(coming to terms with) being gay and fucking-turned-something much more serious your rival are huge, life-defining things for shane, absolutely. especially considering how long him and ilya have been going at it, this relationship has shaped him one way or another, though how it reflects back to the public or even his private life, isn't really shown to us and is up for interpretation. we do know for sure, though, that shane himself more or less heavily plays into the rivalry, reinforcing how other people (his team, his friends, his parents) view his public relationship to ilya, and he does so right up until he forcibly can't anymore.

and i love shane, i understand why he does it, but that is his choice. he feeds into the narrative himself. (there is something to be said about him repeatedly saying that he lied to his parents for so long (specifically about his sexuality) and i personally think that he's being incredibly hard on himself there because, again imo, the only thing that i would constitute as lying is him playing into the “i hate rozanov” bit.) he helps keep it up. it's one thing to do it publicly, but privately, at least with his parents if not with his team, he could've shrugged it off. and yes, again, he is stuck in the circumstances of his position and life experiences and those inform what he does, but he isn't some innocent, wide-eyed, hapless boy who is unaware of what is happening around him. he knows what he's doing. he's choosing to do it, much the same as he chooses to going back to ilya over and over. and this choice is what keeps his parents out of that part of him. it's why it surprises yuna and david so much when they find out, and the way yuna reacts to it, to me, reads as “oh, he kept this quintessential part of himself from me because i didn't make him feel safe enough to tell me. he's lived this whole other life that i wasn't a part of and i will never get this back or be able to make it up to him. he thinks that it's his personal failure that he's gay. he thinks he failed to meet my expectations. did he really think i would love him any less? do i really know him so little?”

and this isn't to say that im blaming shane, i really don't. he puts as much pressure on himself as there is pressure put on him by others, including his parents (and probably yuna more than david), even if they don't mean to do it (at least in such a way as shane takes it). and he's built his life around meeting expectations, exceeding expectations. so yeah. but he's so tightly wound that he couldn't even allow himself to confide in his parents. part of that, he even admits himself, is because of the ilya of it all, because his sexuality is so fundamentally intertwined with ilya, that he can't even talk about one without talking about the other.

anyway, this is a huge part of his life that they didn't know about for a long time but that doesn't mean they don't know him. for me, there's no evidence for it, and shane is not even shown to be a completely different person when he isn't with ilya. he is freer with ilya, yes, but that's not a personality trait. ilya makes him feel safe enough to show his true colours, but so do his parents. shane, freshly “broken up” with ilya, is quite unmasked when he's at the restaurant with his parents. he wouldn't have been as openly prickly and quite as bitchy with anybody else.

and as to their (non-??) reaction to shane having a panic attack at the table, that's such weird expectation that people seem to project onto this scene. they are just people too, they are not perfect, and i feel like they are not given room for anything except “oh they didn't even do anything”. like?? i don't always immediately know how to react to something, and i don't always safely know what someone else wants and/or expects from me, regardless of how well i know them. and also, let's not pretend this scene happened the way it did to include the “your boyfriend is here”, it happens like this by design. it literally does not have any bearing on how yuna and david would react to shane having a panic attack otherwise. so holding them up to this weird, arbitrary standard is wild to me.