#angst!soap

If theres not enough food, he cuts his portion size down to two bites, smiling while he claims to be stuffed and fine for the next five days. He’s the one who takes three lashings instead of one, a smile on his lips throughout.

But would he let it happen to anyone else?

No.

If there’s anyone on base who’s injured, he fusses over them and takes care of their wounds first, brushing off the fact that his wounds are still bleeding a shade too red. He’s the one who hollers at superiors if they pull too much shit on anyone else, yet for himself he allows them to take it a little farther.

Always a protector, never for himself. One day, Ghost and Price lounging in a dark office on base just cuz they can, simply enjoying each others company while they sort through the paperwork they’re supposed to get done. When suddenly there’s heavy footsteps, and voices start coming into focus.

“Soap-”

“Gaz you must be off yet heid! What’re ye babbling on about?”

And that gets their attention. Price’s eyebrows are raised, Ghost looks towards the door. The voices were heightened, angered and frustrated. This wasn’t like the two at all.

“Soap”, Gaz’s tone is exasperated and out of breath, as if he was trying to catch upto the other man, “mate if you think I’m being crazy-theory then just tell me the truth!”

“There’s nothing tae tell”, and that tone sets alarm bells off. Price and Ghost share a quick glance, both edging closer to the door. Johnnys voice was always warm. It was always open, inviting. This was cold. Harsh, like cutting down any further arguments and demanding silence.

“Really John? Mate.. why didn’t you get your wounds checked out? Again. They were sore, scarred and so many darker shades than purple then they should’ve been, and you can’t tell me they didn’t hurt! Why didn’t you say something?”

“Ah was fine Gaz it wasnae that bad-“

“YOU WERE BLEEDING. STILL. You ran around, you got everyone out the last mission and spent three days without any medical attention or food! What sane person does that?? How careless can you be-”

“Ah amn’t careless. I could take it-“

“No. No Johnny shut the fuck up. You were trying to see how much you could take. You always do this, you take pain too far, you take everything too far! If no one is allowed to be in pain then why are you?”

“KYLE. It’snae like that.”

There’s silence, Price and Ghost both waiting for the conversation to continue. The Captain’s breathing was shallow, cigar long forgotten- a sure sign he was worried. Ghost was no better either, hands clenching the papers so right they’d almost ripped while his blood boiled.

Silence settles, heavy footsteps retreating before they hear a sharp intake.

“.. do you like it?”

“Of course not Gaz! What do yah take me for?”

The image of Soap and Gaz staring each other down flashes in Ghost’s eyes, Soap looking at Gaz like he thought the other was insane, hands gesturing everywhere, Gaz looking concerned and frustrated at the Scot with his arms crossed and a frown.

There’s a silent conversation the two hold, Ghost is sure. A argument that Gaz wins apparently, the way Soap lets out a frustrated sigh. Price looks at Ghost, as if to ask if he knew what was going on. He simply shakes his head at the older man, holding his breath to hear if there was any noise outside.

There’s another set of footsteps following Soap’s, before they halt right in front of the office. There’s a soft exhale, and a shaky breath as Kyle steadies himself.

“.. oh my god...”

Ghost can almost imagine the scene: Gaz staring at Soap, eyes wide open in shock- or rather horror as he looks at the other man. He hears motion a little further down- Johnny presumably turning around at the sound.

“.. Soap… “, Gaz’s voice is so low now Ghost has to strain to hear it. He was pleading, with a note of something gut-wrenching he couldn’t identify.

“please.. please for the love of god don’t tell me you think you deserve it?”

They’d always said silence was worth a thousand words. And yet this time, it only said one. One word that was so loud, Johnny might as well have said it himself.