“You don’t get to nearly die and then use my lines on me, Bucko.” She snapped, kneeling down to look up at his face. “And I think we both know that you don’t actually want to be alone; you just want to be away from Damon, right? I heard he was riding your ass pretty hard the other day. I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

Matt nodded, his shoulders slumping, not in relaxation, but as if an unbearable weight had finally broken the straight line of his frame. He took a large gulp of water, wiping his mouth off, as he took painstaking measures to not meet the hybrid’s eyes. He didn’t regret it often, but now was definitely a time that he wished he hadn’t shown her how to channel her rage into compassion. He felt himself warring between pulling her close, never letting go, and pushing her away to be alone with his own self hatred. Noticing the conflict in his mind, Nia rose to sit next to him, bumping his shoulder lightly with her own.

“Besides, I’m pretty sure that I have dibs on the broody teen who hates herself for things out of her control.” She said, leaning forward to have her elbows rest on her legs. “Been at it for far longer than you, I’m sure.”

This caused him to finally look at her, seeing all joking leave her face as she looked at the floor, lost in her own tangled web of thought. It was rare to see her so open like this, so willing to share, but he didn’t want to push her too far. After all, she’d been the one to search for him in an attempt to provide comfort, not seek it.

“Yeah?” He said, clearing this throat so that he could sound more confident. “You think you can do it better? Come over to the bag, take a few swings, I think I’ll be the judge of that.”

“I could kill you if I get lost in here.” She said, pointing at her head with a concerned crinkle of her forehead. “And I wasn’t looking to make it a competition, just trying to get my nauseatingly positive Donovan back.”

Matt knew this of course, but he also knew that she was holding in things that she couldn’t anymore. He grabbed her hand, pulling her with him gently towards the bag. Standing to brace it, he nodded at her to start, giving her a one sided smile.

“Come on, don’t tell me The Silken Dagger is getting So-oof.”

He staggered back a little, knowing that the blow was barely even her strongest. He never could get over the amount of sheer control she had over everything. Her emotions, her life, her training, even how she used her abilities. There was little room for the unexpected, but he knew that he was slowly getting her to accept that things aren’t so easy to control. That things happen whether they were meant to or not.

“Oh, sorry…were you not ready?” She mocked, pulling her hair into a ponytail while he recovered. “What exactly is me beating you up going to prove? I have an exceedingly unfair advantage.”

Matt nodded, setting himself up again. “Think of it as a physical Diary. Let out your frustrations with the blows, but say what you need to say as you do it. Get a few blows in first to get into a rhythm if you want. Just say whatever comes to mind.

“That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” She scoffed, but got into a fighting stance anyway. “But I’m here to make you feel better, so what the hell, right?”

“Atta Girl.” He said, feeling himself smile for the first time in days. “Gimme your best shot.”

“Only how about I don’t because I could break your ribs?” She teased, giving a few testing taps at the bag, watching his face as she tried to gauge if she was hurting him. Once satisfied that she wasn’t. She put a little more force into it, muttering to herself about how stupid this was, how she should have done this or that, should’ve just grabbed a bottle of booze and offered to drink with him until the sun rose the next day.

“Come one, Thomas, take this a little more seriously, won’t you?” He goaded her, seeing her open up slightly. “Don’t let the fear of what I’ll think stop you.”

She started to hit more, and with a more force. “Don’t test me, Donovan; I’m trying to find a rhythm of force that won’t kill you.

He snorted, enjoying the rise he was getting out of her. “Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

She smirked, looking at him with a sardonic expression. “Any time.”

Nia sighed, doing a few more test hits as she observed how well distracting Matt had improved his mood. She started giving a few joking ones, like how she was too short, and she was too quick to react over planning sometimes. This got him to laugh, which made her heart swell, but soon he was urging her to be more serious, coaxing her to trust him like he had her.

“I could have been a better sister.” She admitted, spinning around for a kick, connecting with the bag with just enough force to make him feel it. “I was always so hard on her, I couldn’t remember what it was like to be a kid.”

She sighed, motioning for him to step away from the bag. “I don’t know how much longer I can keep my control, might be better if you move.” He opened his mouth to protest, but she shook her head. “I’m not telling you to leave, I’m just trying to get you out of the path of destruction.”

He nodded slowly, watching her as she squared her shoulders and cracked her neck in preparation. She hit the bag a few more times, not paying attention to her wrist, wincing when she felt it crack lightly. She shook it off though, not letting Matt see that her phycially hurting herself made it easier to bare herself to him emotionally.

“I should have gone with you.” She bit her lip as she let out another couple of punches. “To get Elena out of town. I should have protected you.”

“Nia you can’t-” He started, but she punched the bag so hard the whole stand shook, making him stop.

“And it’s not just you, right? It’s all the people I’ve gotten close to in my life.” She rambled one, laying an onslaught of forearm attacks on the bag. “My sister, Trevor, Jules, my pack.”

Her fist met the bag hard, the skin breaking along her knuckles. Though she could feel it healing already, she took pride in the wound, letting out all of her baggage, all of the things that she had done wrong. She started saying things, and couldn’t even comprehend what she was saying. She wasn’t even sure if she cared whether or not Matt understood either.  punched the pillar instead taking pride in my bleeding knuckles. She turned to give a push kick at the bag, not even taking in the world around her.

“I didn’t even want to go that night. Should have just trusted my instincts.”

Nia gritt out as she turned back towards the bag and continue beating at it, my shoulders pushing back and forth. She couldn’t remember how, but the bag was gone now, and she could feel Matt calling out to her, but she couldn’t stop herself. Babbling about the night she found the burning ash of her home, she moved on to the brick wall. Tearing away at her skin and at the mortar and blocks, she watched as her fists just kept attacking. Her red hair had unfurled around her in flaming wisps, not helping with the memory at all. Suddenly she stopped talking, and just punched, watching as her blood darkened the red of the wall.

“NIA!” Matt’s voice ripped through the static of her mind, making her finally stop to look at him, his eyes icebergs of concern and a multitude of emotions that she couldn’t pick out at the moment.

Suddenly, something snapped in her, and she crumbled to her knees, exhaustion taking over. All she could do was feel her body heaving around her as tried to catch her breath. Matt was kneeling in front of her, wrapping some cloth around her hands. If she were able to, she would have told him not to worry about it. Instead, she just stared at him, her voice coming out raw as she finally admitted her guilt for years.

“It’s all my fault, Matt. Everyone I touch breaks.” She hated the tears that fell down her face. “I can fight it, I always fight it, but it’s who I am.”

“Hey, hey look at me.” He said, grabbing Nia’s face to steady her vision. “You have been put in impossible situations, no one is denying that, but what happened to your family and friends? None of that is on you.”

“Tell that to Elena.” She gulped, avoiding eye contact with him. “She’s a vampire now because of me. If I had been there, I could have gotten you and Stefan could have gotten her or-”

“Or you could have died.” He insisted, trying to get through to her. “The Original family is after you just as much as they are her. No way would Rebekah have left you with us.”

“You don’t know that.” She said, slumping into him as she lamely slapped at his chest. “I should have listened to you. We could have gotten out.”

“Hey, just remember that next time.” He said, laughing in a way that was meant to comfort her, but was laced with concern and guilt.

He rubbed her back, unsure of what to do with the broken girl in his arms. She was always the one standing tall for everyone, a sarcastic quip and some badass plan up her sleeve. She was the one he and Tyler went to when they couldn’t see any way out of their situation. This wasn’t Nia, not the one that he knew, and that terrified him.

“Hey, let’s get out of here, yeah?” He pulled her back to look at her face. “We can go to my place, grab some takeout, and just veg, how’s that sound?”

“Like I’m terrible at making people feel better.” She mumbled, puffing a plume of hair in front of her face. “I was supposed to be the one helping, and now you’re taking care of my baggage filled mess.”

“Believe it or not, ignoring myself and taking care of others helps a lot more than this would have.” He chuckled weekly, standing up to gather their things and give her a chance to pull herself up. “Though I guess you needed this as much I as did.”

“Matt Donovan; Mr. Brightside even when he hates himself.” She snorted, pulling herself up, and wincing at the sight of the wall. “Should probably clean that.”

“That’s someone else problem.” He stated, pulling his arm around her shoulders and trying to not fall over in shock as she leaned into him. After they walked out of the school, and he’d put them both in her car, he finally spoke up. “Hey Nia?”

“Yeah, Matt?”

“Next time I challenge you to do something better? Don’t prove it.”

because if you had saved it until marriage you wouldn't be stuck crying alone at night remembering hands and kisses and ragged breaths, tongues on flushed skin, and love, because he promised he was yours forever