everyone for all kinds of things. donāt hestitate to reach out if youāre in need of advice or someone to talk to. iām always here !!
thank you to anyone who read this whole post. i appreciate you with my whole heart.
sincerely,
daniella, formerly known as asteria, aphroditedolan, and (to the OGs) twinslane š
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
ā Live Streamingā Interactive Chatā Private Showsā HD Qualityā Free Actions
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming