Im looking WAY too much into this but a thing I think abt sometimes is how many times BenJ probably wanted to just...disappear. Maybe she spends a little too much time in the vr world to the point where the lab ppl have to pull her out of the program manually, she wouldnt speak unless spoken to, and she would stay in her room all day dissociating and refusing to get out. Maybe she never tried anything directly, but prolonging her own suffering bc thats what she thought she deserved.