#anthclogy

Her blood ran cold. The company had found her. It was the only explanation. 

She remembered everything about that prison, with vivid detail, and everything about their sadistic angel. Elle hadn’t turned around yet, but even the back of her head was familiar.

There was only one option. For survival’s sake.

“Stop. Don’t move.”

Ben wondered when he would let the records out of his grasp.

He had devoted himself to recording the history of the First Order personally, leaving out nothing. Removing nothing. He wondered if the missive was cold, too detached in its detailed revelations, or something else burnt through his words about the events. The events. The actions. Did this happen to someone else, or was it such a wound everything happened through his own eyes....

His saber cutting down his mother’s trusted friend.

The past was fluid, chaotic, in this galaxy. What happened would not be believed, and there was so much he didn’t know at the end. He had come to that point and he couldn’t account for it. Couldn’t write it. His hands shook, forbidding him.

Susan thought this was madness.

He supposed he was, writing down a confession, but he knew how easily it was to kill parts of yourself forever. This made it...more difficult. He had almost destroyed the records again and again. He thought it was possible no one would ever read them.

So, he called her in.

Breha.

Could he speak it? He had once, screamed it to strangers (although they were never strangers, those two.) They knew all about him.

“For a very long time, I considered your grandparents to be liars for keeping the truth from me about Anakin Skywalker,” he said. Worse than liars. “I never wished to be a hypocrite.”

So, there were rocks but there were definitely some flowers in the mix.

She’d been away a little longer than usual--a rather demanding task preventing her from returning to the place she called home. Although their base was fluid; residing anywhere they could find space, she still considered it her home now--definitely more so than the vast expanse of nothingness that had been Jakku. 

And, despite her lack of any sort of real monetary profit from her travels, she felt that bringing Finn something back  from each of her excursions was the least she could do. Especially since the last time he’d been left on his own without her, he’d been left without a trace of her whereabouts and she’d had no way to signal to him that she was just fine. 

While he was most certainly awake this time for the entirety of her away mission, she wanted to give him something tangible--something that said, ‘I know I’ve been gone but I’ve missed you.’ After everything he’d done for her, retrieving flowers from some far flung planet was the least she could do.

from here: 

She shouldn’t tease him, she knew. Many, maybe, would simply give in at this expression of doubt. But she wanted--something else for him. Oh, she was not a thing of...good, but she felt nothing malicious in her intentions. 

She just knew he was still learning his place in all of this fighting and his own doubts. A sort of destiny that he had chosen against, and that, she suspected, was what drew her to him. She wanted who she wanted, and she was tired, and sometimes around him, she was calm. 

For a moment. 

She was also a selfish thing. 

▏▶︎Ŧ-И◀︎▕

                                                    ❝————all you own is yourself.❞ that’s all that belongs to you. your hands, be it stained or washed clean. your body, exhausted or pampered. the very marrow of your bones, the roadmap of veins from pulsing heart to hardwired brain, you are every thought that coalescence into action. you are your own person.

                  can she see that?