#angstsprompt

{10:04 PM}

Angst Prompt: “It’s Ok, you don’t have to love me back”

You skimmed over the last few words of your essay. You stretched your arms and let out a soft groan. You took a deep breath and pressed the submit button. You waited a few moments and slumped back when you saw the confirmation. You were finally done. You leaned over the your side and reached for your phone. The first thing that you noticed was your lock screen. You smiled as you reminisced about the memory.

It was winter. The sky was inky black but the street lamps lit up the streets perfectly. The trees were covered in a light layer of snow. Everything was perfect, you were unbelievably happy walking next to the love of your life. You and Mark walked in comfortable silence when you felt his hand touch your shoulder. You look at him with a smile and you can see a blush creep onto his cheeks. “Wanna take a picture together?” he asked. You looked at him incredulously. “I mean-, if-, if you want to..i guess,” he stuttered. You smiled as you reached up to poke his cheek, “I would love to, I just didn’t expect my Markie to be so bold,” you said teasingly. He looked away but you could see the traces of a smile. 

You pulled out your phone and raised it up to fit the both of you. You both held up piece signs and hearts. As you were snapping pictures, you felt him kiss your cheek. You blushed and looked away. He smiled as you took your phone from your hand. “Aww, my baby looks so cute,” he gushed, poking your cheeks. You looked at the picture and couldn’t help but smile. It was perfect.

Every thing was so perfect back then.

You stared at the lockscreen when a message popped up, distracting you from your trip down memory lane. It was from Mark. You frowned slightly upon reading it. 

Y/N, I’m waiting at your lobby, can you come and meet me down here, we need to talk - Mark

You grabbed your coat, phone and keys and ran out the door. You ran the stairs and smiled when you saw him in the lobby. He eyes met yours and dropped down to the ground. Your smile fell off your face. You walked up to him and was about to touch his face, when he moved away. “Let’s talk in the car,” he said softly, turning away. You follow him and sat in the passenger seat of his car. It was warm and you looked out the windows, confused and anxious. It was silent for about twenty minutes, neither you or Mark said a word. 

You must have dozed off because when you woke up, Mark was staring out the window, nervously tapping his foot. He noticed that you woke up and took a deep breath. “We’re here,” he said. “What’s going on? Mark, you’re scaring me,” you say softly. His eyes meet yours, his eyes are soft and you can see tears brim in his eyes. You reach up to wipe away the tears but he pushes your hands away softly, “ Let me explain,” Mark starts, “Recently NCT’s debut has been finalized and I’ve been offered a position to be in 2 of the units. Sooman talked to me and told me how I’m really talented and how I’ve been working for so long that I deserve to debut. But he said that he’ll let me debut under one condition.” “Condition?”you ask cautiously. “I have to be single, I’ll be allowed to debut as long as I am not in a relationship,” he says sadly. You felt your heart drop. You started tearing up, Mark head perked up and immediately reached to wipe away your tears but you swatted his hands away. His eyes look back at the ground. “So? What is your decision?” you say, a little part of you praying that he declined. You yell at yourself, how could you ask Mark to put you before his dream. Maybe because you wanted him to love you just as much as you loved him. “I’ve decided that I really want to debut. Y/n, I’m so sorry. You deserve better but I need to debut. This is my dream,” he says, his eyes pleading with yours. You nod. “I understand, I love you. I always have,” you say with a sad smile, “It’s Ok, you don’t have to love me back”. His eyes meet yours and you can see his heart break. “Can we.. at least try and be friends? I need you in my life,” Mark asks. “Mark, I don’t think I can physically commit to being friends with you. Everytime, I look at you, I’m reminded of all the memories we made together. I can’t be near you without wanting to kiss you,” you say. He nods and roughly starts up the car. “Mark, please don’t be angry. I’m sorry,” you say softly. “Don’t say that you’re sorry, the only person who should be apologizing is me. You did nothing wrong, it’s all me and will always be me,” he says quietly. 

The rest of the drive home is quiet. You stare out the windows. It reminds you of the night in the park. You pull out you phone and press on the picture of you and Mark. You look at it silently before pressing the delete icon. Your heart aches as you watch the picture disappear. You continue to stare out the window, unaware of Mark’s eyes. His heart shattered watching you delete that picture. That picture was a memory that he cherished so dearly. He looked back at the road, silently begging his heart to stop aching.

As you reached your home, You got of the car slowly. Mark walked you up to the door. You were about to walk in when you felt him grip your wrist. “I know that I’m asking for a lot but can i hug you one last time?” he asks. You nod and feel him pull you into a tight hug. You fell his warm breath fall onto a sensitive patch of your neck. You shuddered slightly. You hug his torso tightly. You both take in each others’ scent one last time. He smiles as he pulls away. He brushes some hair away form your face and tucks it behind your ear. “You really are so pretty and I have no clue how I got you for myself,” he smiles, “I’m truly sorry for all of this but if you ever want to talk as friends you can always call me”. You nod as you turn away to enter your house. You look back and see that his eyes are still on you. You smile and wave goodbye. He smiles back sadly. 

Goodbye, that word, broke both of your hearts.

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