#angsty peter

“I’m married, Peter.”

“Do you love him?”

“What? Of course I-” you paused. 

Your right hand fiddled with the jeweled engagement ring on your finger, twisting and turning it as you tried to figure out how to explain your way out of this. You knew you had loved him, once upon a time, but things were different now. He was different. 

“Of course you what?”

“I- I don’t know. Even if I didn’t… even if I don’t… it doesn’t matter, anyway. You know that,” you tore your eyes from your ring, peeping at him through your eyelashes. Finally meeting his desperate gaze felt like a death sentence. It pained you to see him like this, especially knowing that you were the one who continued to shatter his heart over and over, while he kept loving you anyway. A part of you would always have a soft spot for the first boy you had ever loved.

“You don’t have to do this. You can always run, start over,” he paused for a brief moment, stepping toward you and letting the silence fill the air. He could tell the wheels in your head were turning, and he could only hope that you were considering his suggestion. Peter continued to walk towards you calmly, as if trying to not provoke a wild deer. When he took your hands in his, you could feel the dread of what was coming next rising in your stomach. Or maybe that was the bile. He rubbed the backs of your hands with his thumbs gently, coaxing you to make the decision. Choose me, his touch whispered, as if it was the easiest thing in the world. “Start over with me.”

For a second, all you wanted to do was get lost in his captivating blue eyes. you wanted everything to go back to the way it was, three years ago. Before you hurt him. Before he hurt you. Before all the blood, tears, and threats. You longed for the days you could lounge in his arms, dreaming of your future with no other care in the world. Back then, it was home. 

The silence stretched for what felt like an eternity. Peter squeezed your hand tighter, pulling you from your nostalgic daydream and back into the heart-wrenching reality standing before you. You looked into his rich pools of blue once more and saw his pain, the pain that you had put there and wished more than ever to take away. But it was over, and so were you. You lifted your chin and straightened your posture, hoping your brave mask wouldn’t crack as you did the hardest thing you’d ever have to do. 

“Okay,” you said simply.

Peter’s eyes snapped back to yours, seeming to recover from some sort of daze. 

“What?” he asked in disbelief.

“I want to start over with you, Peter. I want to have the life we always talked about.”

On his face formed the sweetest smile you’d ever seen. Your heart dropped as he lifted his hands to cup your cheeks, holding your face as if you were made of porcelain. You wanted to rip them off and crush them until they were purple.

“You don’t know how long I’ve waited to hear you say that.”

“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to say it,” you said, letting out a shaky breath.

Peter brought his forehead to rest against yours. His eyes fluttered closed, and you tried your hardest to relax your expressions. One wrong move and it was over, and you couldn’t afford to repeat The Incident. Putting all your might into evening your tone, you spoke, hoping to speed this up and get him out before someone found out he was here.

 “This isn’t going to be easy, you know,” You whispered, your voice near trembling.

“I know. We’ll get you out of here, I promise. You just have to trust me.”

“I will always trust you,” you said, and it was a good thing his eyes were closed, because there was no way to hide the horror of what you just said playing behind your eyes.

Your heads parted, and just as he had begun to lean in, a loud knock pounded on the door. You both jumped, the energy in the air spiking as you both realized who was on the other side. Quickly, Peter rushed to grab his things, heading for the open window where he entered through.

“I’ll write to you. I’ll leave the parchment on the windowsill of the first-floor study, as always,” Peter promised.

“I’ll be waiting, my love.”

With that, Peter pressed something small and cold into your palm and began to climb down the trellis. You closed your hand around the object, waiting to see that he was out of sight before you looked down at it. Once his figure had completely disappeared into the greenery, you withdrew your fingers to reveal the simple gold band he had given you so many moons ago. It rested upon your palm lightly, but even the smallest touch of the object burned. Tears immediately pooled your eyes at the sight. It had been so long since you had seen it. You quickly dumped the ring in a small jewelry box on your bedside table and slammed the lid shut, trying to also slam away the memories that made you want to cry and scream and throw up all at once. As you wiped your hands on your dress, he knocked again, lightly this time, and opened the door.

“How did it go?” The tall man asked quietly as he crept into the room and shut the door.

Finally, releasing the breath you felt like you had been holding for days, you smiled.