#anna's aus

he bumped into some guy on the street and the one latte he could afford for the week ended up all over his shirt. it was raining too, which was beyond unusual for arizona, and josh was not prepared. he ended up stepping in a puddle that was deeper and muddier than it seemed, getting dirt all over his jeans, without anything to change into before a big meeting at work. and when he arrived at said meeting, late, as his boss pointed out, he tripped and fell into a spare rolley chair, sending it sailing across the conference room.

his boss (pete) solumnly reminded him that he had given josh him the job of assistant out of pity, and that he’d need to do better because the company was going through changes, and pete didn’t want to see him gone, but that wasn’t his decision to make. the small vegan smoothie start-up was recently featured on buzzfeed, so business has been crazy lately with everyone working 110%.

maybe the craziness all around him made josh a little crazy too, because napping in the storage closet instead of going out to lunch seemed like a good idea to him. right as he was about to lower his head onto his bunched up sweatshirt, it instead hit something cold. cold and that make a clinky sound.

next thing josh knows, he’s sliding and flailing down a huge mountain of coins, golden goblets, pearls, and treasure chests. as he comes tumbling to a halt, he looks up to notice that he’s in a cave. a HUGE cave, with stalactites the size of doors hanging from the ceiling.

“woah,” said josh, “toto, i don’t think we’re in kansas anymore” he said to no one in particular. it was at this moment when what can only be described as the unholy cross between a roar and a low growl shook the entire cave, causing the mountains of coins to shift downwards towards josh, caving him in like he was inside of a huge medieval CoinStar machine. he scrambled over the trinkets and treasures, only to see a shadow of a large tail flicking and large, leathery wings disappear around the corner.

josh then did what any reasonable human would do, which is run, but as soon as he turned his head around, he found that he was standing in the middle of his office floor.

“josh!” called pete, “get in here!”

rounding the corner to pete’s office, josh wheezed, “did you see that?” as pete handed him a folder full of paperwork.

“everyone saw, unfortunately,” nodded pete solemnly, but still not looking up from his desk, “that rolley chair was two inches away from crashing through the window and paying the parking lot a visit.”

josh was confused. “um, the dragon?”

“what?” said pete.

“um,” said josh, “ha?” before recognizing that it was time to retreat. it was clear he HAD actually fallen asleep and suddenly taken up sleep walking as a hobby. but it felt so real?

oh well.

he ruminated about this on his walk home. the desert sand melted away in the background, and the mountains leveling out, and when josh looked up, he was no longer in Phoenix in the mid-afternoon, but in some kind of northeastern forrest at dawn. josh called out, but it was clear he was alone, except for the strange lights floating around as if someone found a way to put christmas lights on fireflies.

he wandered in the direction that he deemed as “straight” until a white rabbit crossed his path. when the animal turned and faced josh, it blinked at him with all four of its eyes, and josh blinked back with his two. this stare down continued before the rabbit turned around and continued back the way it came. josh assumed he was only meant to follow.

he followed the rabbit into the woods for what felt like a good half hour, before the rabbit reached a clearing that had a mushroom circle in the middle of it, and in the middle of the circle, a young guy sitting cross legged, back to josh. however, when josh took a step to come nearer, a branch snapped causing the young guy to turn around and face josh. he looked surprised. well, kinda.

“who are you?” said the guy.

“uh,” said josh, “who are YOU?”

“i’m tyler,” said tyler. “what’s your name?”

josh told him. the guy hummed and mumbled something along the lines of “curious” and “looked more like a brian to me.” josh stood outside of the circle awkwardly until tyler gestured for him to join him inside, making sure he didn’t step on any of the mushroom, or the white rabbit now perched at tyler’s side.

there were a few passing moments of silence before josh decided to speak. “so why-“ started josh, before tyler cut him off.

“i don’t know,” said tyler.

“were you-“ tried josh.

“with the coins?” asked tyler.

“yes,” said josh.

“yes,” said tyler. “i’m surprised you didn’t see me,” he paused, then said, quietly: “i was there.”

“what?” replied josh, stupidly. tyler nodded, and opened his mouth to say something before josh felt a very strong gust of wind rush in front of him and a bell dinging into the distance.

he was back on the street, and was almost mauled by a biker.

josh stayed awake for hours that night. not scared to fall asleep, but more like to excited to fall asleep. he ended up napping for about an hour before his work alarm went off.

he was stepping out of the shower, wearing just a robe, when he went to reach for his razor and instead grabbed the hand of tyler, proceeded by the feeling of someone massaging his feet.

“where are we now?” asked josh. the room was too cloudy to actually seen anything besides the fact that he and tyler were wearing matching robes, and tyler had two slices of cucumber on his eyelids.

“shhh,” said tyler, who suddenly had a glass of cucumber water in his hands, “still have no idea. i’m trying to enjoy my facial, why don’t you enjoy your pedicure.”

“i’m so confused,” muttered josh.

“it’ll be over soon,” sighed tyler, before going rigid and hastily adding, “i mean, i guess.”

sure enough, as josh looked back down at his feet, they had shoes on them, and josh was fully dressed, half out the door of his apartment. josh would’ve called it another dream except for that he still smelled like lemon and cucumber lotion.

the next time josh saw tyler, he was returning from getting pete another iced coffee, but the door to the coffee shop was a little heavier than usual. instead of opening up to the street, the doors opened up to a staircase with a deep red carpet that extended down to a large ballroom, brightly lit by floating candles and an abnormally large moon in the sky.

at the bottom of the staircase was tyler, wearing a white tuxedo; or maybe silver? light blue? josh couldn’t tell, it seemed to change each time he moved. he was looking expectantly up at josh.

“well?” called tyler, “put down the coffee!”

as josh went to put down the corrugated cardboard holder, when he noticed that he too had a strangely iridescent tuxedo. he took tyler’s extended hand.

a few minutes into dancing silently, josh asked, “really, do you know what’s going on?”

tyler’s smile faltered a bit.  “are you not having fun?” he replied, quietly, concerned.

“i am,” exclaimed josh quickly, “you just seem to know what’s going on all the time-”

“i don’t,” said tyler, cutting him off.

“ah,” said josh.

they continued in silence.

josh cleared his throat, “so, i’m confused. how am i leading when i don't even know how to waltz?”

tyler looked josh dead in the eye, dropping their hands. the ballroom melted around them, first the columns, then the stairs, the faceless people, then finally tyler himself. josh found himself halfway back to his work building without the coffee he was sent out for. he turned back, a little confused, but mostly with the sinking feeling that he did something wrong.

he didn’t see tyler for a week. instead, he noticed little things that just so happen to go his way; buses would wait for him as he chased them down, a practice pad he had been eyeing for weeks just went on sale for 50% off, he never was late to work, and he didn’t break anything valuable, and pete gave him friday off.

on his walk home, josh went a different route through the public gardens. it was his friday off! he was in a good mood and wanted to see some cacti. he was halfway to the succulent section when he noticed a guy with a red beanie hunched over some white flowers, picking the petals off.

josh couldn’t stand for these hoodlums destroying the plants, so he took action. he called, “hey!” and the guy jolted, and whipped around. he stood up so quickly that the guy’s heavy backpack nearly caused him to fall backwards, which is when josh saw his face.

“tyler?” josh called. tyler looked terrified before running away from josh. josh chased him halfway across the city, down streets and through buildings before eventually tyler reached a dead end in an alley.

josh was so out of shape, he wasn’t going to lie. “i just- explain!” panted josh, “did- did you know?”

tyler turned to face josh, before crying, “I’M SORRY OKAY I JUST FELT BAD!!!!! I DIDN’T MEAN TO”

josh blinked. then pushed further in a logical way.

“what?”

tyler then poorly explained, mentioning something along the lines of “rain spell went wrong” and “spilled latte all over yourself” and “felt bad” and “nice” and “wanted to talk to you.” upon being demanded for clarification, tyler explained that he was an apprentice for a wizard (brendon) and was on his way to go apprentice when he accidentally ran into josh, spilling coffee onto him and felt bad. tyler still hadn’t been able to control universe placement, so the whole dragon thing was a mistake. (“but a spa day?” asked josh. tyler said that was besides the point.)

phil supposes his life could’ve gone in many different directions. he could’ve abandoned art all together when he was younger, decided to become a doctor or a lawyer, but fate had other plans for phil.

he wasn’t the best painter in his art class in elementary school, but his enthusiasm made up for lack of natural talent. years down the road, this joy turned him into not a bad student at all. phil liked watercolors the most, and he continued this hobby all throughout high school, and most of college, until he realized that this love of art could potentially make him some money.

upon talking with a friend of a friend that lives on his hall, he met with a woman who was looking for a replacement artist for painting teacups and mugs while she was dealing with her pregnancy. phil had a steady hand and adopted the skill quite well.

this lead to phil painting teacups on his own time, which lead to him being hired full time by the lady when he was out of college. here, she allowed phil to start doing his own designs, which picked up some traction, which allowed phil to start decorating more expensive china, which lead to some higher end customers, which lead to quite busy days for phil, and for the tiny shop that he worked in.

one of phil’s more recent (and more strange) requests was from a blonde lady by the name of louise, who came in asking about a tea set with the most strange requests for china phil had ever heard of. instead of the regular flowers or animals or countrysides, louise was willing to pay of ufos and characters from TV shows (she printed out reference pictures, although phil was already familiar with most of them). 

she said that the designs were for a friend of her’s, who was celebrating his birthday soon. louise said she thinks they’d get along, and said that she hoped they could meet one day. after choosing the most expensive china options phil’s shop offered, she was on her way, only to appear after a week to pick up her order and bid him a farewell.

this is where my crazy niche au takes us; june 11th. this specific day in june happened to be the birthday for crown prince of england*, prince daniel howell, who was celebrating his 25th birthday. among the various lavish presents he received, one from his friend from childhood stood out.

louise got him a tea set. not just any old tea set, one with memes HANDPAINTED on them, and with all of the saucers having celebrity faces on them (including evan peters, and other such celebs). they were FUCKING ridiculous and dan died looking at them. louise said she got them from a small shop and that she thought dan would like the owner, so he decided he needed to see the person who painted the tea set.

phil didn’t expect to be spending his lunch break the next day riding in a limo** with eerily silent men in suits, but when they walked into the shot and said his full name and to “come with them,” phil just allowed himself to be shepherded out of the shop without a fight. this car ride, however, ended at a fucking palace.

he was soon greeted by louise, and after many security checkpoints and such, was lead down various hallways to a room where dan, in FULL PRINCELY ATTIRE (wearing a fuckin crown***) greeted him. dan said that he wanted to meet him since he received the tea set for his birthday. phil was nervous and shakey but managed to make prince dan laugh a few times, to which dan responded that phil should stay for lunch. the three dined together, which is when phil realized that whoever managed dan’s PR did a great job of making him not seem like a stupid idiot that he was.

the next week in the shop, assuming that their lunch date was a once in a lifetime thing, phil was minding his own business when dan (in shades and a baseball hat) came strolling through the door, hoping to have lunch with phil in the shop. dan gestured to the brown paper bag he was carrying, and the security guards outside, and phil didn’t really know what to say except for yes.

this lead to their lunch dates becoming a fairly regular occurrence. this lead to the two becoming unlikely friends, including dan stopping in for one of their public “make your own mug!” classes, much to the media’s delight. 

phil wanted to ask out dan for ages, but didn’t know the decorum about dating a prince, so he waited for dan, who in turn, asked phil if he would accompany him to “idk like a ball or something u can borrow a tux” over text, then later calling and specifying that phil would be going as his date. during the ball, phil, flustered, blurted out the question if they were dating to which dan responded something stupid like “well i sure hope so”

phil painted this moment onto a creamer for the commemorative tea set that he gifts dan for their one year wedding anniversary. they live happily ever after and no one ever dies ever and i pass my next calc midterm the end!!!!!

it was 1am on a sunday in late august when dan woke up to PJ calling him.

“do you KNOW what time it is here?” hissed dan, “i have work tomorrow morning!”

“quit,” demanded PJ, “and it’s only 8pm here!”

“can this wait?” pleaded dan, already feeling sleep fade, “and quit what?”

“quit your job!!! quit your job.”

“PJ i’m not going to do that,” replied dan.

“oh, i think you will. i have a better one,” said PJ, “do you remember that i couldn’t tell you why i’m here in new york city besides of a job change?” “yes?” he said. in truth, dan didn’t know. during the time of the conversation it was like 7am, so he didn’t remember exactly what PJ said except for that he was moving the next week. PJ was one of his best friends here in london, and it was sad to see him go.

PJ was practically squealing when he revealed his coveted information: he had recently been accepted for the position that he was offered, which was to be the artistic director for the radio city christmas spectacular.

“but what does that have to do with me?”

dan was fully awake at this point, making himself a cup of tea. “you know i’m progressive director, dan,” said PJ, clearly skirting around whatever it was. “and i want you as part of the dance core here.”

“fine? what’s the problem with that?” replied dan. he had danced for all of his life. he taught tap and jazz classes at a renowned studio in london. he could probably handle a small male role in the back. why was PJ acting like the news was going to make him nervous?

the news that PJ was holding back from him was that he wanted to cast dan as a rockette. a FUCKING rockette. putting aside the fact that that’s all dan has ever wanted in his entire childhood fantasies, the rockettes have the suffix -ettes for a reason: they are all female. but that’s where PJ’s “innovational” directing came in he supposed. dan took the job before PJ could even say that he could stay with him during rehearsals and while the show ran, he’d need to be there next week ready for blocking and choreography, much to PJ’s delight. after he hung up the phone, what he got into got into him.

dan knew about americans and christmas. the starbucks cups were always something he laughed about on twitter, but this was going to be HIM under attack; a male rocket, and not even an american one? he didn’t know if he could handle it. how would the costumes work? he wasn’t ready for sparkly short shorts, he didn’t have time to tan!

he considered calling PJ back and asking him to just cast someone in america, but he found himself on a one way flight to new york city a few days later anyway.

rehearsals were tough, only partially because many of his castmates had done this before, but also because everything was so fast paced, and he felt like he needed to go above and beyond in order to justify to himself and his peers that he belonged here. all the girls were so kind and accepting, except for one weird one named marina who didn’t talk to anyone and was placed at the end of the kick line. dan was in cast A, and grew to be good friends with his counterpart in cast B, named eugene.

when tech rehearsals started two weeks before the show went up, dan started to feel the nerves hit. the day before their first tech rehearsal was when they were going to announce to the public that the rockettes were no longer all female, and news outlets were invited to watch the first few rehearsals before too much of the choreography was changed.

this was his first time doing everything all at once. his first time in costume, trying the costume changes consecutively, with a live orchestra, with a mostly completed set, with lights, and dan already felt like he was going to faint. not to mention the fact that he had a tap solo mid-show during the “let it snow” part. he was even MORE thrown off by the fact that eugene didn’t seem nervous at all, but maybe that was because been in the show before as a minor character. also, dan was usually one to be anxious.

the first part went off without a hitch. dan was able to hit his stride during the first scene with santa. one of the other cast members (louise) even told him that he was doing great while he hurried off for a costume change. but as he put on his tap shoes and solo costume, the nerves came back.

as soon as he would step on the stage, he would have a few moments frozen in a pose before his actual solo began. he walked to his spot, froze, and laid eyes on the conductor for the first time. and holy shit was he attractive. however, the conductor didn’t see dan staring at him and was actually able to start on time, which dan was not. he was able to recover after a few shakey first steps, and finished his solo with as much gusto as he could muster for the cameras he could see in the front row.

the rest of the run went well. eugene stuck around and congratulated him after his run (cast B would run later that evening), and they both talked with photographers and took pictures after the show, after many people had left.

dan was the last person to hang up his costume, when he heard someone call from behind him, “dan, right?”

turning around only lead to show him it was the same conductor that messed him up today. dan was able to get a better look at the conductor, and was glad that the stage lights partially impaired his vision onstage, because otherwise he would have completely been paralyzed. the guy was american, and dan came to learn that his name was phil, the conductor for cast A, and he wanted to introduce himself.  (“i’ve heard a lot about you,” said phil, “all good things!!”)

dan asked phil why he was here so late, to which phil stammered that he liked to clean up the orchestra pit after every show, a habit he picked up from when he was branded as the “weakest link” of his first orchestra with a very strict conductor. this conversation progressed into dan talking of his first time in a professional studio, and they talked through putting on coats, leaving the theater, and walking to PJ’s apartment (phil turned out to live a few blocks from where PJ lived, who invited him on board to the project as well).

dan saw phil during rehearsal everyday. phil was always one of the first people there, and always one of the last people to leave, which was convenient, because dan like to stretch by himself before everyone else arrived. this led to dan stretching onstage as phil prepared himself for the day in the pit, talking about music, tv shows, or anything else they could think of. these conversations continued after the run was over, and phil would walk dan home, then disappear down the street a few moments after saying goodbye. sometimes they would go out for coffee when cast B would practice, or for late night dinner after rehearsal sometimes.

the night before opening night, dan couldn’t sleep. he stepped out of his room, grabbed PJ’s agenda, found the contacts section, and, wearing the puffiest coat he could, and walked to the stoop of PJ’s apartment building and dialed phil’s number.

phil picked up, his voice groggy, and dan immediately told phil it was him and then dumping every anxiety that had been clouding his brain onto him through the phone. phil wasn’t responding, which either made him a very good listener, or someone who already fell back asleep. ten minutes later, he had his answer, when phil appeared from down the block with a thermos of tea. he sat and listened to dan in the freezing cold as he ranted. when dan finally exhausted himself, phil pulled him in for a hug, murmuring that he should take some nyquil and go to sleep, because he was going to be great.

and he was. the shitstorm of the media finally died down after the first few shows, when PJ’s show was already being heralded as one of the best christmas spectacular’s that the city had seen in almost fifty years. dan and eugene were receiving positive attention as well. dan was one of the few rockets to stand at stage door, and he always stayed behind the longest, making sure to sign as many playbills as he could, and take as many pictures as he could.

on the christmas eve show, phil was part of the stage door crowd. “sign my playbill, sir?” he said, and dan laughed and snatched out the program, writing “FUCK YOU” on it before handing it back to phil, who said, “dan?”

“yes?” replied dan.

“would you be interested in getting dinner with me after this?” he asked. he looked nervous.

“of course,” said dan. they were friends! he was fine with that. for a second, he thought phil meant on a date, but phil was probably straight. so he changed into his pre-show sweats and ratty old pea coat as they headed down the block.

phil had picked the place. however, as they walked further and further away from the area of cheap restaurants that dan knew well, it became obvious phil was taking him somewhere pricier.

this was true. dan was correct, and when they entered, the hostess immediately wrinkled her nose at dan’s fur boots (uggs were comfortable okay) and high school sweats, but seated them anyway, after taking their coats, revealing phil’s suit.

“why didn’t you tell me we were going somewhere fancy?” hissed dan after phil ordered an obscenely expensive bottle of champagne for the table.

“i wanted it to be a surprise!” whisper-cried phil, “and i’ve had these reservations for a month, i couldn’t cancel them.”

dan blinked. “phil,” he started cautiously, “is this… a date?”

“no!” phil immediately exclaimed.

“oh,” said dan, only slightly emotionally devestated.

“i mean, ugh, yes, but no,” started phil, before pausing and taking in what can only be described as a gulp of air, then bursting out: “i’ve wanted to go out with you since i first saw you dance during that one tech rehearsal and i love spending all this time with you but i really want to be more than friends if you’re okay with that.”

“phil, i would love that,” replied dan. phil, who was fiddling with the tablecloth, and staring down at his hands, whipped his head around to face dan and looked a little too shocked.

“really?” he claimed, yanking the table cloth in the process spilling their open bottle of wine all over himself, making dan burst into laughter.

“oh my god phil,” said dan, as they both tried to salvage phil’s “nicest suit” that they both know he got from target, “let’s just go get japanese food or something.”

the entirety of oz was still dealing with the fallout of when brendon of kansas dropped out the sky with his two dogs. josh joined him on his adventure to see the wizard of oz with a man made of tin (dallon), and the most cowardly lion in the forest (spencer). they did eventually reach The Grand Wizard of Oz, who turned out to be  a human named pete, and his gangly assistant, ryan. with the help of Patrick, the Good Witch, pete and brendon were able to return to where they were from. this was not before pete could name josh as his successor.

josh was adjusting to his life as the ruler of Oz. after zack, the wicked witch of the west was defeated, there wasn’t much danger that needed to be worried about. people were kind, accepting of him. it was lonely, with spencer ruling the forest, and dallon, ruler of a small group of elves.

for so long, josh wanted to be anywhere but his cornfield. however, he found himself there a lot. it’s where his feet just tended to carry him. he would sit alone, admits the rows and rows of corn, for hours on end. occasionally days. one day, something was different. there was a sign in front of the field that read: “emerald city realty” and stated someone recently bought the land. the field that used to be his home.

josh didn’t leave the emerald city for a while. he didn’t want to see what had become of his field. spencer had found some time to visit him, then dallon a few weeks later, so he wasn’t that lonely. he wasn’t! strolls around emerald city got more repetitive as he was becoming more and more familiar with the city, and running out of new places to visit. eventually, he received a card from spencer, reading that he should get out the city for a while. a new inn had opened up on the outskirts of town, and josh (and other high level officials) had been allowed a preview of it.

on his way there, josh’s surroundings became increasingly familiar. soon, it clicked. this inn was built on his cornfield. before he could turn back, return to the emerald city, they had arrived. the entire cornfield had remained in tact, with the exception of a small cabin house built on a patch of land that had always been unable to grow any corn.

as he entered the inn, he realized he was alone. no other people decided to stay during the preview. there was a man behind the front desk. he introduced himself as tyler, the head of the inn. however, josh knew that wasn’t just all he was. pete mentioned that he had a friend, one that came with him when he crashed in oz, but chose to stay in the background, not try to meddle. tyler avoided confirming this for days, hours on end. it was just the two of them in that inn, which was really only meant for 3-5 people, so running into each other was inevitable.

one night, josh went out onto to sit in the field, to find that tyler was already on the porch with a mug filled with a hot liquid.

“you know this is common where i’m from?” said tyler. he looked down in his mug. josh replied he didn’t know. he didn’t even know what tyler was drinking. “you wanna try some? it’s called coffee.”

it was hot. and bitter. but still good. josh had to spit it out before his straw could fully absorb the liquid. tyler smiled, but it was almost too tiny to see. almost.

“you know i used to live here?” said josh. “i used to stay tied up to a post, facing the yellow brick road. i would stay there for hours, weeks, years.”

tyler hums. josh sits besides him. they sit for a while, tyler drinking his coffee, josh staring up at the sky, then the cornfield, then when the skyline meets the earth. they stay outside the entire night, talking sparsely, before eventually falling asleep, tyler’s head resting on a column, and josh’s head resting on tyler’s shoulder.

the spend the rest of the week in the inn together. they shared meals together, breakfasts at sunrise, and occasional walks through the cornfields. josh shares about his times in the field, as well as the whole famous adventure that led to him replacing pete in the first place. tyler told him about where he came from; a place called ohio, where pete was visiting him at his house before the tornado warning went off.

tyler and josh grew to be good friends. tyler showed him all that he had on him when he crash landed in oz; a “cell phone” (whatever that was), a backpack, and a few other knick knacks from ohio, where he was a scientist, including some books that he lended josh in the end. josh didn’t have much to share in terms of material items, but both of them needed a friend, so josh promised he would visit, and tyler promised the same.

they spent days, evenings, nights, mornings together, until one day, josh found tyler staring out of a window in the corridor of the palace.

“you know how you had to go back to your cornfield, josh?” said tyler, still looking out of the window. “i think that i need to get back to my own cornfield.”

“maybe we could go back together,” offered josh, as tyler whipped around to face him, “-and visit brendon?”

indeed, they visited patrick later that day, who agreed to take josh’s place as the ruler of oz, gifting him his own pair of ruby slippers. literal slippers, they were all out of the kind with heels, so patrick offered his house shoes. he agreed to turn josh into a human, although the process would be physically painful for an hour.

“i’ll be there with you,” assured tyler.

it was indeed grueling, but an hour later, josh, with an appearance of straw-like blonde hair, sat up. after the stunned expression melted from his face, he laughed heartily. “i have a brain,” he whispered. the entire group burst into laughter before josh reached out to hug tyler.

the send off was later in the week, and all of oz came to see them off, including spencer and dallon, and his small group of elves that he was governing.

tyler clung to josh’s arm as they both waved goodbye to their old home. “maybe we could get some coffee when we get to ohio?” asked josh.

once when he was 5, tyler was playing in the woods and stream out back of his childhood house with his brothers, when he slipped on a particularly mossy rock, fell, and split his head open, and promptly blacked out. he woke up in the hospital, during some sort of surgical procedure, but among all the doctors was a young boy in a black cloak staring down at him. tyler’s parents confirmed it was most likely a hallucination as a result of the anesthesia, and tyler promptly forgot about it when the offer of ice cream was placed on the table.

six years later, when tyler was eleven, his throat started to close up as he ate a reese’s peanut butter cup that was a part of his halloween haul. after the inability to breathe took hold, his parents started panicking and called for an ambulance. as he went into anaphylactic shock, he swore he saw a boy about his age taking some of the kitkats from his pile of candy.

this event developed into a very severe peanut allergy that tyler developed, one (the doctors said) that would only get worse over time. he was provided epi-pens, a medical bracelet, and told to avoid all tree nuts. even being around them could be potentially deadly.

this, of course, was not an easy feat. tyler constantly narrowly avoided death on multiple occasions. however, on the night of his 24th birthday, his friend brought him to a very fancy restaurant for a celebration dinner, that just so happened to have a server by the name of B. Larry Face, who ate a peanut butter granola bar before work and didn’t wash his hands.

upon ingesting the dish, tyler promptly goes into anaphylactic shock and blacks out. he is greeted by a man about his age in a black cloak. the person reveals himself to be the angel of death, but he likes to be called josh. tyler admits to have perchance seeing him before when he hit his head as a child, and when he had his first allergy attack, but josh was younger then. josh tells him that he takes on the approximate age of whoever’s life he’s taking, for comfort reasons.

they sit and chat for a while. josh is telling him about his whole tu pac experience, when tyler is brought back to life. he’s in a hospital, and told that his heart had stopped, but some good ol’ defibrillation brought him back to life.

that was a bittersweet fact to tyler. he liked being alive, he really did, but josh was also really fun to talk to. AND he would be one of the only people alive who would know the truth about tu pac shakur if josh had finished his story.

the next week he went down to CVS, bought himself a snickers bar, and with epi pen and cell phone (with 911 dialed) in hand, took a bite. josh seemed surprised and a little concerned when tyler appeared again, who reminded josh that he only had a few minutes before the ambulance arrived again, so they got to talking.

for the following tuesdays, tyler would go down the portion of the hershey factory where they produce the reeses peanut butter cups, rub his hands over everything, and wait to see josh. sometimes they would talk about tyler’s childhood, sometimes they would talk about what josh has seen in his time. they found themselves growing fond of each other, and tyler became more and more determined to see josh, no matter how itchy his arms would get.

josh once visited tyler in a dream, and told him that he struck up a deal with the sandman, patrick, to let him visit tyler in his dreams so he wouldn’t have to keep endangering himself in order for them to talk. many of these dreams took place in tyler’s hometown of columbus. sometimes in the bar, the coffee shop by tyler’s work, the grand ballroom downtown. they would slow danced there until tyler would wake up, then fall back asleep, and until he couldn’t possibly keep sleeping.

one monday, tyler was on his way home from the hospital when someone grabbed him from behind and put a gun to his head. the man with the gun told tyler to give him his wallet and any valuables he had. when tyler handed over his wallet, the mugger didn’t believe that tyler only had $5 in his wallet, and only carried his debit card and his insurance card. as soon as tyler had handed over his watch, the mugger pulled the trigger.