#anon-answer

regretting something that’s been said ?

or

This question has been sitting in my inbox for a week or so. I’ve been thinking about this a lot because it really resonates with me. I think a lot of us have fears of not “making it” in life, especially when we’re in high school, college, just starting out, etc. Maybe anon is reaching out to me because they think I’ve “made it?” And buddy, I think I have! But not solely because of my job. Ironically, it was actually my unrelenting fear, that finally made me realize that all of us, at some point in our lives, need to decide for ourselves what “making it” looks like.

There is a tremendous amount of pressure in our lives to “make it.” Mainly, when we’re young. In some ways we spend our entire childhoods preparing for THE FUTURE. In 5th grade the teachers prepare you for 6th grade, high school is spent preparing for college. College is spent preparing for the work force. The first 5-10 years of your career will probably be spent on the “bottom of the ladder” preparing for promotions and more responsibilities. If you’re single, start dating. If you’re dating, get married. Already married? Have kids. Live in an apartment? Better save up for a house. And so on and so on... (And this is if everything goes “right!” Never mind health issues, money troubles, and other personal or systematic problems that hold people back) Pardon my french, but aye yai yai!

That type of thinking simultaneously plagued and terrified me. It felt like life was a linear video game with no extra lives and no save function. So I did everything I could to NOT fail. I knew I only had one chance at life and by golly, I wasn’t gonna screw it up! I worked crazy hard, was pretty straight-edge in all areas of my life, I saved my money, etc. From an outsider’s perspective, I was driven. On the inside, I was terrified of failing. I was determined to “make it!”

I pushed so hard that I finally got to a point in my life where lots of people around me were congratulating me on “making it.” But it felt surreal because I didn’t feel like I had “made it.” Turns out, I hadn’t really defined what “making it” looked like to me. Are you truly successful if you have job security but low self-worth? What if the fear of failure actually morphs into a fear of success and you start self-sabotaging? Hey, it happens! Don’t get me wrong, I love my job and I’m SO lucky to be in the position I’m in. But it’s also taught me that “wherever you go, there you are.” I know a lot of “successful” people who have the same stresses and problems they’ve always had. Life’s a tricky thing and I sure as shoot don’t have it figured out.

But I’ll let you in on a little secret: Once you’re an adult, YOU get to decide what “making it” looks like to you. Not your parents or teachers, not even your friends. YOU get to decide what you want your life to be. In fact, it’s critical that you define this for yourself or you may spend longer than necessary searching for external validation. “Do YOU like me?” “Am I good enough?” “Am I successful yet?”

Only in the past couple of years am I starting to 1.) Become aware of my massive fear of failure 2.) Get to the core of why that fear exists 3.) Process, heal, and release that fear. 4.) Redefine what “making it” really looks like to myself.

I’m probably not the best person to ask on how to break into voice acting (pitch a show and then hire yourself as the main character?) BUT I will say this: there are a lot of people interested in voice acting that put too much emphasis on the “voice” and not enough on the “acting.” 

Sure, silly voices are great but it’s probably the LEAST important thing in voice acting. More importantly, do you understand what the writer intended for your character? Do you understand the context of the scene? Do you understand the subtext of the dialogue? (people RARELY say what they mean nor mean what they say) Can you take direction and quickly apply it?

I never took any official acting lessons (although I want to). However, as an artist, I spent a lot of time drawing from life and observing people and I think that helped my acting. I think good actors are also observers of people. Plus, I’ve always loved trying to get a laugh. That desire to be entertaining motivates me as it probably does you as well. Also, I think my anxiety/fear has been a great acting coach for me. All my life I’ve been good at adapting to different social groups and I’ve prided myself on being able to talk to just about anyone in any situation. There’s a lot of “acting” we all do in our day-to-day lives.

A couple of random acting tips/thoughts:

•Observe power dynamics in people. It ALWAYS exists but is rarely talked about. WHO has the power in a conversation/scene? Why do they have the power? Does the power get challenged or does it change somehow within the script or scene?

•Learn about psychiatry and go to therapy. Not only will it improve your life, but it’ll probably improve your acting. How can you possibly act like another person if you don’t understand a bit about the “human condition” and how our brains work?

•While I haven’t taken acting lessons, I did take a couple of improv classes at UCB. Those were more helpful for my writing/comedy skills but that also helps feed into my acting skills. 

•That last tip points to a bigger theory: The best actors are usually decent writers, musicians, etc. I think learning new disciplines really help to inform and build upon your existing skills.

•Being able to copy other voices and do impressions is a great means to an end. Impressions can help inspire new characters or new directions to take a voice, but on their own, impressions seem to hold little value.

Oooh first off, I knowwww that fear! The fear of what lies ahead... the unknown! It’s only natural to be afraid of the unknown. That fear can keep you safe but it can also hold you back. So putting that fear aside for a minute...

Growing up is great! You get to design your own life. It’s tough yeah, but just think, not everyone gets the opportunity to grow up. So you’re an explorer of sorts! A life explorer! OoooOOOooo!

Life is a constant cycle of saying goodbye to the old and hello to the new. So as you grow older, you have to say goodbye to elements of your younger self. There’s grief that comes with that and that’s only natural. I think about who I was as a kid or a teenager, or even in my twenties, and I really miss aspects of those times. But on the flip side, I also don’t have to deal with the same struggles I had during those times! I’m stronger now and hopefully a bit wiser. That growth also excites me because I hope to always be growing mentally as I “grow up.” 

Either way, I try not to look back for too long or I’ll miss what’s coming down the pike! And it might be even better, or different, or challenging. Often times my mind tells me that things will only get WORSE (that’s usually not true-- we’re all terrible at guessing the future). I don’t know how my life is going to turn out and that makes me curious enough to stick around.

Life is a big experiment but only if you choose to look at it that way. I’m trying to learn to take life a little less seriously these days. As the saying goes, “No one gets outta here alive!”

So remember to breathe and tell yourself you’ll be fine. Remind yourself that you’ve already grown up a bit. You’re older than you were yesterday, aren’t you? See? You’re a pro at this whole “growing up” thing.

And if you need further reassurance and guidance, read the poem “Desiderata” below:

GO PLACIDLY amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

First off, I’m assuming you’re asking bc you’re dealing with depression. If that’s the case, I’m sorry you’re struggling. Depression is horrible because it robs you of desire. And if you have no desire to keep going in life, you can quickly end up in a dangerous situation.

Depression’s different for everyone but I needed to get serious about my mental health about 2 years ago after I had hit a new personal low. I’ve dealt with anxiety, obsessive thinking, and depression since I was a kid so I thought I knew what was going on, but I didn’t. Depression is serious stuff so good on you for reaching out. Of course, I am no mental health expert so take what I say with a grain of salt.

Here are some of the first steps I took when I was at my lowest:

•Learn about depression. For me, learning about what was going on in my head helped me feel less crazy, less alone, AND gave me an education in what actions I can take in order to feel better. Here is a great resource: https://www.youtube.com/user/healingdepression and I also HIGHLY recommend the book, “The Upward Spiral.” The book is a crash course into learning about the very first small steps you can do to start a positive spiral upwards. Most of us knows what a downward spiral looks like. With a little effort, can’t the spiral work in reverse? The book is great, even if you only read half of it like I think I did. Also, it talks a lot about the importance of deep breathing and your nervous system.

•Walk. Seriously, go for a walk. Today. Even if it’s only 15 minutes a day. It’s so important for your brain. You might not feel the effects right away but do it for a few days in a row and I PROMISE it will make you feel better and calm your mind a bit. Once you get the hang of it, increase your physical activity. It can be anything! Just MOVE. Your body needs to physically process all that cortisol and bad mojo. Also, you’ll spend time outside (hopefully getting a little sun?) looking at trees, people walking dogs, birds chirping, squirrels running around fighting over nuts, etc. It’s good stuff.

•Journal. Not like the instagram models who bullet journal and all that. Just grab a cheap notebook and write down how you’re feeling. That’s all. How do you FEEL? Numb? Write about how numbness feels. Angry? Hopeless? Exhausted? Write it down. You need to get those thoughts OUT of your head and journaling is one of the easiest, fastest, and cheapest ways to do that.

•Find a good therapist so that you can learn about YOUR depression. This is easier said than done but somehow I worked up the strength to make ONE appointment with 2 different therapists. I told them how I felt and I listened to what they said. One guy gave me weird vibes so he was out. The other woman was thoughtful and smart and two years later, we still speak every week for an hour. Therapy has felt like a college course in my personal psychology. I’m learning more about how my brain works. My thought patterns, what sets me off, etc. One of my doctor’s told me in our first visit, “Most people know what kind of car they drive, but they have no idea what kind of brain they have!”

•Meds. I’m on meds (and have been for decades) but I don’t really want to comment on them too much since it’s such a hot topic. I don’t think they’re anything to be ashamed of, but I also don’t think they’re something to be promoted because it’s so individual. My dose was increased when I was at my lowest and it helped but it’s never been a cure-all. However, I do think for some people in some situations, meds can be a lifesaver. It’s complicated. Do your research and meet with a psychiatrist (not a GP) and meet with them at least 2-3 times before they write you a prescription. Find someone you trust that listens to you and isn’t too quick to throw a bunch of pills at you.

For me, the things above were the most helpful tips I can give to anyone who doesn’t know where to start treating their depression. 

Here’s a bunch of other things that have helped me. However, don’t try to introduce a bunch of stuff into your life all at once. You probably won’t even have the energy and it’s just too overwhelming. Start small. But in case you’re wondering, here are some helpful things that I’ve slowly introduced to my life:

•Avoiding alcohol and/or added sugars makes me feel better. I don’t cut it out of my life but my awareness can increased. And awareness of this stuff is crucial! ( “Oh, when I do ____, I feel worse! I will now try to avoid that thing, especially when I’m already feeling bad.”)

•Got a dog! Our pets are a HUGE stress reducer and mood elevator. It’s scientifically proven that caring for something other than yourself gets you out of your head and makes you feel better. Even a plant can help.

•Coffee helps lift my mood in the morning (it’s a stimulant after all) but it can increase anxiety/racing thoughts so I stick to one cup in the morning and that’s it.

•Cannabis is something that I never used to use but it’s been very helpful (way better than benzos!!) It’s another controversial and complicated subject but I want to be honest.

•Meditation. I often can’t just sit and wait for my mind to quiet down. It’s hard and I get distracted. But certain kundalini and hindu meditation practices have been incredibly helpful. They’re active and effective. I’ve been taking classes on zoom throughout quarantine and it’s been really mind-blowing. Lots of breathing exercises and intense practices.

•Gardening. During quarantine, I’ve fallen into gardening HARD and love it. Haven’t done it since I was a kid (never had a yard as an adult until now!). It’s meditative, I sweat out in the sun, and I like digging around in the dirt like a dog. Gets me out of the house and getting out of the house when you’re depressed is super important.

•Yoga. It’s true. All that hippie dippy stuff really works! Yoga helps “reconnect” your body and mind. It’s physical exercise but it’s gentle and calming. Mainly, I find it fun and that’s really important. Find something physical that’s FUN. You don’t have to go for long runs or whatever. I hate running but I LOVE getting on my bike.

•Don’t read the news. If a bomb is gonna drop on your head, your neighbor will tell you. In a depressed state, you don’t need other people’s problems. You’ve got plenty of your own. The news is there to freak you out and you don’t need it. Avoid social media if you can as well. Too many loud people shouting! The social media companies and news organizations want you to stay glued to their platforms freaking out and believing that we’re all doomed. Don’t fall for it!

Hope this isn’t tmi but I remember when I was stuck in the hospital for mental health reasons and all I had to keep me happy was watching BCG on the hospital TV and now it’s grown on me as a show I watch for comfort! I also relate to the Green family, especially Cricket, and they all remind me of myself and my family which it’s really nice to see another family kinda like mine on TV. Also the way you interact with your fans is really sweet to see!

Uh basically this rant just means, thanks for making my favorite show!

Keep up the good work and have a good day!

Pssh, not TMI at all. I’m SO glad BCG could provide a bit of comfort and relief during a difficult time. I hope you’re feeling a bit better these days. Mental health stuff is just so damn tricky. 

You mentioning that the Green family reminds you of your own family is also great to hear! We always want the Greens to feel like a real family, especially in the way they all communicate. They “rib” each other out of love. They each have their flaws. Sometimes they’re forced to be brutally honest with one another.

Also, I just remembered, I had a thought one morning driving on the 5 freeway to work. This was probably back in 2014/2015 when we were developing BCG. I remember thinking about a few different live-action shows for kids that would routinely show rich families all acting snarky to each other. I couldn’t relate to those shows at all. I thought it’d be cool if BCG could be a show on Disney Channel that featured a working-class family all having fun together. 

A lot of those “kidcom” shows are more about “wish-fulfillment” rather than relatability. Here’s what you DON’T have rather than what you do have. I don’t know about you but when I spend too much time looking at a polished/skewed version of reality (like social media), the more empty I feel. It’s good to remember that life is messy and tough sometimes. That way, when messy/tough stuff happens (and it will!), you’ll know it’s par for the course. I think most people deal with the same difficult emotions (in different ways and to different degrees), we just don’t talk about them.

Don't you get scared of real life sometimes, too?

Do I get scared? Ha! Absolutely! Everyone feels fear. Many of us are probably experiencing more fear these days than normal. The “real world” is outside of our control and therefore can feel unpredictable, chaotic, and scary. I’m glad to hear BCG can offer a bit of relief and distraction during difficult times.

But once the fear has calmed in you a bit, I invite you to do some investigation work on what’s causing your fear. I say this because when we can become aware of what we’re feeling and why we’re feeling that way, we can then take actions in our lives to try to feel better.

I’ve always held onto a lot of fear, ever since I was a kid. I think fear has been a large motivator of mine (for better or for worse!). It’s also been a major hurdle for me. I think the biggest problem with fear (or any difficult emotion) is when it goes undetected. Fear can be operating in the background of your mind, like a devil whispering in your ear! It’s very easy to feel “overwhelmed” or “stressed” but those are vague words to describe more specific emotions (fear, desire, shame, etc). So good on you for first being AWARE that you’re experiencing fear. That’s half the battle! The next step is figuring out what’s the true cause of the fear. What’s triggering the fear?

Lately, I’ve been trying to look at fear (or any other emotion I experience) as a “message” from my inner self. For instance, when I feel scared/anxious/worried I’ll try to listen to that feeling. I try not to let the fear overtake me but I do try to listen to it and figure out what it’s trying to tell me. Your emotions are trying to tell you something. Often times, fear is a response to not feeling safe. Or maybe your fear is a response to feeling out of control. 

For me, journaling and meditation have really helped me to start looking inward. I can’t control all of my external circumstances but I can control my response to those circumstances. I’m also trying to control my response to those circumstances (responding vs. reacting). I try to constantly remind myself what I CAN control and what I CAN’T.  I try to focus on what is in my control and surrender the outcome of things outside of my control.

Go for a walk! It requires no money and no friends. It’s like a very slow tour of your own neighborhood. Maybe you’ll meet a friend. Or maybe you’ll get mugged (joke’s on them- you don’t have any money). 

Say hi to a few people, and even though they might not wave back, it’ll make you feel better to be a part of a community. Try to make small talk. See what happens. Mess with people. Play the game where you imagine where each stranger is going. A friend of mine and I used to sit outside the post office and joke about what was in everyone’s packages. Every little old lady was DEFINITELY mailing a sex toy. Boredom lends itself to creativity. Put yourself out there. Who cares what happens, you never see these people again.

Also, bring a journal. Write down all the funny stupid stuff you’ll see. It’s amazing what you’ll notice once you start looking for it.