#anticarrot

4/13

Diary,

Good to see you again. I’ve only really used your pages the last few weeks to keep some polling numbers, but I figured I’d drop in an actual entry for your time. Per my green pea push, I have a major update. 

Kelvin DeLaporte has been pushing an alternative agenda for an official family side dish. They’re very well known to be a carrot person, and they’ve been pushing for a crinkle-cut carrot official side dish. I will not allow this to stand. Here are my new talking points:

1. Carrots, while healthy, take FAR more work to prepare than peas.

2. Crinkle-cutting is a process used by BIG CARROT to trick consumers into a false sense of security. 

3. Peas have far more nutritional value and psychic value than carrots.

4. Kelvin DeLaporte smells like a can of sardines that have been left in the yard to rot. 

I think this will make great headway in the official DeLaporte side dish fight. I’ll keep you posted.

Bye!