#andrew garvey

“If you stare any harder, we won’t have to dig the grave.” Laura told me, shoving me slightly.

“Shut up,” I hissed at my sister. “She all over him, and he doesn’t even care. It’s like I’m invisible.”

“Well, I don’t know what you want me to do about it, it’s not like he’s going to listen to me.” She deadpanned.

“I didn’t ask you to do anything Laura.”

“Well stop sulking then.”

“What am I suppose to do? My boyfriend forgot that I existed.” I threw my lunch in the pail, no more appetite.

“Ignore him.” Carrie told me, and I stared at my little sister like she was crazy. “Look, he’s kind of ignoring you, so you should ignore him.”

“She’s not wrong, ya know.” Laura told me.

“Alright. Worth a shot I guess.”

After school, Carrie and I walked home the long way because she wanted to stop and get flowers. I waited by the hill for her as she got the ones she wanted.

“You didn’t wait for me,” Andy’s voice startled me.

“Oh, you scared me.” My heart thudded in my chest. Although, I wasn’t sure if it was because he scared me or if it was because of him.

“I’m sorry.” He said earnestly. “Why didn’t you wait for me?”

“I, uh, I,” I stuttered trying to come up with an answer. “Well.”

“Sarah! Look!” Carrie ran up to me with her flowers. “I got a whole mess of them!”

“Yeah you did,” I signed in relief at my little sister. “They’re really pretty.”

“They are! Look, the brown in these yellow ones match your eyes, don’t they Andy?” Carrie asked my boyfriend.

“Um, yeah they do.” He said, staring directly into my eyes.

“Well, we better go. We still got chores to do.” Carrie told him, grabbing my hand and dragging me along with her. “See you tomorrow!”

“You’re the best.”

“She’s still all over him.” Albert huffed to Pa in the barn. “Penelope is all over Andy. Of course she is. He’s Andy.”

“Andy’s seeing your sister.”

“Yeah, that hasn’t stopped her.”

“Well, he’s got his head on straight, I’m sure it will all be straightened out soon. Hey, where were you?” Pa asked as I came into the barn dragging my feet.

“Carrie wanted flowers for the table tonight so we went up to the hill.” I sighed, taking my bonnet off and grabbing the pitch fork to take out the stalls.”

“Hell notice you soon.” Pa promised me, kissing my forehead. “He’s been in love with you since before we came back from Iowa.”

“I know,” I sighed, trying really hard not to cry. “It’s just, we’ve just, I don’t know why he doesn’t get it.”

“He’s a boy. We don’t see those things.”

“Well boys are dumb.” I grumbled.

“That we are darling, that we are.” Pa kissed my forehead before leaving the barn with Albert.

“It’s disgusting.” Albert told me a few days later at recess. I picked at my lunch again.

Was I doing something wrong? Penelope was pretty, sure. She had blonde curly hair, not that it matched my dark brown hair, and she had pretty blue eyes, a drastic difference than mine. She was also very skinny, very different than me. Was that what Andy wanted?

“She’s so pretty.” Albert grumbled. “Of course she wants Andy.”

“Stop talking about her,” I snapped, fed up with my brothers talking.

“What?” He asked confusedly.

“Stop talking about her. I know she’s pretty and I know you like her but she’s all over my boyfriend. She’s all over him and he doesn’t even care or notice how I feel.” I took a deep breath. “So I’m sorry she’s pretty and I’m sorry that she doesn’t like you but stop talking about her because she’s all over my boyfriend.” And with that I stormed off up the back hill behind school.

“Hey,” Pa told me, sitting down next to me after a while.

“Hi.” I whispered, throwing my stick.

“Albert told me what happened after school at recess today.”

“Of course he did.” I grumbled, annoyed with my brother.

“I think you should talk to Andy.” Pa said.

“I don’t want to.”

“Why not?”

Tears prickled my eyes again. “She’s just, and he just, and I’m just, and I can’t, I can’t,” I couldn’t get more words out before I started crying again. It was just too much.

“Hey, hey, just a minute now.” I kept crying as Pa told me soothing things to calm me down. “You’re beautiful, and I’m not saying that because I’m your Pa. Andy must thing so too if you too have been together for this long.”

“That’s just the thing,” I wailed. “It’s not official Pa. we don’t talk about it, we just go with it. We don’t plan it. Things just happened. And now she’s here, all blonde and pretty and the opposite of me, and he’s now ignoring me and,” I sighed frustratedly. “I’m not blonde, or have blue eyes, or skinny. She’s everything I’m not and he’s noticing that.”

Sunday, Pa drove us into town for church.

“Hurry up Sarah!” Carrie called to me. Everybody was headed inside.

“I’m coming, hold on, I’m stuck.” I untangled my dead but lost my footing. “Oh,” I sighed as somebody caught me. “Oh,” I pulled away quickly when I noticed it was Andy.

“Hi,” he whispered.

“I should go,” I said faintly and quickly. “Carries, she’s, I have to,” I tumbled over my words, rushing quickly into church, leaving Andy by himself by the wagon.

“You can’t avoid him forever,” Ma told me as we ironed clothes the following Tuesday.

“I can try,” I said stubbornly.

“Now how’s that going to work? He’s your brothers best friend and our families are so close.” Ma pointed out and I sighed.

“I don’t know Ma. But I know that Penelope is a lot prettier than me, and he deserves somebody as beautiful as her.”

“Well, dear, do you know what he wants?”

“We haven’t talked in weeks Ma.” I pointed out, straightening the shirt I was folding.

“Then how can you be sure he wants Penelope?” She left me with that thought to ponder.

“Your Ma said you’d be here.” Andy’s voice filtered through the hill.

“She never was one to hide things.”

“Unlike somebody I know.” He snarked.

“Don’t do that,” I snapped. “Don’t patronize me.”

“What do you want me to do? You’ve been ignoring me for weeks now.”

“You ignored me first!” I shoved the hair out of my face, but the wind just came back.

“I wasn’t trying too! Penelope needed —“

“Oh don’t even Andy. I don’t want to hear her name.”

“I’m sorry.” He said after a moment. “I know, I know how much I’ve hurt you by spending so much of my time with her and I’m sorry.”

“It wouldn’t bother me so much but she’s just —“

“Blonde?”

“Yeah, and she’s—“

“Skinny,” I nodded numbly.

“You know that doesn’t bother me right? That you don’t look like her or Mary?”

I looked away from him. Deep down I knew that. But my brain didn’t want to let it go.

“I’m just -“

“Beautiful.” I looked at him, tears in my eyes.

“I’m not.” I murdered dryly.

“Yes you are.” I sighed.

“You didn’t even —“

“You’re wearing a new dress. It’s blue, you wore it for the first time on Monday and it made me realize how much I love your eyes.” I stared at him. Pushing the hair out of my face, I took a deep breathe. “I’ve loved you forever now, since before we moved back. I thought you knew that.”

“I did know that,” I looked away again as tears fell from my face. “But we never made anything official so I didn’t know if you were just going to find somebody better —“

“There’s nobody better.” He told sharply, standing up. He started pacing. “I’m sorry I made you think that but there’s not.”

I scrambled fo my feet. “I just, I get so in my head,” I muttered.

“I know, and I’m sorry I didn’t notice.”

“It’s just, she’s just, and you’re so; and I’m just,” I rambled.

He took a few steps closer to me and I backed into the tree, stumbling slightly. “Shut up.” He muttered before kissing me.

He leaned down and kissed me softly. Our first kiss. I sighed, dreamily. It was perfect. We were perfect. He was perfect. Our lips moved together as one and I felt alive. He pulled away softly and we stood with our heads pressed together. I sighed dreamily again before pushing our lips together again. His hands tangled in my hair and gripped his forearms tightly. This was it. This was us.