#answerfic

delicate isabsolutely a song about tommy, fresh from being pilloried for his “dudethat was two years ago” moment, ducking into a dive bar where maybe he canspend five minutes not feeling angry and ashamed and like he let everyone down.obviously that’s the bar where au!lovett got a job after dropping out of lawschool to try writing for real. so lovett brings tommy a drink and talks to himlike tommy isn’t an asshole and laughs at him for blissfully non-benghazirelated reasons. what a relief that lovett doesn’t know who tommy is, that hedoesn’t follow the news on an insanely detailed level.

Jon haddisappeared around midday, which was extremely rude and unprofessional,but Lovett soldiered on anyway, writing a boring paragraph summarizing theeconomic benefits of environmental regulation and then a joke so clever andhilarious that it would probably have to be removed from the president’s speech. He hadjust texted the joke to Jon when Tommy poked his head in the door.

“Favsaround?”

Lovett spun hischair around, which made the black cat on his lap yowl in complaint. “Heis not. He’s very busy dating actresses while the weight of the White House ison my shoulders.”

Tommy scratchedhis head. “Isn’t Favs single right now?”

“With thatface? I doubt it. Did you know we’re supposed to have a draft of this thing by tonight? I’mbrilliant, it’s fine, I’ll do it myself.” The cat shook itself a bit and said mrrrp? so Lovett scritched its neck.

“Where didthe cat come from?” Tommy asked.

“I don’tfucking know,” said Lovett. “It was sitting on that stack of paperswhen I got back from lunch. Now it won’t leave me alone.”

“Aw, what apretty boy,” said Tommy.  "CanI hold him?“

“Absolutelynot,” said Lovett. “If you hold him, you’ll fall in love with him,and we can’t adopt a cat. I don’t even like cats.” He stroked the catpossessively. The cat purred and bonked its head against Lovett’s hand.

“But lookat that sweet fella!” said Tommy in histalking-to-animals-and-small-children voice. “How can you not like cats,Lovett?”

“Becausethey’re emotionally withholding,” said Lovett, cuddling the cat closer. “Youcan’t even tell if they really like you or if they’re just putting up with you because you’re funny.”

“Don’tlisten to this monster,” said Tommy to the cat. The cat yawned. “Look,Lovett, I’ll go scout around lower press, see if anyone’s missing a cat.”

“Tell me ifyou find Jon!” Lovett called after him.

Once Tommy wasgone and the door was closed, Lovett bent down to put his face near the cat’sface. The cat sniffed at him like he was the most fascinating person in theentire world.

“It’s justyou and me now, kitty,” Lovett told him. “Jon didn’t even answer mytext.”

The cat stared backat him and blinked. 

“Yeah, wedon’t need him. You wanna hear a funny joke?”

Mrrrrphp! said the cat, and rolled over in Lovett’slap, exposing his belly shamelessly.

super fictionallyfictional fic territory but like

this isn’t REALLY that but

it’s at 15K and i promise it’s getting there! i feel bad bc i’m gonna spend the next hour or so doing podsa ficlets instead of getting in a 1d headspace so here’s a snippet? in this au zayn hasn’t left…

***

Harry gets two salads and a fruit cup and sees Zayn and Louis talking onthe other side of the lounge. They don’t look happy.

“Because I don’t feel like it,” Zayn’s saying when Harry makesit over there.

“It’s maybe an hour in the studio for overdubs,” Louis argues.“Big deal.”

Harry sits down next to Zayn on the couch. Neither Zayn nor Louisacknowledge him.

“It’s a crap song,” says Zayn.

“Which one?” Harry asks.

Louis’s lips are a thin line. “Perfect.”

“Oh,” says Harry. “I like that song.”

“Of course you like it, you wrote all the stupidest lines,”snaps Zayn.

“I wrote it too,” says Louis.

“Look, I recorded already,” says Zayn. “I sang my verseabout Taylor fucking Swift just like I sang your crap about Eleanor, I did my bloodyjob a month ago in fact, so you two can jack off all over your shitty album andleave me alone.”

Louis looks stricken. “It’s your album too. Maybe if you’d gone tomore meetings, you’d’ve had more input.”

“Bit boring,” says Zayn, “just sitting there watching youlot wank.”

“I promise it’s the last session. Done and dusted.” Louis’srolling an unlit cigarette back and forth in his hand.

“Anyway, it’s not necessarily about Taylor,” Harry puts in.

ON THE TOPIC OF TOMMYJON AVERTED TOUCHES: i have also been thinking a lot abt how that loli episode also included the squarecash ad during which lovett uttered the sentence "i could reach out my right arm and put it on tommy’s face" which, like. apparently they spend a decent amt of time dwelling on the possibility of touching each other but not actually touching each other?? MY HEART HURTS

:( lovett is constantly calculating exactly how far away he is from tommy and which body parts he could apply to tommy's body parts like one long game of psychological sex twister. 

favs and lovett are doing an ad for life insurance and lovett's contribution is, "if tommy was here i could poke his belly button with my big toe." 

favs puts down the ad copy. "that's relevant how?" 

"just saying i could stick my index finger in tommy's ear, okay? i could put my elbow in his armpit." 

favs is like, "that's super weird, lovett. let's restart the ad." 

"i could put my tongue in his mouth," says lovett, too softly for favs to hear. “i could put my heart in his hand.”

the next day favs and tommy get to the office before lovett. favs catches tommy moving his desk ever so slightly closer to lovett's desk. 

"tommy. what…are you doing?" 

"feng shui," says tommy. 

"is it feng shui if you're gonna run over lovett's toes with your rolly chair?" 

tommy shoves the desk over another inch. "yesterday i almost put my arm around him," he says dreamily, "but then i read a book on north korea instead." 

"good choice," says favs. 

the door bangs open and pundit races straight to tommy. lovett stands in the doorway and watches tommy pick up pundit for cuddles. "she's so close to you," lovett says, his voice breaking on the word "close." 

i literally can’t believe tommy flirts with EVERY cute short brunette he’s ever met. doesn’t he get tired???? is it hard to go through life unable to control urself around such a broad type????

imagine lovett watching in horrified disbelief as tommy casually sidles up to jared kushner at a party in the hamptons circa 2011 to ask him what he’s drinking. favs is like “lovett. tommy’s gonna hook up with jared. you have to do something.” 

lovett is like, “what can I do? you know how tommy is.” 

"yes lovett i know,” favs hisses. “and that’s why you’re the only one who can save him.” 

lovett rolls his eyes. “oh, just because i’m a cute jew with dark hair you think you can throw me in front of tommy to distract him.”

“well, yeah,” says favs. “please hurry, i think he’s about to put his hand on jared’s shoulder.” 

“so i’m supposed to, what, give myself to tommy instead like some kind of virgin sacrifice?” 

favs shrugs. "some sacrifice. tommy looks great tonight.” 

lovett looks over at tommy, who seems to be throwing back his head and laughing at whatever dumbshit thing jared just said. completely unacceptable. “fine,” says lovett, “i’ll take care of it.”

“see?” says favs. “that’s real friendship.”

“oh, this isn’t for tommy,” says lovett. “this is for america.”

so there are actually two possibilities here. there’s magical touch aversion fic, which is sort of in the neighborhood of what we were doing yesterday. due to a terrible curse, tommy and lovett can’t touch each other without pain. the longer they touch, the more it hurts. the agonizing dry heat of skin against skin. lots of intense yearning, very romantic. that one moment when they have to touch no matter how much it hurts.