May 23, 2015
do you ever start choking on something for like 2 seconds but in that time frame you already start imagining your obituary
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do you ever start choking on something for like 2 seconds but in that time frame you already start imagining your obituary
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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so I’m American but I’m living in China right now and the city I’m in has an American consulate, but no one’s allowed to walk on the sidewalk in front of the American consulate (there are guards and everything)
so there’s just this inconvenient stretch of sidewalk in the middle of the city that no one can walk on, and obviously it’s china so it gets all crowded and you practically get run over every time you walk by
so my friends from Europe were like “Why the fuck don’t they let you walk on the sidewalk in front of your consulate?? You can walk in front of all the other consulates”
so i explained that America is pretty much an insecure, 21 year old college guy who wants everyone to think he has a big dick, so he does stupid shit all the time to try and prove that he has the biggest dick ever and just ends up looking like an asshole
I think most of the stupid shit america does can by explained by this logic
i like to imagine the other countries of the world as girls who don’t want to have sex with him so he gets all mad and is all, “FINE WHATEVER, YOU’RE A BITCH AND CAN’T WALK ON MY SIDEWALK”
I was tagged by maxattaxtheinternet One song - What makes you beautiful by One Direction Two movies - Captain America and Pirates of the Caribbean Three shows - Sherlock, Doctor Who, and Parks and Recreation Four shows - Chris Evans, Hayley Atwell, Taylor Swift, Amy Poehler Five shows - Mozzarella sticks, potstickers, nachos, garlic bread, spaghetti Six tagged people - professionalturtburglar laurenpetersendottumblerdotcom thecreepy revgrlutena missamericaof annaloose and anyone else that wants to do it
boy tries to flirt over text
boy: i think you are cool
boy: are you looking for part time jobs
boy tries to flirt over text
boy: what are you doing right now?
me: cleaning my bathroom
boy: im amazed how u can talk and clean at the same time
me: ...yeah i can do two things at once
boy: be careful not to slip ur phone into u know where
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
guys trying to flirt over text
boy: what are you doing right now
me: just listening to beyonce
boy: i like her butt
boy: so are you a single lady?
oops
yeah so sorry I've recklessly abandoned my blog but I've been studying away in china for the last 2 months and I'll be here until June so my internet presence is more regulated (commie internet is tooooo slow)
if you're at all interested I have a travel tumblr where I upload mediocre photos and sometimes post tidbits about being in china
I don't really write on it much because my jesus-y relatives look at it so I can't swear or anything so I have to do really generic soul-twisting writing and I don't have enough soul left to do that
but here's the link: looseac.tumblr.com
later bitchnachos
SKYPE INTERVIEW IN LIKE 15 MINUTES
i'm listening to beyonce to pump myself up
hopefully they think i'm kind of cool
and also the last time i had to do a skype interview the internet crapped out for the only two fucking hours I needed it
welp