having a quiet soft moment with blade after he comes back (maybe in the afterglow . ?), where you're thoughtful and, once he prompts you, you explain that you'd just never realised how complacent you'd gotten with his inability to die.
how you guess that you losing him (you losing him first) had been sort of written off in your mind, subconsciously, as a nigh impossibility, a distant nightmare you'd never have to worry about fully experiencing. and now, in a whirlwind, you'd just had to face him stepping off the edge into the jaws of Voracity while you were trying to still stand as if your soul wasn't jumping in there with him.
to his soft heavy silence you explain, perhaps with a bit of a watery, rueful smile, that you don't know how to feel about it. how you feel... selfish. that death was something he had sought for so long, and yet in your mind you were so heavily relying on that wish never coming true. that, despite having felt and been witness to his pain with it all throughout years, any drop of relief and vicarious happiness you knew were in there somewhere, were drowned in the waves of grief and desperation for him to stay. .
