#ang3lt33th

i, personally, think bugs are very spiritual but aside from that they are very important to our planet/ecosystems. i am bug-averse but less-so than i used to be. i can definitely understand the phobias people have with them, but i wish people would not be so cruel to the life on our planet. no matter how small or “useless” (i don’t think any life is useless). bugs, especially pollinators, are so, so important. they are crucial, they are necessary. we need them.

maybe i am “too” sensitive, but it does hurt my feelings when people make flippant statements about things they don’t like. many people are overwhelmed with the amount of change and upkeep needed in the world. i’m thinking specifically about things like recycling or reforestation and climate change. it feels daunting and impossible and many people, instead of trying to learn about it or do their own small part, will completely lean the other way and adopt a doom-like attitude about things. “why should we try to change anything when the world is on fire?” “why should i recycle when all the problems are caused by XYZ?” “what difference would it make if i change MY habits? I’m just one person!” on and on the statements/excuses go.

i completely understand where they’re coming from. being overwhelmed by your own emotional response to seeing the destruction and feeling helpless is difficult to deal with. i get why people shut down. it feels easier and safer than doing something outside of your comfort zone that wouldn’t see immediate results. which is part of the problem in itself. so many people are used to instant gratification, being able to have whatever they want at the push of a button, get it delivered to their house in a matter of days. attention spans that have been getting shorter and shorter due to short form content (like tiktok/instagram reels) constantly demanding your attention and engagement. everyone online/creators who are constantly pushing the boundaries of what they can do in order to keep your short attention. it’s all part of the problem imo.

i don’t have solutions to any of this. i just feel really upset about these things myself. the casual cruelty of the things people say without any thought put into it is upsetting. i see it everywhere, all the time, about every topic under the sun. i just wish people would be kinder. kindness is not natural. maybe it comes easier to some than others, but kindness is a skill like anything else. you HAVE to practice it in order to be good at it, and it has to start with yourself. when you practice being kind, it becomes easier to spot when people are being cruel.

i would say self compassion/self love, which is just kindness to the self, is incredibly important. especially if you are someone who has a history of trauma or abuse. after trauma, when you are living in a state of constant anxiety, you are constantly looking for the harm to come. doing this will burn you out and make you sick. i speak from experience. i’m not saying it’s easy but i really encourage you to do what you can to lessen this feeling and learn to make yourself feel loved/safe even in the face of danger. the harm will come, there will never be a life free of pain or suffering. that’s just the way it is, BUT you can learn how to live through those experiences without it taking over your entire life/mind. it is incredibly difficult, and i’m not an expert or whatever but i’ve been through some shit so i’m not talking out of my ass here.

taking even the smallest step towards loving yourself, no matter how cheesy and stupid it feels, IS worth it. it takes practice, it takes patience, and it takes dedication. it is not something a few affirmations are going to fix. it is a lifelong commitment, but you are stuck with YOU for your entire life. might as well learn to like yourself.

anyway. i know i went off on a tangent unrelated to bugs but my point being is that bugs are often considered small and useless and ugly.

how often did other people or yourself, make you feel like that growing up? how often were YOU made to feel small, to feel ugly, to feel useless, out of place, not important or worthy??

i see everybody and their mama talkin about their “inner child” but nobody actually takes a moment to understand what that means outside of coloring books and toys. play is important, joy is important, but you also have to look back at the things that wounded you the most and what grudges you are holding against yourself. in what ways you felt you weren’t measuring up as a child, and how you still punish yourself for it as an adult. you HAVE to learn how to forgive yourself. once you do that, then you can take the steps to treating yourself kindly. if you don’t forgive yourself for the harm you endured (and the harm you caused) you will not be able to accept the love you deserve, because in the back of your head you will be waiting for it to be taken from you.

if you learn to give yourself the things you need you don’t have to look outside of yourself for it. you don’t have to beg for it. you don’t have to lower your standards, because YOU can make yourself feel happy or safe or loved or comforted. it is NOT easy. it’s not easy at all i’m not gonna sit here and lie to you that “oh now that i’ve decided to love myself i’m cured and nothing will ever hurt me again”, because that’s bullshit. it’s learning that you can be okay even if, and WHEN, you get hurt again, there will be a safe place to run to (yourself).

anyway. i think there is a lot of wisdom in the world you just have to be willing to listen and look for it. the bugs are small, but they are resilient, they are adaptable. ants are incredibly intelligent and strong and have close knit communities within their colonies. they are not unlike people. ladybug are bringers of luck and love, dragonflies are wise, spiders are independent and ruthless (in a good way). on and on. there are lots of old folk tales/stories/songs about bugs and their archetypes. i mean hell, the itsy bitsy spider is a childrens song about starting over and determination in the face of great struggle!!

there are many ways to be a spiritual person it doesn’t have to look or be traditional. i think part of spirituality is following/forging your own path, even if you are guided by the paths that are already walked through. ultimately, you have to find your own way even with the support of others, be that real people or ancestors or spirit guides, or whatever term applies to you.